"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: June 12, 2002
June 12, 2002 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
Okay, here's my problem…it's my parents. My parents have always been strict with me, meaning no sleepovers, no clubs, no weekend vacations, et cetera. Until I was 18 (I'm 24 now), I had to …

The Vine: June 11, 2002
June 11, 2002 · No Comment

You advised Monk, who's looking to start a relationship with the guy who just broke up with his girlfriend, to "get out of it now" and that "he's had no time to process the end …

June 10, 2002 · No Comment

Last Wednesday, my uncle had a heart attack — and not the mild soft-focus slo-mo Bayer commercial kind where everyone's standing around wearing chambray shirts and looking tragic and well-coiffed in the driveway as the …

The Vine: June 5, 2002
June 5, 2002 · No Comment

Hey Sars,
I'll cut right to the chase — my boyfriend of three years and I have long been planning on getting married. We were shooting for next summer. Come this fall, he says he has …

The Vine: June 4, 2002
June 4, 2002 · No Comment

Hey Sars,
This is for I Don't Need A Man To Be Happy, But One Would Sure Be Nice.
I know exactly what you're going through. I'm 21, a senior in college, and I've only recently met …

The Aging Process
June 3, 2002 · No Comment

When my alarm went off today, I opened my eyes one at a time, very carefully. So far, no pain. I eased up onto one elbow and waited for a hobnailed boot to slam into …

The Vine: May 31, 2002
May 31, 2002 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
Okay, so here's my situation: I'm a college sophomore, and I like to think that I am intelligent, at least marginally funny, and fun to be around. I have a pretty large circle of …

The Vine: May 30, 2002
May 30, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars –
Since I think your advice is pretty grand, I thought I'd pose you my little dilemma. When I was a first year at my university, I became friends with a group of …

The Vine: May 29, 2002
May 29, 2002 · No Comment

I have been serious with the most wonder-ific guy since last July.I knew from the start that he was divorced and had a little girl.We took things concerning her slowly, i.e. when I met …

The Vine: May 28, 2002
May 28, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars:
I have been close to where Drowning is currently (with the exception of the infidelity) and you published my letter last July in The Vine.I wanted to let Drowning know that her marriage …