"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

Five Uneasy Pieces
February 11, 2002 · One Comment

1. contradiction
The cats love to go outside the apartment — love it. The hallway is their favorite place, their one true love. Hobey likes to sit at the front door and stare at the crack …

The Vine: February 7, 2002
February 7, 2002 · No Comment

Where do I begin?
Oh yes, at the beginning. I have a son. I've never been married, did not finish my degree, and come from meager socio-economic background.
We have lived with my boyfriend for almost two …

The Vine: February 6, 2002
February 6, 2002 · No Comment

I agree with you completely on why people procrastinate. I have been trying very hard to deal with my time-management issues of late, and I have a few suggestions.
If you have to do something huge …

The Vine: February 5, 2002
February 5, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
Just taking a brain-break at work to read the Vine. If you still post Vine feedback now and then, I have a thought to share with today's Procrastinator — this helped me greatly in …

Songs In The Key Of "Huh?"
February 4, 2002 · One Comment

Regina: Let's say you could do anything you wanted.
Sarah: Oh, yes — let's.
Regina: No, really. Let's say you could do whatever you wanted and get away with it.
Sarah: Okay. Hee.
Regina: What?
Sarah: Oh, just thinking about …

The Vine: January 30, 2002
January 30, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I started dating "Mike" three years ago when I was 15 and he was 18. We both shared a dark past (he was in remission for leukemia; I had received a kidney transplant two …

The Vine: January 29, 2002
January 29, 2002 · No Comment

Ms. Sars:
Am I missing the clues? Am I just not picking up on the signals he's throwing out? A few months ago, he told me he still loved me, but that he didn't know if …

Tech Wars
January 28, 2002 · No Comment

"Check the back of the TV where the wires lead into the TiVo."
"I DID that."
"So you're sure they're leading to the right –"
"YES I'm sure they're leading to the right outputs! What am I, STUPID?"
"It's …

The Vine: January 25, 2002
January 25, 2002 · No Comment

So last year, in my hometown, I got together with a guy, who soon after introduced me to his best female friend — let's call her "Angela." The three of us hung out a couple …

The Vine: January 24, 2002
January 24, 2002 · No Comment

I would love your objective opinion on a problem I'm having with my mother-in-law. She is a 70-year-old chain-smoking alcoholic with various health problems. According to her, she is always on the brink of death. …