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Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

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Articles in Stories, True and Otherwise

11 Stories, Some Sad, Some True
September 11, 2012 – 5:22 PM | 40 Comments
11 Stories, Some Sad, Some True

Drifting Away turned left when he crossed the plate and continued straight down the right-field line, where he met and embraced the Black Angel. The Angel's wings enfolded him and the two of them continued …

"…Oh, balls": My new gig at Yahoo! Shine Sport
August 27, 2012 – 9:37 AM | 7 Comments
"…Oh, balls": My new gig at Yahoo! Shine Sport

Yahoo! Shine recently launched a Sport vertical, which is awesome, and put me in charge of it, which is even awesomer. Please step over there and various regular features like Breakfast Trey, a fairly regular …

Word Of The Day: "impeccadillo"
August 23, 2012 – 12:04 PM | No Comment
Word Of The Day: "impeccadillo"

impeccadillo. n. combination of "impeccable" (perfect) and "peccadillo" (a small offense) 1. A small and well-executed object. ("That tiny cup of vichysoisse with truffle oil that they serve at Soigne is such an impeccadillo.") 2. …

Pillow Fail
July 11, 2012 – 6:46 PM | 28 Comments
Pillow Fail

I guess the "2" in "CB2" doesn't extend to the Ms in the word "accommodate."

Product Break-Up: MAC metallic nailpolish
April 3, 2012 – 2:25 PM | 41 Comments
Product Break-Up: MAC metallic nailpolish

Number of hours it took for the mani to chip: 10. (Number of those hours I had spent sleeping: 7.) And it isn't just a bitty "caught the corner of a Diet Coke can tab …

Word Of The Day: "hargh"
March 18, 2012 – 10:32 AM | 2 Comments
Word Of The Day: "hargh"

From some of the same people who brought you "hew," a handy portmanteau of "hee" and "ew," comes this new coinage, compliments of the Couch Baron.
hargh. interj. Combination of "hee" and "argh," used to express amused …

From the Platonic cave of amazing thank-you notes
March 16, 2012 – 10:42 AM | 11 Comments
From the Platonic cave of amazing thank-you notes

Yesterday, I received a delightful thank-you note in the mail from the White Russian, her partner Drummer, and their toddler for the holiday gifts I got her and the fam. Yes, the winter holidays. Yes, …

Nailed It: Shoe Vs. Poo
January 23, 2012 – 12:07 PM | 26 Comments
Nailed It: Shoe Vs. Poo

Okay, friends: I need your help. I just stepped dead in a post-snow, melty pile of dog crap. Fortunately, for once, I had on shoes with smooth soles — but 1) I usually don't (see: …

Word Of The Day: "tweedious"
January 2, 2012 – 6:08 PM | 25 Comments
Word Of The Day: "tweedious"

tweedious. adj. 1. portmanteau of "twee" and "tedious." 2. portmanteau of "tweet" and "tedious."
I assumed the first definition is the obvious one, but when I said the word aloud with no context, Wing defined it …

Word Of The Day: "slam-drunk"
December 13, 2011 – 4:57 PM | 6 Comments
Word Of The Day: "slam-drunk"

My initial definition for "slam-drunk" was as follows:
slam-drunk. n. A beverage guaranteed to give you a working buzz-on in a single serving. ("The Gibsons at Oyster Bar are a slam-drunk, man.")
But now I feel as …