The Vine, Anniversary Edition: April 26, 2010
A quick administrative note: I won’t pick prize-winners until all the anniversary Vines have gone up; that’ll give everyone a decent enough crack at answering. On to today’s questions!
*****
Hi Sars,
I have one for you and the readers. After 11 years of living mostly overseas in Australia, I am now returning home to Boston permanently. It’s by choice, sort of: I’ve recently found that I’ve pretty much exhausted my visa options, and rather than try to spin it out any further on desperation, anxiety and no money, I’m going to go home and make my life where I’m safe and secure and have the novel options of full-time work, earning enough to live on properly, doing a masters, starting relationships unencumbered by visa end dates, and all those other things that I imagined I’d have in place long before I was 32.
The thing is, while I know that I’m making the right decision for my future, it’s breaking my heart. I wanted so desperately to stay here in Sydney, and I have my friends here and my life here and so many things I love. I never seriously imagined moving back to Boston permanently, and while there are heaps of awesome things about Boston (both as a city and being closer to my roots there) I’m still afraid of how much pain is in store for me. I’m going back to no job, no money, a very small social circle — more like a triangle, really — and, god help me, living in my parents’ house.
I know that I’ve got to find a balance between mourning the life I’m leaving behind me in Sydney and embracing the opportunities that will now be available to me. I’m scared that I’m going to get mired in the grief. I’m not good at letting go of things, and I have some anxiety problems on top of it. I went through a big break-up about 18 months ago (which brought about my visa problems to begin with), and it took me a long time to get over that 3-1/2-year relationship. I feel like leaving Sydney is going to be more like a break-up than anything else, which means that I’m now facing the end of an 11-year relationship, which is just…so much worse, and I’m not sure I’m up to it, you know?
So what I’m looking for is suggestions on how to deal with resettlement from you and from people who have been through it, especially people who moved super-long-distance and/or didn’t go entirely by choice. How did you deal with the grief? How did you get back on your feet? How did you get your social circle up and running? And how did you balance keeping in touch with your loved ones in your previous home with letting go of your life there and moving on?
To clarify: I am NOT looking for suggestions about staying in Australia. I’ve done the research, I know how miniscule my chances are, and I know that I cannot bear to live with this anxiety and insecurity any longer. I want help moving on and restarting my life. I know that this is something that people do every day, and I know that this could be the best decision of my life IF I do it right. Any suggestions you and the readers could give would be very welcome.
There’s No Place Like Home…Wherever That Is
Dear Place,
I’ve lived in the same time zone my entire life, and never moved farther from where I grew up than I could drive in a day, so the readers will no doubt have better advice than mine.
But if you’re already thinking about it as a break-up, it might not be the worst thing to treat it as you would the end of an interpersonal relationship. Not a “don’t call Australia for 90 days” level of literalness, obviously, but some of the other tricks: trying to view it as the beginning of something, instead of the end; allowing yourself a certain amount of time each day to feel sad about it before moving on to another thing; accepting that we don’t live in movies, and these things can take time to adjust to.
And now that I think about it, you may want to avoid calling Australia for 90 days. Well, don’t call your friends for like a month or something, and don’t go on Facebook for a while, because it’s the same principle that applies to going to college — it’s a good decision and you’re excited about it, but it’s also intimidating and overwhelming, and there’s a temptation to call your high-school friends and write them letters and visit them and kind of try to keep one foot in your old life. We all did it, ain’t nothing wrong with it, but people who kept doing it into sophomore year, it was like, why’d you come here?
You’ll have days when it’s hard and you feel horribly homesick, all the more so because you are “home” and you might feel like you “shouldn’t.” Just give yourself time. And see what the readers think. Readers?
*****
Hello!
Neither my sister (a librarian) nor I (not too shabby with the Google-fu) have been able to track this one down, but if Vine readers can not only identify a Seventeen magazine story about a gelatinous girl in a salad dressing bottle, but find the text online, what can they not do?
Our mother has often talked about a science-fiction short story that was very meaningful to her. As she did not share it with us at the time that she read it, I’m guessing it predates our being of an age to appreciate it, which means at the latest it’s from the 1960s, but more likely from the 1950s.
Here’s what she tells us about the story:
It is titled “The Curator.”
It is set in a time when either most of humanity is either dead or doomed or suchlike; perhaps a select number has been able to evacuate Earth.
A man who knows he and human life on Earth are doomed still wants to preserve the best of what humankind has produced over the years. He travels around collecting items to put into a spaceship to be sent out away from Earth, hoping that someday someone will see them again. She specifically remembers that he cut the hands of Adam and God out of the Sistine Chapel as one of the items for the ship.
She still cries when she describes the story.
Trying to make my mom cry again (in a good way)
*****
Hi Sars and the great Tomato Nation,
I just learned that April is National Poetry Month, which kind of makes me want to read more poetry. (You know, more than the none that I currently read.)
