"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: February 27, 2001
February 27, 2001 · No Comment

Been a long, long while since I visited your site. It has really blossomed. Glad to see things haven't changed all that much, content-wise.
Here is one for you.
After a quick courtship and an unplanned little …

Book Smarts
February 20, 2001 · 2 Comments

I have never read Hamlet. It's probably the most famous play in the Western world, written by probably the most widely known playwright; the role is considered the apotheosis of the craft for actors. I …

Say Anything
February 20, 2001 · No Comment

How common is it to hear a person say, I myself do not object to this style of composition, or this or that expression, but, to such and such classes of people it will appear …

Scenes From A Road Trip
February 19, 2001 · No Comment

"I know."
"You got coffee, though."
"Yeah. Oh! Did you want one? I mean, was I supposed to get you one?"
"No. I mean — well, it wouldn't do much good at this point anyway. So what's with …

Be My Non-Valentine
February 19, 2001 · One Comment

February is a weird month. I like it because it's short, but I like the shortness of it because I hate everything else about it. As a kid, I read somewhere that it's the coldest …

So Your Cat Has Ass Breath
February 19, 2001 · 15 Comments

A month or two ago, I lugged the Hobe to the vet for his annual check-up. While we waited — well, I waited; the Hobe alternated between pointedly ignoring me and staring daggers at the …

The Vine: February 16, 2001
February 16, 2001 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
Let me start by saying that I love your Dawson's Creek recaps and visit TN often…perhaps a little TOO often. Which brings me to my problem: I procrastinate.
Yes, I know that most people are …

The Vine: February 15, 2001
February 15, 2001 · No Comment

You might recommend both friends [from the 2/13/01 letter] read The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin De Becker. There might be some parts that could be construed as …

The Vine: February 14, 2001
February 14, 2001 · No Comment

My problem is either with my roommate or with myself. I am counting on you to help me decide.
Let me start out by saying I am a big fan of "unrealistic" entertainment. My favorite TV …

The Vine: February 13, 2001
February 13, 2001 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
My best friend's husband has a psycho ex that is stalking him. She sends him threatening notes and phone calls, and she breaks into his car and his office. He refuses to take this …