"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: June 6, 2001
June 6, 2001 · No Comment

Hi Sarah,
When I read The Vine (as I love to do and you've even printed one of my letters) and I saw the letter from Bitter Bridesmaid, it really struck a note with me.I had …

The Vine: June 5, 2001
June 5, 2001 · No Comment

This is in response to the letter from The Untouchable. I've experienced exactly what she is going through. I too grew up in a very conservative, religious family, and did not start dating until I …

The Vine: June 4, 2001
June 4, 2001 · No Comment

Oh great goddess of Reason and Humor,
I bow to thee.
Let me begin by stating that I adore your site…I have read EVERY SINGLE piece on Tomato Nation, and look forward to reading more.Unfortunately, I didn't …

The Vine: June 1, 2001
June 1, 2001 · No Comment

Here's one for you.
I'm the youngest of three siblings.My brothers are 10 and 11 years older. Brother 1 and I live in the same city, which is about two hours away from my parents.I see …

The Vine: May 31, 2001
May 31, 2001 · No Comment

Hi Sarah,
I have one word for Shameless Hussy: porn. My current boyfriend had limited experience with other women but you would never have known it, and it was because he enjoyed porn. It's something they …

The Vine: May 30, 2001
May 30, 2001 · No Comment

Sars Dear,
In that same vein [as Sick Of Personal Questions], one of the things I truly hate from people is the overwhelming urge they seem to have to touch a pregnant woman's stomach. As if …

The Vine: May 29, 2001
May 29, 2001 · No Comment

Dear fellow cat slave,
I have a problem, and I was hoping that between you and your illustrious felines, you might help me see my way through it. My problem is this: I've been with Bear …

The Vine: May 25, 2001
May 25, 2001 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
My mother did the exact same thing Lucy's mom did to her. Only she had two more kids with the new man and decided that the mistake she had made in high school (i.e. …

The Vine: May 24, 2001
May 24, 2001 · No Comment

Hey Sars,
For the last 20 minutes or so I have been reading the Vine and thinking to myself, hmm, maybe I should run my issues past Sarah! So what do you know, I open up …

The Vine: May 22, 2001
May 22, 2001 · No Comment

Have I got one for you…
My ex's current girlfriend is semi-stalking me online. Okay, so stalking might not be the best term, but basically she's sent me harassing emails, somehow found out my instant messenger …