"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

Spy Kids
August 22, 2002 · No Comment

After my last essay, a few of you might wonder why I've chosen to write about kids not once but twice in one week when 1) I don't have any and 2) I don't particularly …

The Vine: August 21, 2002
August 21, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I am a very lucky girl and I know I have far fewer problems than the people who normally ask for advice, but I have a decision to make and I don't know what …

Selective Memory
August 20, 2002 · No Comment

I hope, one of these days, when the Human Genome Project has finished the important work of isolating the genes that cause breast cancer and heart disease and birth defects and whatnot, and perhaps treated …

The Vine: August 20, 2002
August 20, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I met a man while playing a game on Yahoo, and struck up an email exchange based on several likes and dislikes we discovered about each other while playing the game. At first it …

The Vine: August 15, 2002
August 15, 2002 · No Comment

Please help me figure out what to do about our cat. Here's the background: She's about five years old. We got her when she was one. She's very sweet and friendly, and at first she …

The Vine: August 14, 2002
August 14, 2002 · No Comment

I've been so impressed with your Vine advice that I've sometimes wished I had a problem just so I could see what you would tell me to do. Now I have that problem. Wishes suck.
I …

The Vine: August 13, 2002
August 13, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I agree with your take on MP's problem. I would add that sometimes people inexperienced with drug and alcohol use can overestimate the seriousness of it when they see it. Mary's drug and alcohol …

Advanced Conversational Feline
August 12, 2002 · No Comment

"Well, that's a very sad story, and I feel for you, but it isn't time for your lunch."
"Get down. Get down. No, no, no — down on the floor. The desk is for humans. The …

The Vine: August 21, 2003
August 11, 2002 · No Comment

Sars, another answer for Quoi Faire would be to check into refinancing the mortgage now that she has that full-time good job. Having the job is a substantial financial change for the positive, so a …

The Vine: August 9, 2002
August 9, 2002 · No Comment

Hey there Sars! I've been reading your site for a while now and find you very astute, and very funny. I'm hoping that you can help me with another usage question…
A while ago, a friend …