Wing Chun: AAAAAAAAARRRRGGH!
Sarah: AAAAGGHHHH!
Wing Chun: RRRRRRRRR!
Sarah: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Wing Chun: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Sarah: UUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH!
Wing Chun: NOT!
Sarah: I KNOW!
Wing Chun: FUCK!
Sarah: SHIT!
Wing Chun: ASS! ASSHEAD!
Sarah: FUCKING…FUCKER!
Wing Chun: HATE!
Sarah: HATEY HATE!
Wing Chun and Sarah: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!
Wing Chun: I CAN’T STOP SCREAMING!
Sarah: ME …

I didn’t have Halloween plans yesterday — or, more precisely, I had plans yesterday, but not of the Halloween variety. I’d gone to Bean’s legendary Halloween fete the night before, kitted out as Zombie Jackie …

So, I’ve avoided writing about the upcoming election, because I don’t know that I have anything all that compelling to add to what you’ve probably read elsewhere, and also, Ctrl-V-ing the word “arrrrrrgh” sixty-six thousand …

Wing Chun: Hello?
Sarah: Helllloooooo!
Wing Chun: Hee. It’s about time.
Sarah: Can you believe that?
Wing Chun: Well. It’s not like he was known for his clean living.
Sarah: But…wait, who are we talking about?
Wing Chun: Rick…James? Aren’t we?
Sarah: …

Okay, the no-carb thing has got to go. Seriously. The weight-loss culture in its toxic and dangerous entirety has got to go, actually, but I’ll get to that in a second; first, I’ve got to …

Sarah: Hello.
Wing Chun: Oh, hello.
Sarah: So. What’s up?
Wing Chun: Oh, you know. You?
Sarah: Nothing. Not a thing.
Wing Chun: Meeeee neither.
Sarah: …
Wing Chun: …
Sarah: [cough]
Wing Chun: Anyway.
Sarah: Okay, so, the thing is, and I hesitate to …

Wing Chun: Okay — not to obsess about Girls’ Bike Club over here, but you know who we forgot, and who’s the GBC president emeritus?
Sarah: Who?
Wing Chun: Billy Joel.
Sarah: Ohhhh yeah. Man, he just wrecked …

Sarah: Do you happen to know if there’s a planet in retrograde?
Wing Chun: Why, because Reagan died?
Sarah: You know, I hadn’t even thought of that. I could totally count that. My hair, Hobey’s teeth, J.Lo …

When the booze companies tell you to drink responsibly, what they really mean is “don’t drink and drive, and especially don’t drink and drive and then sue us if you wind up with no legs, …

As a little kid, I used to watch Electric Company every day — PBS aired it in a block with Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. I remember a lot of the skits and punchlines from …