The trouble is that I’m a very literal person, so I have trouble figuring out what’s being said if it’s not explicitly stated. I think what I need is Poetry for Beginners — something that’s pretty easily accessible.
I remember enjoying some of John Donne’s work when I encountered it in college, and Sidney Lanier’s “The Marshes of Glynn” was another that I really liked. I’d like to try to stretch myself just a bit, but don’t know where to start. Any recommendations? Bonus points for material that’s in the public domain and easily findable online. Thanks a million!
Perhaps not quite as literal as Constance Brennan, but close
*****
Hi, Sars and Tomato Nation…
I have been tormented by the image from a book I must have read between second and fifth grade of the main character’s younger sibling eating — barf — peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. Specifically, gloppy, messy, dripping peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. I feel like this is a minor part of a beloved and re-read book…one of the L’Engle books about the Austin family? A Judy Blume book? Help!
Google searches have turned up, unbelievably, nothing but recipes…RECIPES!!!…for the horrific-sounding peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich. Who would want a recipe for that? And, who would need a recipe for that? Isn’t it just PB and mayo on bread?
Still gagging
*****
Hey Sars and Readers!
I’m looking for a book. I don’t have a lot of specifics so I am hoping someone will be able to piece something together from what little I remember.
This book was listed as a choice on a school summer-reading list one year. I think I read it in early high school, but it could have been middle school, so sometime between the years of 1992-1995, though it may have been published anytime prior to that. It was a short story (possibly a poem, but I don’t think so).
The key components I remember include: a lighthouse keeper, an island or other remote area of land which contained the lighthouse, a crane or other sea bird which returned to the lonely lighthouse keeper each year.
I think the lighthouse keeper was an old man, possibly Asian? Or maybe the cover of the book had an origami crane on it and I am projecting. There may or may not have been a young child involved who came to visit the old man? And the old man might have been teaching him life lessons or something via the crane? Or maybe there was no child at all, and it was just the crane who he talked to? There may have been a broken wing/arm/leg involved somewhere with someone needing to tend to the injury…
All I know is that one year the bird and/or child stopped visiting because he/it was injured and/or died and it was very sad. Or maybe the old man died. Or both. It’s all very jumbled in my brain! I believe there were a few line drawing/sketch-type illustrations. I thought the title might have had the word “crane” or “lighthouse keeper” in it, but I’ve searched Amazon for all children’s and YA books with those words in the titles and nothing is similar.
I would love to re-read this story. Googling has been futile. There are a few Asian stories involving cranes, but it is NOT the story about the girl with cancer and the paper cranes, or the story about the crane wife.
Thanks for any leads!
Cranes on the brains
*****
Hey Sars,
Here’s another shoe plea for you and the readers.
I’m starting nursing school this year. This means I’ll need some seriously supportive and comfortable footwear. There are plenty of nurse blogs with suggestions, but they rarely apply to me because I happen to be a guy. Male nurses are still something of a minority and I haven’t found any shoes marketed straight to us.
The major difficulty is that, as part of my student uniform, the shoes have to be solid white and without any non-white markings or logos. That means I can’t just follow my druthers and go with a really good pair of hiking boots.
The only all-white shoes I’ve ever owned were cheap sneakers, and they would never have held up to an eight- or twelve-hour shift of standing and walking. Worse, regular sneakers are not waterproof — and hopefully I need not explain why that’s an important consideration in a hospital situation.
In what brand or style might a shoe-challenged dude find this sort of thing?
Short Scrubs, Long Jacket
Dear Scrub,
…Clogs? My friends in the health field swear by them for long days, and I found a small selection on Zappos.com; the Dansko Professional is all white, including the sole. You could check Endless.com and shoes.com as well.
Readers?
*****
Hi Sars,
My usual Google-voodoo has not worked. Technically it is something my mom remembers, but I doubt that she thinks about it very often — it’s me that really wants this mystery solved!
Okay, so this is something that aired on TV, most likely in the ’80s, most likely on PBS. It sounds like a Twilight Zone episode or a Ray Bradbury type of a thing, but searches into those areas have left me without a solid lead, so it may have even been a movie of some sort.
A few things my mom remembers:
- In this town/planet/whatever, the currency is minutes of your life (i.e. you want to buy lunch, that will cost you 15 minutes). You can also earn minutes just like you would earn money.
- When you run out of time, you die. So, you can live for a very long time if you are “rich” or frugal with your life minutes.
- I think she said there was some sort of credit-card type of thing that held your balance. They would swipe it to pay for things.
- One person was desperately trying to beg minutes from people since she was nearly out of them.
