Archive for the ‘workplace’ Category

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The Vine: February 3, 2010

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Sars,

I have a co-worker with a superior attitude and jealousy streak who cannot separate her personal life from her professional life. She will yell at someone for misusing the copier because her husband lost his job, and she will be an enormous passive-aggressive bitch if you get pregnant because she is infertile.

We work in different offices, have to see each other once weekly, correspond several times a day re: work related topics via email, and are on the same professional level: middle management. However, while my direct supervisor is a director of the company, her direct supervisor is the CEO. She's privy to things like everyone's salary history, so, if you catch her on a friendly day, she will disclose how much everyone makes and has been known to give out private information about employee bonuses. Without being asked, BTW.

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Posted in Vine, friendships, grammar, workplace | 64 Comments »

The Vine: January 6, 2010

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

Dear Sars,

I've been getting several conflicting opinions on this one. I usually do a really good job staying out of office politics, but now I am in a situation where a non-committal grunt isn't going to cut it.

There has been a long-standing power struggle between my boss (B) and another person (A) in the department. Lately, they have been using me as a point of contention. We do grant work, and recently A asked if I could work on a new grant for him and he even offered to pay half of my salary. B said no (well, really she said, "No, I found her, she's mine"). In response to that, A has decided to reorganize the office, which mainly includes moving me.

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Posted in Vine, etiquette, the fam, workplace | 94 Comments »

The Vine: November 11, 2009

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Dear Sars:

So I have my first "real job" and suffice it to say, it's not going well. I'm 26 and have had a wealth of jobs, from retail to reception. But this is my first job where I have an actual position and don't spend my time answering phones and ordering supplies for others and I think it could be a springboard to something better.

The thing is, it's a hard job, it's a small company with only about 10 people and new hires are thrown right in, no introduction, no training, and when I say no training I mean no training. Every day is busy, there isn't one moment where there is no work to do.

I feel like I mess everything up. I can't do a single thing without there being some stupid mistake that I should have caught. Forgetting to include a date on a letter, a typo, forgetting to include an important fact, and sometimes big mistakes. I feel like I can't do one thing without someone I work with pointing out a mistake I made.

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Posted in Vine, cats, workplace | 75 Comments »

The Vine: October 29, 2009

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

Sars,

I'm an intern in my state's legislature. My boss is a progressive, feminist woman; however, one of the staffers in her office (and thus my superior) is a guy, and a somewhat misogynistic guy at that.

He's perfectly fine around my boss and his female colleagues, but when it's just the two of us, he often makes sexist remarks. Most of the time it's silly "women! what can you do?"-type stuff, but occasionally he gets annoyed with either my boss or one of our female coworkers and will go off on a sexist rant about how stupid women are and how they should never have power over anything. He even called a particularly difficult lobbyist the C-word (behind her back, of course). He also occasionally engages me in conversations about the levels of attractiveness of the women in our mutual acquaintance.

Now I consider myself a feminist (that's why I'm working for one in the legislature) and as such when other men act sexist around me, I like to shut them down whenever possible. The problem I have is that I don't know how to do that here.

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Posted in Vine, grammar, workplace | 26 Comments »

The Vine: October 14, 2009

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Hi Sars,

My boyfriend and I just moved to New York, and since I arrived two weeks ago, I'm plagued by a near-constant fear of being attacked. (I figured I might as well jump right in.) More particularly, I'm afraid of sexualized or specifically misogynistic violence. I'm afraid of getting nabbed or raped or shot in the gym or any number of fantastic L&O SVU-style perverse scenarios, and I'm so afraid of it that it's sort of paralyzing my daily activity.

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Posted in Vine, boys (and girls), health and beauty, workplace | 54 Comments »

The Vine: October 7, 2009

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

Hi there,

I have a quick question for you and the readers. I've had two performance evaluations at work recently, with two different people. Both of them said essentially the same thing; that I'm a hard worker and good at my job, but that I'm a perfectionist who beats herself up too much when she doesn't meet her own high standards.

This isn't news to me, and it's certainly not the worst flaw to have, but it's a heck of a thing to live with. I've been making an effort to let the mistakes go, learn from them and move on. But I can't seem to stop dwelling on them, picking them apart, rationalising, excusing and obsessing over every aspect.

