"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: April 16, 2002
April 16, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I have a psycho neighbor. He lives in the apartment under me. The building is not well constructed and I have an idea that insulation was unknown to whoever did the actual construction. I …

Stone Killers
April 15, 2002 · No Comment

Regina: Standard, garden-variety "normal and nice."
Sarah: But not gooey, starry-eyed "normal and nice."
Regina: No. Just "normal and nice."
Sarah: And not the "he always seemed so normal and nice until the SWAT team broke down his …

The Vine: April 12, 2002
April 12, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I recently went up to Vancouver on a mini-break and came back not only totally on Canada's jock but also on that of a local boy. I told one of my guy friends about …

The Vine: April 11, 2002
April 11, 2002 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
I read the letter in the Vine about the FTM who is acting all jerky. A good friend of mine is also an FTM, and I have to say that the hormone treatments do …

The Vine: April 10, 2002
April 10, 2002 · No Comment

Oh Wise Sars —
My boyfriend is FTM trans — meaning that he's psychologically male, but has a female body. He's just started coming to terms with his gender identity, and I've been pretty supportive along …

Palm Tree Undies In Zombie Town
April 8, 2002 · 6 Comments

Notice that bottom of underwear drawer is visible.
Let two days pass.
Notice that most of bottom of underwear drawer is visible. Also notice rather gungy appearance of bathmat.
Let two days pass.
Spend ten minutes searching sock drawer …

April 1, 2002 · No Comment

On this day seventeen years ago, my father's company transferred him to a satellite office in Peru.
Okay, not really, but check it out.
After my parents "broke the bad news to me at the breakfast table," …

Nips of the Living Dead
March 29, 2002 · No Comment

A long time ago, in the days of underage drinking and roses, Maria José and The Resident Alien and I used to hang out with an annoying group of guys, partly because The Resident Alien …

The Vine: March 28, 2002
March 28, 2002 · No Comment

Maybe you can help me with this, because I can't seem to decide what to do. I've got a friend named Ann whom I've been friends with for about five years. We met our freshman …

The Vine: March 27, 2002
March 27, 2002 · No Comment

I have lived with Boy for a year now. We have been together for about six months longer than that. I have known him for three years now, literally since moments after he graduated high …