Every morning since October began, I have gotten to work and braced myself before opening the door to my department, not because I hate my job or anything, but because everyone in the office has …

I voted for Bill Clinton twice. Well, actually, I voted against his opponents. George Bush seemed like a nice enough guy, but he used to run the CIA, and also he lied about the whole …

Okay, people, can we get started? Okay. I hope someone remembered to get me some cigarettes – okay, thank god. Pass that ashtray down here and let’s get this over with.
The first order of business …

In my youth – before I discovered challenging intellectual pursuits like General Hospital and lying on my back with my feet up on the wall talking on the telephone until I lost circulation in my …

I don’t like kids. I have never liked kids. Even as a kid, I didn’t like kids. Okay, certain children can give my heartstrings a tug sometimes. One time I went browsing in a home …

It probably hasn’t escaped the notice of even the most casual Tomato Nation reader that I have a lot of hostility. I get annoyed easily; in fact, I get really annoyed really easily. But when …

This morning, as I stood in front of my closet and pondered what to wear, I felt something fuzzy brush against my legs. Assuming that the cat had wandered over to help me select an …

On August 29, the Academy Of Television Arts And Sciences will dole out this year’s Emmy Awards. Let’s not discuss the fact that typing the words “Academy Of Television Arts And Sciences” gave me a …

Welcome to the conclusion of my U.S. Highway 1 adventure highlights. As I drove further south, I crossed not only state lines but also the fine line between confusion and outright annoyance. For example . …

In general, I dislike making generalizations about men, because it seems as though every time I take a swallow of my pint of Bass and gesture importantly with my cigarette while expounding on the similarity …