- The most chilling moment she relayed to me involved a compulsive gambler at a slot machine who had to just keep trying one more time to hit the jackpot. The gambler didn’t win — instead, he/she ran out of time and died on the spot.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? The concept creeps me right out and I’d love to see it someday. If anyone can help, I’d be much obliged. I don’t want my life minutes to expire before I figure this out!
Hey Mom, keep your other weird movie memories to yourself, okay?
Tags: Ask The Readers city living John Donne Madeleine L'Engle popcult Ray Bradbury retail Sidney Lanier
To Home, Wherever –
I have moved back and forth from Australia to the USA more than once. The most useful thing I found to establish myself in my new surroundings was to volunteer my time in a way that interested me and also helped others. Do you sing? Join a choir. Do you love reading books? Join a book club, or volunteer to read to children at your local library. Perhaps you can see where I’m going with this. Get involved with something that interests you. You will meet other people who are interested in that thing, too – and you will immediately have something to talk about.
Oh, and if it turns out that the first thing you try is not as interesting as you thought it might be – choose something else. Please yourself. Look for things that you enjoy and do them.
And know that it will probably take 18 months or so before you really start feeling “at home”. That’s simply how long it takes.
Good luck! And good on ya!
I moved cross country not knowing but a couple people in my new city, and highly recommend starting a few regular activities–I do ballroom dancing, but a sports team or a religious group or a book club or whatever…something that meets regularly and will have people interested in something you’re interested in, and you’ll get to know naturally by meeting every week, is one way to start. And realize that much like freshman year of college, you may make some friends that you don’t stay friends with, and that’s OK. AND…it’s sometimes harder to make friends as an “adult” than as a college student/early 20s person, when people seem to already have their friends group set. Give it time.
Nearly Constance,
I’ve found “101 Famous Poems” by Roy J. Cook to be beloved by all. Pop for a couple of used copies, because you’ll probably want to give one away at some later date.
Crap. Every single TIME I see one of these “Ask the Readers” things, I skim through frantically, hoping to be of some help to someone, and every time, BUPKIS, baby.
And now I’ve got that Rod Serling face haunting me just like the dummy’s in “Magic”. Brrrrr….
@Place
I moved 1000 miles to a city where I knew exactly one person after a terrible break-up. The keys, for me, were being okay exploring the city alone, being open to new kinds of friends, and shamelessly “stealing” friends of friends that you connect with. The first year was really, really hard. There were lots of tears and reading books about people in exile. But it got better. You make new friends and you build a new life.
I want to second the recommendation for Helen Vendler’s Poems, Poets Poetry. The first half of the book has chapters explaining what makes a poem a poem (why do they rhyme, why a particular stanza length, why this image, why that metaphor). Her explanations are clear and make even seemingly complicated poems accessible. The second half of the book has an anthology of poems. Her book helped me understand why someone would choose to express ideas through poetry.
Oh man, I finally think I knew one and a bunch of people beat me to it. Cranes likely is thinking of “The Snow Goose”. I haven’t ever read it, but I spent almost a year tracking down a functioning torrent of the Hallmark/BBC movie for my mother. (They never released it on DVD or VHS so my mother hadn’t seen it since it aired in 1971. She’s in love with Richard Harris.)
I’m dying to know what the last one is, though. I’d love to see it.
@place–I would recommend giving yourself a time limit. So, tell yourself that you’ll reevaluate the situation in [fill in the blank]. That might be a certain amount of time, or when you’ve met a certain goal. That might take a little bit of pressure off–get rid of the idea that you’re changing your life forever.
When I moved to Connecticut, I left behind Washington, DC, where I’d lived for more than 10 years, a career I had really embraced, and a group of amazing friends. The distance is a lot less than yours, but on a grad school budget, I wasn’t in a position to travel back very often.
I hated it in Connecticut for a long time. I had trouble meeting people and wasn’t sure it had been the right move. But I told myself that I would leave when I was done with my program (about five years). I slowly started to make friends and find a network here. It took a while before I felt that I had succeeded in creating a life here, but imagine my surprise when I finished my program and didn’t want to leave!
I’m still not sure I’ll stay here forever–I decided to buy a house, and reevaluate in another five years. Maybe it’s just the commitment-phobe in me, but I love the feeling of freedom, even if I don’t exercise that feeling.
Good luck!
@Scrubs:
Skechers has a great line of work shoes. They are super comfortable, and they have all white styles for men, too! Also, they’re slip resistant.
@Home,
I have the opposite problem; I am very good at moving. Since turning 18 and leaving for college, I have averaged only 18 months in each place I’ve lived, with the longest being just over three years. In fact, right now I’m trying hard not to leave London (the latest place I’ve landed), and realizing just how hard staying can be.
