"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: October 1, 2002
October 1, 2002 · No Comment

I have a problem that I've created, and I don't know who else I can talk to
that won't be all judgmental on me.My friends would absolutely freak if
they knew.
I'm straight, or at least I'm 90 …

Legends Of The Fall
September 30, 2002 · No Comment

Okay, autumn. It's almost October. I've always considered you my favorite season, but enough with the David Chase routine — let's get on with it. I want to see red and yellow leaves. I want …

The Vine: September 27, 2002
September 27, 2002 · No Comment

I agree with absolutely everything you said to "Wandering" yesterday, but I'd add one thing.It's possible that it's the last thing she wants to hear, and it's hardly the panacea some folks would have you …

The Vine: September 26, 2002
September 26, 2002 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
Could not resist responding to "Obsessed's" request for information.
While support groups are great, for both emotional stuff and for information,
when dealing with medical matters it is essential to check and double-check
anything anyone tells you.This …

The Vine: September 25, 2002
September 25, 2002 · No Comment

I am writing in regards to Coffeedrinker.I'd like to add to your
assurances that these kinds of dreams are totally normal before the wedding.
I just got married three weeks ago, and the last couple of months …

The Vine: September 24, 2002
September 24, 2002 · No Comment

Seeing as you are my fount of editorial wisdom, I figured I'd ask you a
question before I decided to kill my editor.
As a publications designer, I
have a fairly good sense of how to copy-edit. I …

Get Rich Quick
September 23, 2002 · No Comment

Regina: You know what we need to do?
Sarah: Ohhh, do I ever. Have you got a week?
Regina: No, seriously. You know Nerd-B-Gon spray?
Sarah: That used to advertise in the back of Mad Magazine?
Regina: Next to …

The Vine: September 20, 2002
September 20, 2002 · No Comment

Hey Sars —
I'm getting married in a couple of months. My fiancé and I have been
together for five years, we're happy together, all is well. We're both certain
that we're ready to get married, and are …

The Vine: September 17, 2002
September 17, 2002 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
Need a little cat-related advice and so am asking a dumb
question. I've been reading through your old TN columns and I
recently came across the one in which you rant about not
being able to find …

101 Ways To Pass The Time When You Have A Cold
September 16, 2002 · 2 Comments

1. Stand in front of the bathroom mirror and perform the voice-over for a Discovery Channel documentary on spelunking. "While stalactites often take millennia to form, this fine specimen — composed entirely of snot — …