Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

In The Presence Of This Continent
September 11, 2017 · 60 Comments
In The Presence Of This Continent

Years ago, my parents won a day trip in some sort of silent auction, a boat trip that would take us all around the island of Manhattan.

Order Of The Shallows: US Open 2017
September 4, 2017 · 3 Comments
Order Of The Shallows: US Open 2017

The tennis hotness rankings return…and the upsets at Arthur Ashe this time around definitely included our stomachs.

The Vine: August 14, 2017
August 14, 2017 · 6 Comments
The Vine: August 14, 2017

I started a new job a few months ago and I love it. The work is varied and what I like doing; my boss and co-workers are nice.

Meet Loofah
July 26, 2017 · 14 Comments
Meet Loofah

I have another foster cat. Her provisional name is “Loofah,” but I’ve already nicknamed her “Sweet Loo,” because she is very sweet.

The Vine: June 7, 2017
June 7, 2017 · 30 Comments
The Vine: June 7, 2017

I need help building a professional wardrobe.

The Poppy-Fields Movie Couch Of Fame: Almost Famous
June 5, 2017 · 10 Comments
The Poppy-Fields Movie Couch Of Fame: <em>Almost Famous</em>

No, you’re a golden god.

8 Sick Burns On Trump And Mar-a-Lago From Madness Under The Royal Palms
May 25, 2017 · 2 Comments
8 Sick Burns On Trump And Mar-a-Lago From <em>Madness Under The Royal Palms</em>

Laurence Leamer’s overwritten Palm Beach chronicle isn’t great…except the parts dragging the Commander In Cheeto.

The Poppy-Fields Movie Couch Of Fame: The Firm
May 8, 2017 · 8 Comments
The Poppy-Fields Movie Couch Of Fame: <em>The Firm</em>

Not just screwing, readers. All sorts of intimate acts, voting and whatnot.

The Vine: May 3, 2017
May 3, 2017 · 14 Comments
The Vine: May 3, 2017

How does the VineMind think I should best approach how much of my gastrointestinal disorder I should discuss with various people?

The Vine: April 26, 2017
April 26, 2017 · 17 Comments
The Vine: April 26, 2017

Dear readers: Should I ever move again AH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA [sob] obvs a trick Q, no I shouldn’t. Anyway: shoes!