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Home » Baseball

Out With The Crowd: "Pure joy. Gone forever."

Submitted by on May 5, 2012 – 10:13 AM6 Comments

Welcome back to Out With The Crowd, and our first foray into the National League. Joining us is TN reader and Colorado fan Leigh Bingham; we discussed Jimenez v. Tulo, pantsless mascots, porous defense, and many other fine feathered topics on May 1.

Sarah D. Bunting: So: Who's your favorite acquisition for the 2012 season?

Leigh Bingham: Michael Cuddyer. No question. He's like kittens and rainbows and sandwiches wrapped up in the finest Corinthian leather. He hits (doubles!), he hustles, and have you seen those dimples? I really want to give some love to Jamie Moyer, too, because how excellent is that whole thing? I'd be rejoicing about Moyer being the best pitcher on the roster right now, if that didn't say really terrible things about the state of Rockies pitching.

I was kind of hoping we could get Moyer, because: love, and now I wish it even more thanks to Pelfrey throwing a shoe. Who's your least favorite new Rocky? ("Rockie"?)

Sadly, it's "Rockie." Sigh.

Oh, man. Between that and having to render the plural as "the A's," this is making me nuts on a usage level.

Oh, so you were forced to do that? I was wondering.

Otherwise it looks like "As." I tried to say "Athletics" as much as I could, but…

…Yeah, I see the problem. Anyhoodle — the answer is…it's so early in the season, and I hate to rush to judgment. (I'm lying; I totally love to do that.) It is tough though, because nobody has crushed me yet. I'll play it safe and say Tyler Chatwood, but I am well aware I'm copping out with that answer. I am hopeful I won't feel compelled to bring up Marco Scutaro in this context any time soon.

Remind me what Tyler Chatwood does (or fails to do, heh) for you guys?

He's a pitcher. It's a terrible answer, but really, so far, there isn't a lot of hate.

That's good! …Anyone you were happy to see go? Who was the best departure for you guys?

I have to say Jimenez. At the time it was sad and weird and felt like the end of the 2007 dream. But seeing over spring training how we really didn't know what was going down with him and his attitude made me realize how little I miss him.

I think you guys may have dodged a bullet there, actually. I mean, he probably looks worse than he is, but the transition to AL hitters for some of these guys can get pretty fugly.

I agree. There's stink there all around. The Tulo dust-up was just…ugly.

I think I literally face-palmed during that "highlight" on MLB Network. What are you doing, guy?

Not very bright, if you ask me.

Or mature. Anyway…anyone you were sad to see go?

Oh, you probably can guess the answer to this one. Losing Ryan Spilborghs was difficult, for so very many reasons. Most of these reasons pertain to his choice of walk-up song and how wonderful it feels to say his name aloud.

I thought of you. And of the many minutes of joy I have derived from bellowing "SPILBORGHS!!"

It's joy. Pure joy. Gone forever.

You are welcome to borrow Tim Byrdak for this purpose. It's not quite the same, but you can get some pretty good torque on it. Unfortunately he's not so good at throwing a baseball.

Oh, wow, okay. Is that pronounced like it looks?

Yep. "BIRD ACK!!"

That wins, I think.

Emphasis on the "ack," I'm afraid.

Love.

Speaking of afraid, what's your biggest worry for the Rox in '12?

I think I'm very surprised to realize my answer is defense. It's not something I've worried about before, and I didn't think I'd worry about it now, but the error numbers are alarming. I'm also worried about pitching, of course. Clichéd, but true. Though last night's relief gave me some — er — relief. De La Rosa's return can't come soon enough.

Oh, that guy's still alive? Nice. (I kid. I kept forgetting there was a Johan Santana.)

Ha!

Where do you think Colorado finishes this year in the standings? How many wins?

I think we will finish over .500, but not by much. I feel like what we've seen so far is pretty representative of how it's going to go.

Who's going to win the division?

That's an excellent question. I definitely don't think the Dodgers can sustain this post-McCourt freak adrenaline or whatever it is they have going on. I won't count the Giants out, but I think it's going to be the D-Backs (#GoDbacks!). I'm not happy about it, though.

What about the beeg weener — who do you think wins the whole thing this season?

I am terrible at predictions (despite winning both my NFL and March Madness pools this year). But I can say I would totally be down with a Nationals/Rangers series. Rangers win that, if it comes to pass.

Any pleasant (or unpleasant) surprises so far this season?

Back to the trusty Moyer for this one. I worry this is a train with a very short track, but he keeps delighting me. And it's not like he's great, he's just so good at his thing. And I have to mention that the "Jamie Moyer is sooooooo ooooold" jokes wear thin, but at least there is variety in them (cough Tebowing cough).

Yeah, "thanks" for shipping that bucket of nonsense back East.

So sorry. No, I'm not.

Heh. If you could tell your manager one thing, what would it be?

Quit it with the contact play, already. It doesn't seem to be working out the way you want it to. Sheesh.

