"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: August 9, 2002
August 9, 2002 · No Comment

Hey there Sars! I've been reading your site for a while now and find you very astute, and very funny. I'm hoping that you can help me with another usage question…
A while ago, a friend …

The Vine: August 7, 2002
August 7, 2002 · No Comment

Hey Sars! I love TN, especially the Collected Cat Rants, and when I realized I had a dilemma, I thought it should go to you.
Welcome to The High School Soap Opera. The key players are …

The Vine: August 6, 2002
August 6, 2002 · No Comment

I'm a 22-year-old virgin who has absolutely no desire to have sex. I've had two boyfriends in my life, one when I was 17 and one when I was 20, but again, no desire to …

Life On Io
August 5, 2002 · No Comment

It is the job of the fifth-grade girl to master all things Ew, Gross. She must seek out Ew, Gross tirelessly; she must react to Ew, Gross with melodramatic shrieking, squirming, eye-shielding, and simulated gagging; …

The Vine: August 2, 2002
August 2, 2002 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
Okay. There's this boy. I've known him for about two years, and I've been seriously interested in him — strongly infatuated with him, anyway — for a ridiculously long time now, a little over …

The Vine: August 1, 2002
August 1, 2002 · No Comment

An interesting (if by "interesting" I mean "infuriating and rage-inducing") situation blindsided me yesterday, and I thought I'd run it past you.
Two of my closest friends are getting married in August (as in marrying each …

The Vine: July 31, 2002
July 31, 2002 · No Comment

Hey there Sars —
I have a problem that I'm pretty sure has never been covered in your illustrious column. See, my otherwise lovely and well-behaved husband is a compulsive talker.
And when I say "compulsive," I …

The Vine: July 30, 2002
July 30, 2002 · No Comment

Sars —
Generally your advice is spot-on, but your comments to Closet Case resemble pretty much what most non-gay people seem to think is the best advice for people who are still in the closet: reassurance …

Moving Pictures
July 29, 2002 · No Comment

I recently received a rather acidic email from a reader, demanding to know how I could "review" the AFI's 100 Greatest Movies if I hadn't seen half the films on the list. Well, I'll tell …

The Vine: July 26, 2002
July 26, 2002 · No Comment

Hey Sars,
I had a cat that also loved nothing more than peeing and/or crapping on the bathmat, but the bathmat ONLY. The vet remarked that the rubber backing on bathmats smells like ammonia to cats, …