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Home » Culture and Criticism

FMK: Quirky Teen-Focused Indies

Submitted by on March 9, 2008 – 11:39 AM41 Comments

For those of you not familiar, "FMK" stands for "Fuck, Marry, Kill"; for those of you not familiar with that, it's like Death Is Not An Option, but with another element added. Like DINAO, you can play it with famous people, people you know personally, or everyday items like cheeses or subway lines. (I always elect to kill store-bought Parmesan in a can and the 7 train.)

Staring at the kudzu that is my Netflix queue, I realized I had an awesome one in quirky teen-focused indies: Rushmore, Napoleon Dynamite, and Juno, which I would marry, fuck, and kill respectively.

How about y'all? Just curious.

(Edited due to the testy email I just received demanding to play cheeses and subways too. Hee. You can choose from canned Parmesan, Kraft Singles, and Cashel Blue; and the G, the 7, and the R. My answers, in FMK order: Singles, Cashel, Parm; G, R, 7.)

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  • SaturnCat says:

    My Indie-flick FMK, in that order: Rushmore, Napoleon Dynamite, Juno.

    Cheeses: mine is the same as yours, Sars.

    And I'm not qualified to rate the trains, since I've never experienced any of them.

  • solaana says:

    Ha! I should be doing a translation. Suckas!

    In FMK order:
    Juno, Rushmore, Napoleon Dynamit
    Parm, Cashel, Singles (I've never even had Cashel Blue but it's gotta be better than Kraft Singles)
    R, N, and whatever subway takes you to the top of the Bronx because taking that elevator down into the bowels of the earth to catch it is not ok.

  • Anselm says:

    In order – Juno, Rushmore, Napoleon Dynamite.

  • Rebecca says:

    Having not seen Juno (I know…) but thinking I'm going to like it more than a lot of other people did, I would put it at:
    Juno, Napoleon Dynamite, Rushmore.

    Kraft Singles, Cashel Blue, canned Parm.

    This last one is HARD, in a DINAO kind of way. I never have to ride the G, and it's kind of cool that it doesn't go into Manhattan, so: R, G, 7.

  • adam875 says:

    Really? You'd kill the 7 over the G? I guess since you live in Brooklyn the 7's really no use to you, but is the G useful to ANYONE? Whenever I have to go to Brooklyn (from Queens) I get all excited about the prospect of taking the G, and invariably it either doesn't go where I need it to or isn't running on the weekend. (I'd go with R, 7, G in FMK order, but since I live on the 7 I'm already married to it so it's not really a fair question.)

    As for the movies, I'd say Rushmore, Juno, Napoleon Dynamite. I really sincerely do want Napoleon Dynamite dead, and I don't think I could live with Rushmore's smugness for more than a one-nighter.

  • Ruby says:

    Hmm, I haven't actually seen Rushmore (I know) and I hate Napoleon Dynamite with the rage of a very rageful thing. I guess I'll have to go Rushmore, Juno, Napoleon Dynamite. Also, your cheese question is irrelevant because clearly sharp cheddar is The One True Cheese.

  • Pave.Gurl says:

    FMK, movies:
    Napoleon Dynamite (from the back, with no lube)(read: hate too much to kill, want torture instead)

    FMK, cheeses:
    canned "Parm"

    … and no opinion on the given trains.

  • Sars says:

    Just to be clear, the "Fuck" part means you want to fuck them in the good way.

  • Sars, this has nothing to do with anything, but I thought of you when I saw it: James Van Der Beek was spotted in Vero Beach (with Jeff Kent, of all people) today. Picture.

    Carry on, folks.

  • solaana says:

    @Ruby: Oh, I don't know. There really is something to be said about a properly ripened Camembert. Now that's a cheese I would marry in a heartbeat, if that were legal…and not weird or sad.

  • Alexis says:

    I'll play cheese, but I can't play Cashel Blue because I don't know what it is. FMK: Brie, Cheddar, Stilton.

    And for public transit on this coast: BART, Caltrain, SamTrans.

  • Jules says:

    Maybe I am over analyzing this, but why does everyone want to marry the exotic and artsy blue cheese? Aren't you afraid it's gonna get all too good for your boring ass and leave you? It's so sexy and rich you have to realize it is going to cheat on you! Me? I'd fuck the blue, b/c it is oh sooo good, but I'd probably marry the girl-next-door Kraft singles b/c they seem to know what domestic really means. Like Sars, I would kill the canned parm – a mercy killing really b/c it's such a pitiful wannabe loser.

    Gads! I actually spent time thinking about what kind of cheese to marry! Thanks Sars, I really didn't need any more fuel for my crazy fire.