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Posted in Vine, boys (and girls), workplace | 55 Comments »

The Vine: September 23, 2009

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009

Dear Miss Bunting,

Thank you for making me laugh until my sides hurt. It's funny because it's true.

I would greatly appreciate it if you would clarify another word faux pas. My head spins off of my shoulders when I hear the expression "reverse discrimination" or "reverse racism." I am by no means an English scholar but common sense tells me that is it either discrimination or it is not. It is either racism or it is not.

Thank you again. I have saved your site to my favorites. I'm sure I will be referring to it often.

TJ

Dear TJ,

Thanks for the compliments!

My sense of that term is that, on the strict usage point, you're right: "discrimination" and "racism" mean what they mean, and the addition of "reverse" is redundant."

That said, and keeping in mind that the point of correct usage is clarity, "reverse" does indicate additional information, namely that the party suffering the bigotry in question is the group usually considered the majority — Caucasians, males, et al.

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Posted in Vine, etiquette, grammar, workplace | 96 Comments »

The Vine: September 9, 2009

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

Dear Sars,

Last year, I moved out of state to live with my boyfriend. The move was based on financial necessity; I was recovering from an operation and couldn't work. The boyfriend (let's call him Adam) had a fully-paid-for home in his family's hometown as well as work contacts to help us get back on our feet. The downside is that we share the house with his brother who is a horrendous slob.

The brother, Jake, turned the upstairs living area into his bedroom, which forces me and Adam to walk through there to reach the bathroom and our bedroom. The room is a pigsty; as I type this, there has been a trash bag full of garbage sitting by Jake's computer now for three months.

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Posted in Vine, friendships, roommates, the fam, workplace | 33 Comments »

The Vine: September 2, 2009

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

Dear Sars,

I have what I consider to be rather sticky situation. My policy up to this point has been to keep my big mouth shut, but I'm not sure that I shouldn't say something, so here goes.

I have a long-distance friend who, despite the distance, has been a good friend for several years. She's in her early twenties and is honestly usually quite lovely, but recently there have been some changes in her family and she is not handling them well.

I'm sympathetic to her situation, which is kind of sucky, but nothing that would make the local papers or anything. Her mother died many years ago, and her father has recently remarried. My friend, who we can call "O," has stubbornly refused to make a place for this woman in their family. She's done this to a really extreme degree, in various ways that make me physically cringe when she relates the stories. She refuses to even call the woman by her name, and instead refers to her as "the troll." She has assured me she does not do this to the woman's face, thank the Lord.

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Posted in Vine, etiquette, friendships, the fam, workplace | 70 Comments »

The Vine: August 26, 2009

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Hey Sars,

I have an ex-boyfriend question for you. I'll try to sum up as well as possible.

I dated my ex-boyfriend off and on since we were teenagers, then seriously for 5 1/2 years. We broke up 6 years ago. To say he was an asshole would be the understatement of the year. He treated me like shit, he cheated on me, and I stuck around and took it because I "loved him" or whatever-the-hell. When we finally broke up for really-reals-no-I-mean-it-this-time-seriously, it was ugly. We haven't spoken to each other since, and have only seen each other at social events once or twice.

Apparently, the girlfriend he had after me had a bit of a calming influence on him, and got him to seek help in the form of therapy. From there, he was diagnosed bipolar and has since been on medication. My initial reaction upon hearing this was, "Oh, they have a pill to fix 'asshole'?" Seriously, this guy was such a tool, I have no idea why I stuck around so long.

What's prompting this is that recently I got an email from a mutual friend, stating that he wants to talk to me to apologize for, well, whatever he feels the need to apologize for. I'm torn as to what I should do about this. My initial reaction was, "Fuck you, I don't owe you shit."

But now my curiosity is getting the better of me. I still harbor a lot of resentment and anger towards him. There is the potential that I could achieve some sort of release or closure or pick-your-cliché. There is also the potential that it's a load of crap and he's just trying to get back in my pants.

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Posted in Vine, boys (and girls), grammar, workplace | 66 Comments »

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