"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: October 25, 2000
October 25, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
I'm planning to move to Chicago in about six months.I used to live there, and moved back to my hometown (my mother's suggestion) about two years ago.When I moved here, it was to save …

The Vine: October 24, 2000
October 24, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
Seeing as how you have a cat, this letter might be insulting to you, but I'd like your advice anyway.I hate cats.Very much.I'm not sure why, but I've always thought that cats are the …

The Vine: October 23, 2000
October 23, 2000 · No Comment

I have been married for six months to a man twelve years my junior (blah blah you go girl blah).That's not the problem.I don't think.
When we met, I was a cigarette smoker and he was …

The Vine: October 20, 2000
October 20, 2000 · No Comment

I think your advice to Third Wheel about whether Adam should choose spending time with her over his sister doesn't quite get to the heart of the matter.Any well-adjusted individual will have other friends, family …

The Vine: October 19, 2000
October 19, 2000 · No Comment

I have been online friends with these two girls for over two years. Last Christmas they all sent me gifts, even though I told them I don't celebrate Christmas and they didn't have to send …

4 Out Of 5 Doctors Agree
October 19, 2000 · No Comment

Nobody likes commercials. We might enjoy individual commercials, of course – the recent Volkswagen ad campaign, for example, or the "whaaaazzzaaaap" ads before the parodies got so played out – but on the whole, we …

Gym Dandy
October 19, 2000 · No Comment

Every year at around this time – when I've exhumed my sweaters from the back of the closet, returned my mittens to their rightful place on the radiator, and resumed my wintertime habit of grounding …

Mock The Vote
October 19, 2000 · No Comment

I have recurring anxiety dreams. In the anxiety dream I have most often, my teeth start to get loose, and in my dream, it's the weekend, so I can't go to the dentist, so I …

The Vine: October 17, 2000
October 17, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
Okay, I have this friend.This female friend.To her, we're like the epitome of best friends, and she claims that I'm closer to her than anyone.I'm like, okay whatever, because I don't really care.She says …

The Vine: October 16, 2000
October 16, 2000 · No Comment

For the past year, I've been dating "Adam."He's a great guy – I adore him – but I'm starting to wonder about the future of our relationship.The problem is Adam's sister "Anna."Adam and Anna share …