  • becca says:

    Kill – Napolean Dynamite

    Damn, i wish i knew that third cheese. But i would guess it would be
    Marry- the cheese i don't know because i'd want to
    Kill- Kraft Singles

    and sadly, i'm a toronto-nian so know nothing of your amazing subways.

  • becca says:

    oh and if we're talking cheese that i'd want to marry. Sauvagine. It won best cheese in canada in 2006 and it is honestly, my future spouse. find it, love it.

  • Nick C. says:

    Fuck: Juno (great once, probably won't stand up to repeated exposure well)
    Marry: Rushmore (still great, years later)
    Kill: Napoleon Dynamite (massively overrated)

  • Karen says:

    FMK movies: Juno, Rushmore, Napoleon Dynamite.
    FMK cheese (which seems like a tautology): Kraft singles, Cashel Blue, canned Parm. But I would be a bigamist, because I'm already married to chevre.
    FMK subways: 7, R, G. Man, I once lived in Brooklyn, and the G was like a knife in the belly.

  • KER says:

    Movies: Rushmore, Juno, Napoleon Dynamite

    Cheese: Canned "parm"(I really love salt, and I think that's all it is), Cashel blue, Kraft Singles (HATE)

  • KER says:

    Oh, and I'll do FMK for the El in Chicago, in order:

    Orange Line
    Brown Line
    Red Line (PEOPLE. stop peeing in the hobo car, PLEASE.)

  • solaana says:

    @KER: I'll take the hobo-piss-smelling red line over the blue/pink lines of pointlessness any day. (Though now that I'm in this vein – FMK: Brown, Green, Blue – and that's despite the fact that half the brown line stations are closed! ARRRRRRRRRRG!)

  • JB says:

    FMK= Juno, Rushmore (4-eva!), Napoleon. I did not get ND at all. I feel so old. Kids these days!

  • zoelouise says:

    Hey! This is fun! For cheese: Cheddar, Velveeta, Swiss
    (In case you've been wondering who actually buys Velveeta, it's me!)

  • Katherine says:

    I'm relieved to see that I'm not the only one who COULD NOT STAND Napoleon Dynamite. Thank god, y'all.

    I haven't seen Juno, but I'd have to marry Rushmore. Twoo wuv, there.

  • Pave.Gurl says:

    @ Sars: *hee* Yeh, I figured as much, but I tend to use it in the Totally Negatory way much more often ("Fuck him in the earhole wiht a corncob!" and such), so that's what sprang immediately to mind… and as such had to be expounded on.

    @ zoelouise: OMG, me too re: Velveeta… Come to me, processed cheezy goodness with your yummy meltasticness. mMmm

  • Tiffanie says:

    I have been having a longstanding debate with myself on the FMK issue regarding presidential candidates. The M seems obvious to me, but the other two are just too close in the K category that it leaves me with nothing for the F category at all. BAH.

  • Keight says:

    zoelouise and Pave.Gurl, I'd marry Velveeta too. It's so wrong, but I don't care!

    Movies: Aw, I can't play. I haven't seen Rushmore OR Napoleon Dynamite. Though from the people I know personally who loooove ND, I'm guessing I'm going to hate it (these people and I do not agree about movies, like, at ALL) which is probably why I haven't seen it yet…

    I take the subway sometimes I just don't know which trains, so I sort of hate them all by default. I would kill the Green line D in Boston especially during baseball season (ahhhhh kill me!). I would probably fuck the red line, and marry the commuter rail. Oh and kill the Bonanza bus to Woods Hole that inexplicably stops in Bourne for an hour and is filled with the pain-in-my-ass Vineyard-bound. And the ferry, and the island itself for good measure. Nantucket can live. For now…

  • Jed says:

    @zoelouise and Pave.gurl

    Word on the meltasticness of the Velveeta processed cheese food by-product. Cheap and dirty queso is one of my guilty pleasures.

    F: Kraft Singles (Grilled Cheese just Mom used to make!),
    M: Cashel blue (Mmm, mold makes cheese better),
    K: Kraft Parm (Life's to short to poison perfectly good pasta with that crap!)

  • Moonloon says:

    Cheese in the UK:
    F Stilton
    M Half fat mature farmhouse cheddar
    K Cheese strings

  • K. says:

    Fuck Juno, marry Rushmore, kill Napoleon Dynamite.

    Fuck Cashel Blue, marry Kraft Singles, kill parmesan in a can. My mom used to serve store-bought spaghetti (sauce in a jar, parm in a can) when she was too tired to really cook, and when I got old enough to cook I was like, "Mom, I totally feel you on throwing something together when you just got home from a long-ass meeting, but you can buy grated real parm at the store." It's the food equivalent of the anti-sweats argument; you can take the same amount of time to pull on a well-fitting pair of jeans and a nice shirt as you would a ratty sweatsuit, but the former is SO much better.

