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Home » Stories, True and Otherwise

The NC Double Scrooge Semifinals: Round One

Submitted by on December 17, 2010 – 9:37 AM11 Comments

Below, you'll find the semifinal polls for the Shopping, Entertainment, and Decor divisions. A couple of similar top finishers got merged into one entry; another poll has four semifinalists instead of three because only one vote separated two of the top finishers. Once again, you vote for your most hated (and you only get one vote this time, so make it count) — and don't forget to vote in all three polls.

Look for the other semifinal poll on Monday, and then a massive pine-scented bowl-of-Christmas-bees final brawl later in the week.

NC Double Scrooge Shopping Semifinal: Pick Your LEAST Favorite

  • Shitty gifts and the Oscar-worthy acting job you must do upon receiving them (27%, 331 Votes)
  • People who brag endlessly that they're already done with their shopping (27%, 328 Votes)
  • The Salvation Army Santa incessantly ringing that goddamn bell (25%, 309 Votes)
  • The shopping itself (22%, 269 Votes)

Total Voters: 1,237

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NC Double Scrooge Entertainment Semifinal: Pick Your LEAST Favorite

  • The alleged "War On Christmas" annually fabricated by conservatives (51%, 626 Votes)
  • Christmas commercials, especially for 1) jewelry; 2) red-ribboned cars; 3) Folgers' incestuous "brother comes home" spots; 4) "I can't seem to forget yooooooou -- your Windsong stays on my miiiin (30%, 364 Votes)
  • Inescapable Christmas music everywhere -- the deli, the mall, every restaurant and Starbucks, the salon, on hold (19%, 235 Votes)

Total Voters: 1,225

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NC Double Scrooge Decor Semifinal: Pick Your LEAST Favorite

  • People who get all bent out of shape about either hearing "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays," or having to SAY "Happy Holidays" (65%, 785 Votes)
  • Epileptically blinking lights (18%, 222 Votes)
  • People who leave their fading, drooping decorations up until February (i.e., "the tree" becomes "the Valentine's Day needle heap") (17%, 210 Votes)

Total Voters: 1,217

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  • Otter says:

    Wow, the first two groups were hard; so much to hate!

    The last one was easy, the bent out of shape greeting grinches were the clear choice. But They had worthy competition.

  • mctwin says:

    Dear Sars and Co.,

    Thank you for this Scrooge bracket! I've laughed so much in the past week! I almost got fired on Wednesday for all the "Christmas Shoes" vitriol that had me gasping for air at my desk! You and your readers are the best!!

    Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  • Jenn says:

    I got a complaining Salvation Army Santa at the grocery store the other day. He murmured, "I only get one break" to me as I tried to ignore him. Yeah, sorry, dude, but that doesn't make the ringing any less annoying.

    Also, I've had "The Chipmunk Song" stuck in my head since Thanksgiving.

  • Jen S 1.0 says:

    Woot, coming down to it!

    After much thought on the first catagory, I had to go with my Oscar performance. My mother, bless her heart, is a wonderful and generous woman, but her taste in clothes is–well. You know how you someimes have that one grandma or aunt who's convinced you are permanantly six and will send you five dollars in a fluffy kitten card every year? That's my mom, but she apparently thinks I am a multiple personality (to be fair, would I know if I was?)

    She sent me a surprise package of shirts she picked up a Target a few months ago, and oh, Lordy. Apparently I simutaneously come across as Mary Ellen on her way to the big country dance, a seventy five year old chain-smoking-and-wearing grandma on her way to the dog track, and a kindly pediatric nurse on her way to the grocery store. Nothing wrong with being any of these things, but I am not.

  • Jennifer says:

    I am also loving the Double Scrooge. It makes me feel better!

  • Tarbosaur says:

    How is "christmas commercials" even staying in the race?

  • Profreader says:

    I forgot to mention in the entertainment division my burning hatred for that sub-genre of "Christmas mayhem!" movies like Jingle All the Way, Christmas with the Kranks, that other one with Matthew Broderick and someone, (Jon Lovitz?) as neighbors squabbling over their Christmas light displays … AAAAAGH! What brain-dead studio executive keeps greenlighting these? Does ANYONE enjoy them? I think not.

    Re the "War On Christmas", Jon Stewart just did a very funny bit on it — "The Gretch Who Saved the War on Christmas." Some Fox News anchor (Gretchen someone) is grilling the organizer of a Tulsa parade that changed its name from the whatever whatever Christmas parade to the whatever whatever Holiday parade. She scornfully said, well, aren't people dropping out of the parade now? The organizer, who was completely calm and kind of amused by the whole thing, said "Not really." She got him with the "zinger" that Senator Inhofe and also an alpaca farm, would not be participating.

    Clearly Christmas is besieged in Tulsa.

  • Stephanie says:


    My reason for voting for the commercials is that they are the media through which the whole commercialization of Christmas is perpetuated.

    Christmas is all about buying lots of stuff for people! Your Christmas will suck if you don't buy the right stuff! Buy as much stuff as you can for as little money as you can, and feel like a winner! Your wife will only love you if you buy her diamonds and a car! Your kid will only love you if you spend insane amounts on this doll that we are advertising the hell out of, but only making 1000 of, so that everyone will want it but no one can get it. It doesn't matter what stuff you get, just get everyone lots of stuff! Buy stuff, and mark people off your list, because that's the important part! Christmas is about STUFF! Also, the freakin' commercials are starting in October now, so I get 2 months to HATE!

    I'm not Christian, so Christmas isn't about Jesus for me, either. It's about being with my family (who I live 6 hours from), and about finding the people I care about a just-right gift that shows that I know them and thought about what they would like, and that would make them happy. Not that I bought the most expensive-looking thing for as little money as possible, then crossed them off a list.

  • Michelle says:

    Holy crap. I live in Tulsa. Are you telling me that these crack-smokers have made the NATIONAL news?!?!? How humiliating.

  • Wehaf says:

    @Michelle – yup! Here's the Daily Show clip that Profreader mentioned:

  • Melissa says:

    Per epileptic lights, for your consideration Slayer Christmas:

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