Big Country Little Car Tour, Day 9
I went back to Chao Camp at midday. AB had tried to text me to say that Mad Chao was getting sprung from the clink, but I'd left my phone at Chao Camp, and my jacket, and at least five IQ points. Did laundry with one tied firmly on; remembered to take it with me; forgot the phone. Obviously. Pamie had to email to tell me to come join the Operation Free Mad Chao mission-accomplished rescue party.
When I arrived, Pamie wanted to talk about a crazy dream she had with a beefy-handed doctor who told us to buttermilk the funhouse. Sarah: "That's so strange; I had the exact same dream." AB: "What do y'all want for lunch?"
We all wanted lunch, to free our own kidneys from the infection known to the layperson as "pinot-itis." I remembered that shrimp po boy from my last visit to Chao Camp, when I ate it in two bites. I know now for sure that I can't get one like it in Brooklyn or on the Cape, so I savored it this time and ate it in only three and a half bites.
We sat on the porch and waited for Pamie to have to leave us, and for those IQ points to work their way back in through our ears somehow. Just one example of my temporary developmental delay: listening to a convo concerning the Chairman's plan to put a bar in the closet, I asked why he couldn't just go to the kitchen for a drink, it's right there. Silence. He'd meant a horizontal bar to hang clothes from, which any schoolchild would have known, but I assumed he wanted a wet bar in there with bourbon and a teeny icemaker and whatnot. I also assumed that AB had a clever design plan for it that I would then have to try to copy, even though my half of Far Thill doesn't have closets.
A word about AB's design style, and why it's awesome. You probably want your space to feel chic and livable, and that's where AB is a Viking; as much as you like looking at a room in her home, looking isn't all they're for. That proceeds mostly from AB herself and not from any color or furniture choices, and sitting there, idly leafing through a catalog, talking about cutting bangs, I realized that it's time to stop putting off the housewarming until Far Thill "looks right." It's old, the previous owners liked oogy pastels, and it could be 2015 before it "looks right." The most important element of good design is making people feel like they want to sit around and hang out, so let's get a keg and some Cool Ranch and do it.
After Pamie had hobbled off for the return leg (as it were) of her hero's journey, AB and Mad and I had Sonic Wednesday (those CreamSlushes! amazing), and then AB tried to interest me in an activity. Did I want to see her mom's new house? Did I want to go for a bike ride? I chirped "no thanks!" to each suggestion, because 1) I came to sit on the porch and talk to AB, and 2) thanks to the pinot, I was now too dumb to operate a bicycle. This is how "beloved" children's-book character Hateful Buntsy was born. Hateful Buntsy Won't Go For A Drive.Hateful Buntsy Won't Go For A Bike Ride. Hateful Buntsy Makes A Mess…Goes To Jail…Hates Birds. And Mad Chao's contribution, Hateful Buntsy Ruins Everything…Always.
Sarah: "You think I won't throw a foot up your ass 'cause you're sick, Hateful Kidney?"
Mad Chao: "Hateful Buntsy Won't Beat Me, She's Too Lazy."
Sarah: "Hateful Touché."
We could have sketched the whole series and gotten rich in children's publishing already, but AB and I can't draw and Hateful Kidney, who can, needed a nap, so I consented to a bike ride to Sarkisian's house. We drank beer and reviewed the buttermilk saga, and Sarkisian's nippy puppy attacked our shoes and pant legs. Sarkisian neatened up our brows.
AB: "Hateful Buntsy Gets A Wax! This calls for a photo."
Sarah: "Hateful Absy's Funeral Was The Event Of The Season. One chin in that picture, or I'm-a kill you."
The Chairman arrived. Night fell on us, lightly. A black cat named Mister criss-crossed the yard. We talked about everything, and nothing, as you do. Every day since leaving, I've been asked some variation on "You drove all the way from New York? To do what?" The answer: nothing. I drove all the way from New York to do nothing with friends, which is the best, happiest thing to do.
Next stop: KC MO.
Tags: AB Chao Big Country Little Car Tour Chairman Chao feline fun times food friends Hateful Buntsy home 'n' garden lissen lissen lissen I love you guyssshh Mad Chao Pamie piranha puppies of the bayou publishing puns for which I should be slapped shut up buttermilk travel