    Fuck the 7, marry the R, kill the G. I never have to take the G since I live in Manhattan, but on the occasions I have been in Brooklyn and needed to take it, it has always been rerouted all to heck so I end up miles from where I need to be, and then it takes forever to come so I can get back to square one. The R has been pretty good to me; I can take it to Times Square to connect to the 1 to get home, and it's usually pretty reliable. I haven't taken the 7 too much but when I have, it's been fine, albeit crowded.

  • Tanya says:

    My friends and I love this game, but we call it fuck, chuck, or marry…
    and we play a lot using characters from Joss Whedon's shows. yup.

    F-cashel, M-kraft singles (grilled cheese heaven), K-canned parm

    F-juno, M-rushmore, k-napoleon dynamite.

  • DensityDuck says:

    Speaking of NetFlix, whatever happened to "Famous People's NetFlix Queues"? I wanted to see more of that.

    F: Mazinkaizer
    K: Gundam Wing

  • De says:

    My FMK list – Rushmore, Juno, Napoleon Dynamite.

    And, since it was already opened up by another Chicagoan, my Chicago transit FMK list – Red line, Orange line, Blue line.

  • brickton says:

    I can only play the subways not having experience with at least one in the other two categories so it's: R, 7 and G. I loves me some overcrowded but reliable and useful 7, but a torrid affair with R is a near forgone conclusion.

    As for the cheese, Jules, you cracked me up. The idea of picking a mate in this game based on perceived personality and predilection towards infidelity of the given object makes it a worthwhile game, else it's just stating a preference in a mildly amusing manner. It's the type of imaginative profiling my wife would use to justify a product crush (ie these shoes would totally stay up all night eating ice cream and talking trash about your loser ex-boyfriend who just cheated on you with that trashy cheerleader).

  • Audrey says:

    Flicks: Juno, Rushmore, ND
    Cheeses: Singles (good only if you're drunk and your standards aren't too high), Cashel Blue, Parm
    Boston Transit lines: Red line (lots of variety in clientele, and the longest ride from end to end); 39 bus (reliable, useful, boring); Kill (Green B line–seriously, kids, you can walk the single block between classes)

  • Jules says:

    @brickton: I totally feel less alone in the world now that I know about your wife. I have a pair of boots that I spent a year proposing to. These were the kind of boots that would have smoked cigs and downed tequila shots if they could. Whenever I would be out and about wearing them and encounter an annoying person I would just look down and they would be giving me the "I know. What a loser" boot eyeroll.

    On an anthropological observation note: Everyone has wanted to kill the parm, and over 90% want to marry the blue. That leaves the Kraft to fuck and this puzzles me. The Kraft slices would just lay there and be all "turn the lights out" and boring. At least the parm could be counted on for a good porn-style very vocal fake O.

  • Cate says:

    My friends and I play this game to categorize the strange men in bars. It's fun until you get to the part where, if one of them approaches you, the rules say that if you'd placed them in the F or M categories, you have to smile at them when they talk to you (at least for a few minutes).

    Vids: Juno, Rushmore, Nap
    Cheese: Parm, Blue, Singles
    Boston transit: Commuter Ferry (giving it up to the richies usually gets you a nice guilt-gift), Green C line (I can't think of anywhere I'd want to go where the C won't take me), any other Green Line

  • KER says:

    @Jules- nope, I wanted to fuck the parm and kill the Kraft singles. like I said, canned parm is basically just salt, which is my favorite thing in the whole wide world. Kraft singles are rubbery and plasticky and just totally inedible in my book.

  • Keight says:

    It has slowly dawned on me that I'm the world's biggest moron on the cheese issue. This entire time, I've been thinking "hmmm, I can't comment on the canned parm, because I've never had that."

    When I first read "canned parm", my mind went here

    And I thought "eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww, I didn't even know they MADE that in parm flavor!"

    Now I realize A) we are talking about this and B) I'm a jackass.

    I'm from the midwest. I should know from processed cheese. I am humbled and ashamed.

    @ Audrey, Hee!! Why are there even stops at Kenmore, Blandford, AND BU East? So useless.

  • hater says:

    Fuck Napoleon Dynamite (and deny it later), marry Rushmore, stab Juno in the neck.

    And Parm, Cashel, Singles.

  • Mel says:

    You would fuck the G? You must be dating someone in Williamsburg.

  • Meghan says:

    Marry Rushmore, fuck Juno (I think–I haven't seen it) and kill Napoleon Dynamite.

    I don't know anything about the trains and I abstain from the cheese question.

  • Natalie says:

    We always play FMK with options we try to make equally appealing or repulsive. You learn something about someone when you make them decide FMK: brie, cascaval, chevre and leave cheeses in cans out of it since really, who would marry that?

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