Quick sidebar just for you: Keith Law really thinks Tracy is an idiot, to the point where he gets really exercised about it. Do you share this opinion?

Well, I will have to read the Law (heh) on that, but I guess I don't. I'm not a manager hater as a rule, but there is a lot a like about Tracy. He's built a team that I enjoy watching.

He mostly bitches about it on the "Baseball Today" podcast, actually. I always enjoy a good Law splutterfest but I'm not entirely sure I know what the objections are.

I'll listen sometime. See what I'm missing.

Anything else bugging you? Individual Rockies? Other teams? Headlines? Here's mine: Delmon Young. Not that the guy shouldn't kick rocks, but where are the suspensions for the DUI guys?

I will add two things to the general idea that it's ridiculous these players don't know how to call a fucking cab after hitting the strip club or wherever, and when they get caught they don't have professional accountability… 1. The Marlins Mermaids.

SRSLY.

I KNOW. 2. those bikini babes in the hot tubs. Do they come with the price of a ticket or something? I don't get it, but it's gross.

Is that also Marlins? I think there's one at Arlington as well. Which some jag fell in during the playoffs?

I know there's a hot tub in Arizona, but it doesn't come with half-nekkid ladies. The Miami one does, apparently.

Gack. Reminds me of the Devil dancers. It's a HOCKEY TEAM, people! What's with the miniskirts.

One big, fat sigh. I don't know what I'll do if the Rockies ever get cheerleaders. I really don't.

The Tulettes?

Hah! Our mascot is Dinger the Dinosaur, so maybe the Dingbats?

"Dinger the Dinosaur"? Really?

Yes. He is purple, and wears no pants. But he does wear a jersey.

Wow. I can't decide if that's cynical and bizarre, or cute. (Not the no-pants part.)

I go back and forth.

Mr. Met does have a full uniform, THANK GOD.

Indeed. Think of the children.

My understanding is that there is a Mrs. Met and a Lady Met? So there are some shenanigans maybe happening. Or should I say "Shea-nanigans." (He may have married Lady Met and now she's Mrs. Met. It's unclear.)

That's a promotional opportunity if I've ever heard one.

Catfight Night?

The impending arrival of Little Met. (Oh, yours is super-better.)

Aw, yours is cute! "Name That Metling!"

Exactly! Hmmm…can we make money off of this?

I can't believe this has never been explored by Met management. Although it does open up a can of worms involving mascot sex that may be best left tightly sealed.

Is this where we insert a joke about the quality of Met management?

There's definitely a "Bobby Bonilla's contract" crack in here somewhere.

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6 Comments »

  • Barb says:

    I hope Rockies fans grow to love Jeremy Guthrie. He's a solid pitcher and is a SUPER good person. With a great sense of humor. And an odd affection for boy bands.

  • Melerin says:

    Speaking as a Twins fan (hahahaIKNOW*sob*), you are welcome to Michael Cuddyer and thank you so much for taking him. My biggest fear this offseason was that the Twins would re-sign him. (Although given how things are turning out….) We didn't have the money, he never did figure out right field at the new ballpark, and among a certain segment of Twins fans, Cuddy's incessant media-whoring had begun to be unbelievably grating. Homeboy wants to be a broadcaster SO BAD. He literally cannot stop himself when a camera or a recorder appears in his vicinity. There's also an aspect of Self-Appointed Clubhouse Leader to his personality that gets old after a while. Like, who died and made you the eternal spokesperson, Mister Cliche Factory? (The answer to that is: What HASN'T died on the Twins?) I'm curious how Cuddy is fitting in with the Rox, a team that already has several veterans. Who is the team leader/media guy for you guys? Tulo? Helton? Cuddy, now?

    Obviously we would be better off offensively if we still had Cuddy. (We would be better off offensively with Cuddy's grandmother, frankly.) But payroll-wise, I'm glad the Rox took him and I wish him well.

  • Leigh in CO says:

    @Barb….I am well on my way to Guthrie love. He strikes me as a real hustler who is willing to do what it takes. I'm hopeful he adjusts to Coors Field; it's been reminiscent of the Blake Street Bomber era there so far this season. For pretty much everyone.

    @Melerin, now that you mention it, Cuddy is on the TV a lot. I haven't heard about any clubhouse discord (though I wouldn't, I'm sure). Maybe the presence of so many experienced guys tempers his approach? At any rate, at this point, I feel lucky to have him around!

  • attica says:

    May I humbly suggest that the term for a single player on the Colorado team be simply "Rock"? I mean, I know that nobody officially calls it a 'red sock', but every actual person does, so…

  • Karen says:

    In case it helps you sleep better, you can think of "A's" as a contraction of "Athletics"… you still get into a little psychological trouble with plural possessives and the like, but it helps a bit, at least.

  • Sarah says:

    How does Leigh not know about Keith Law's ripping of Tracy? Although with the way Bruce Bochy is managing, there might be a competition for worst manager in the NL this year.

    Please become a regular listener of Baseball Today, and follow Law on Twitter. It will improve your baseball experience.

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