Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

At The Movies
March 19, 1999 · No Comment

I recently finished reading a biography of Elvis. When I put the book down, I felt really sad about what happened to him, and not only did I not understand how all of his so-called …

Open Eye, Insert Statuette
March 19, 1999 · No Comment

Why? Why do I do this to myself? Every year I gnash my teeth at all the Oscars hype, and every year I vow to rent a movie instead of watching the Fashion Disaster Ego …

I Want My MTV. No, Not That One
March 19, 1999 · No Comment

I cultivated many a guilty pleasure as a kid – spending my entire allowance on Skor bars; reading the naughty parts of The Thorn Birds; procuring a bottle of neon pink nailpolish, stealing through the …

The Skinny On “How Thin Is Too Thin?”
March 16, 1999 · No Comment

I never buy People. I never even leaf through it at the doctor’s office; I’d rather read a four-month-old issue of Parenting. Even an unapologetic pop-cultivore like me has to draw the line somewhere, and …

Greasy Kid Stuff
February 19, 1999 · No Comment

Adults love to wish out loud that they could return to the safety and simplicity of childhood. I hear a lot of these wishes at this time of year, when an overnight snowfall does not …

Martha Stewart’s Entropy
February 19, 1999 · No Comment

I have a recurring nightmare in which I arrive home from work and stop at the front desk of my building to pick up my mail, and along with the customary assortment of bills and …

Boo Hoo. Not.
February 19, 1999 · No Comment

Men irritate the hell out of me sometimes – for instance, the times I hang out with men, and the conversation turns to injuries we have sustained, and after we run through the usual broken …

Um, Mr. Kerouac? I Kind Of Need To Pee.
February 19, 1999 · No Comment

Ah, the open road. Americans love to say that phrase: “Ah, the open road.” Americans love the idea of the open road; we love Jack Kerouac, we love Route 66, and we love it when …

Snorf You, You Schwiz
January 19, 1999 · 10 Comments

I try to avoid making new year’s resolutions. I just can’t cope with instituting major changes on the very first day of the year. Nothing bites harder than waking up with a malignant hangover on …

Rite Of Springer
January 19, 1999 · No Comment

I spent New Year’s Day recuperating with a few of my favorite things: Bloody Marys, good friends, gossip, delicious pasta, and mind-numbingly bad film. The Biscuit and I, having downed enough room-temperature champagne and stayed …