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Home » Culture and Criticism

TV Question Qorner: Hair, Die

Submitted by on June 16, 2011 – 1:28 PM10 Comments

Law & Order: D'Onofrionics.

Finale-makeout dollar bets!

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Rocco's Dinner Party. I loved The Restaurant. Rocco's unique brand of petulant flabbery is riveting to me, for some reason. RDP isn't terribly promising, though; based on the single episode I've seen, it's got Top Design-itis, by which I mean that the concept is comparatively fresh, but putting it in a competitive format, or in this particular competitive format, isn't a good fit for it.

And not for nothing, but I would like cooking shows to acknowledge that nobody cares about the décor. Top Chef learned years ago to leave the Restaurant Wars footage of cheftestants agonizing over square plates vs. round on the cutting room floor, and it's nice of Rocco to flog his friend's consulting business, but the physical trappings of dining are like editing — a good job is the one you don't notice. Unless a candelabra the challenger insisted on 1) belonged to Liberace or 2) lights someone's hair on fire, it's dull television.

And speaking of dull, what's with Rocco's straight-from-the-box dye job? I've seen better workmanship from 12-year-old punks; you can practically see the smudges at the hairline. I don't care that he's dyeing it — not everyone's grey comes in all designy and distinguished (i.e., there's a reason I stay blonde), and I respect his use of a more aubergine tint, instead of that sad Boca Red nonsense aging Hollywood stars tend to go for. My issue is that it shouldn't look as though he himself dyed it, over his sink at home with the crinkly plastic gloves.

And on the more professional-seeming, yet still dysfunctional dye-job tip…

White Collar. I haven't loved WC's gradual transition into a snarky-buddy comedic procedural. Of course it always had to become that, because it airs on USA, but the premise seemed like it had more to offer — more charisma, more smart plot fodder involving forgeries or notorious minting mis-strikes. Not that the Venn overlap between "the general demographic for the show" and "people who know/care what a minting mis-strike is" has anyone in it besides yours truly; I'm just saying.

The current season has doubled back to Neal scheming and trying to double-cross Peter, which in theory I should like, but it isn't quite working for me; it doesn't feel organic to the Neal character anymore. It does, however, give Tim DeKay a chance to step away from the too-goofy writing of Peter over the last year or so and get back into that foxy I'm-gonna-outsmart-you-sucka glowering he does so well, and let's face it: I watch WC for the cute factor, and Matt Bomer is formidably cute, but Tim DeKay is my inside-of-the-locker-door jam for real. Love that guy! Have loved that guy for a while. That guy owes me ten bucks for making me watch Carnivale, though.

And that guy needs to put his foot down on the Clairol Fed Goth nonsense. What's with the super-dark dye job? I don't have a photo for this one — DeKay's Wikipedia page has a very recent snap, and the hair's darker than normal there, but not as bad — but I spent most of the last episode wondering why my man looked so pasty. Well, I figured it out, and again, covering the grey = fine. Shoe polish = unfine. Quit it.

It's not just him, either; a new hair wrangler must have come in, because Marsha Thomason is about to collapse under the weight of an umbrella with extensions glued to it. Even Bomer's looking a little sticky. A major part of that show's appeal is how glossy and pretty everyone looks; don't get "glossy" and "greasy" confused.

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10 Comments »

  • attica says:

    In L&O:VDOmadness, I and my cohort have been furiously 'shipping a black market heart transplant so that VDO can at last make out with his true soulmate, Nicole Wallace/ Olivia D'abo. D'abo +D'onofrio = D'awesome.

    Ormond looks great, though. I covet all of her hair.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    D'ABO. You're so right. She's the best. Second-best is Erbe's face during Wallace episodes. "Here we fucking go again. HATE."

  • Jen S 1.0 says:

    Why does the making out have to preclude the alienation/despair? If any actor can make a "kiss I've dreamed of for years and years finally coming true" scenario fodder for A/D, it's VDO. I'm for making out with Ormond (angry), than Zombie Nichole (angry/triumphant), then Erbe (split second happiness/panic/run away), than moody "Sit Alone In My Apartment" shots, then "Erbe gets a call and we don't know what's said but her face is kinda saddish and everyone decides Bobby killed himself" finale.

    Eh? Eh? Whaddya think?

  • Sandman says:

    Once again, it's the tag cluster that takes this piece from "Love it" to "OMG! I could spread this on toast!"

    "Dork Venns" = Awesome.

    I've just started watching the second season of White Collar, as it happens, so this is very timely for me. (I'm hoping that the second season lives up to the sparkle of the first, but I'm a tiny bit skeptical.) Not sure why Season 2 hasn't been broadcast in Canada, but Amazon had a two-for-one deal on the DVDs. So far, so fun.

  • anotherkate says:

    I'm hanging in there for season 10 of Criminal Intent, but so far I'm baffled that Goren is in therapy and yet is failing to address ANY of the season 8 craziness. If they were going to be at all realistic they would've started season 10 off in Bobby's room at the psych ward.
    I'm torn on whether I want to see Goren/Eames, but I hope like hell they don't put him with the therapist, because A) it's seriously unethical and B) it would end with a pissed off Eames shooting Goren's balls off. I mean, really, after nearly a decade of putting up with his shit, she deserves better.

    I need to find a message board where I can geek out about this.

  • slices says:

    I LOVED The Restaurant. There was an element of real-ness to it that I've since learned is hard to come by on reality TV. I will have to check RDP out. I think Rocco has done a really impressive job de-douching his image in the years since The Restaurant aired, with various TV appearances showcasing a more down-to-earth and approachable side (along with some unfortunate eye work). I really did not think he would get another gig after that show b/c he was just insufferable to watch.

  • EAG46 says:

    I don't want Goren making out with ANYONE, but nor do I want him still morose and sad. I'd like to think the therapy did some good. Perhaps the last scene of L&O:CI has him showing Eames the new pet he adopted. Maybe a parrot: they live a long time and they're ridiculously smart like he is, so he can find a challenge that helps him…well not recover, but channel his energies into something positive.

  • Katherine says:

    I don't know about straight from the box, but somebody should tell Bob Costas to go a shade or 5 lighter. Not a good look.

  • Sandman says:

    I didn't watch all of ­The Restaurant, but for me, Rocco's dweeby, can't-read-the-room entitlement was as nothing – NOTHING, I say – compared to Jeffrey Chodorow's relentless need to prove everyone else not only wrong, but utterly moronic and worthless. It'd be like going into business with a Dementor.

  • FloridaErin says:

    Matt Bomer. That is a beautiful, beautiful man. And he sings. ::swoon:: I honestly have no idea why I don't watch White Collar, but he's reason alone for me to want to marathon it and catch up. Zachari Levi has said something to the effect of "he was chiseled by the gods". Not wrong, there.

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