Having moved lots of times, I think there are certain things that do make it easier for me to move. Getting your “home” in order is really critical; I echo the suggestion to find yourself some personal space at your parents’ home. Another critical rule I have is a “no travel” period where I spend my weekends wandering around my new home. Finding new activities and groups is also really important; my first stop is usually to find a yoga studio that I like, and to make searching for it an adventure. And lastly if you are finding it hard to find a new group of friends, consider becoming an organizer yourself. In Germany, I was having such a tough time that I founded an expat network that is still active even after leaving there for here. That was also tough at first, but so worth it in the end.
And do give yourself a break, especially when you get sad. Again, having been through this so many times, I know that at three weeks & again at three months, I’m going to break down and cry about something. You just have to get on the other side of those times and trust that there is fun waiting for you if you just try again.
Best of luck; I know you’ll get through it!
How about these Birkenstocks. A bit of a cliche possibly, and may take a bit of wearing in if you’re not used to them, but they’re hellish comfortable and wear for years indoors.
I don’t have a super-lot to contribute, but “Nearly Constance” would make a kick-arse band name.
I moved from Anchorage, Alaska to North Yorkshire, England 18 months ago, and I’m STILL settling in. I’m a nester by nature, so the first thing I did was to find a choir or three to join, get a library card, and try to worm my way into the community. My transition was harder because a) I couldn’t find a job to save my life for the first year I was here, and b) I didn’t fit in with the built-in community of US military spouses here. Also: it used to be a cinch when in a foreign country to say you’re from Alaska and people would sort of disassociate you from the States and its politics and think igloos and Eskimos and re-runs of Northern Exposure as stereotypes instead – and then along came Sarah Palin. We moved just before the election. Sigh.
Anyhoo, for Home, Wherever, I thirty-second the advice of finding positive ways to connect to your community. Also, whoever said that bit about finding places you’re comfortable with, AMEN! What a great idea – and one that I could have used about 18 months ago.
Poetry suggestions: I second the suggestion of Keillor’s Good Poems. For a reader who likes things kind of literal, I’d also suggest that you try cowboy poetry. The images are usually very concrete, the language is evocative of the poet’s love of Western life, and a lot of the poems are just damn funny. When they have a poetry competition, the winner is declared “Poet Lariat”. A good collection can be found at http://www.cowboypoetry.com for a start.
OH MY GOD IT WAS A GOOSE! I mean, hey it’s me, Cranes. Thank you SO MUCH to Kirsty, Liz, Jane and Suzanne! It’s totally The Snow Goose! I don’t know where the Asian component came from in my mind (although I also read The Joy Luck Club that same week as part of the same reading list, so perhaps that explains it). I’m off to Amazon to purchase it now! This has plagued me for years, I can’t believe I waited so long to ask you guys. Thanks again!
@place: I moved back to Boston after stints in NYC, London, and San Francisco. It was a huge adjustment. Personally I forgot how socially conservative much of the city can be! I was definitely homesick for the more exciting places I’d been, but proximity to family did help.
First off, I absolutely recommend getting to the library, that saved me – and walking, walking, walking. One of the things I never realized was how tiny Boston proper actually is compared to other cities – it is extremely walkable, and I found it really helpful to discover neighborhoods, etc. I have some anxieties about new places and things, ie, have to walk by a cute shop a million times before I can venture in, but gradually I got more and more comfortable. I also got a temp job right away, while I looked for more permanent work, which made things a little easier.
Good luck.
@Constance: I have a hard time “getting” poetry and/or finding any that really speaks to me, but I love Walt Whitman. I had to read Leaves of Grass in high school, and only then did I finally understand what poetry was all about (well, for me, at least). You can easily find all of his stuff online.
@ Meredith B. – Gag here! It was totally “10 Kids No Pets”!!! Thank you so much! The word “gloopy” stuck in my mind, too, which is totally why I included it! I hoped it might ring some bells.
Oh how I wanted to have a kitten named Zsa Zsa or Zuriel when I was little…
Also, I can’t believe how many Tomato Nationals eat PB and mayo! I guess if you can come up with “10 Kids, No Pets” and the names of random Spanish-language game shows, I shouldn’t be surprised!
You know, there aren’t that many places that “OH MY GOD IT WAS A GOOSE!” could form a part of the conversation and not cause, you know, consternation. It’s part of what makes the Nation so wonderful. I’m so glad B. found the book – Gallico’s great. And so’s Stephen Fry – I love everything of his I’ve read. I’m off to find his poetry guide that Beadgirl recommended, and I’m willing to bet that it’s hugely entertaining, not knowing anything else about it. Fry’s so sharp and funny, I bet Not-Constance will love it, and so will I.
Quit creeping me out, Rod Serling.
Poet: Try Emily Dickinson, she’s pretty funny. :)
Home: I have moved countries a few times – it is a kind of culture shock each time, and each time, I missed the old place a lot, even though the new place offered some good opportunities. It does feel like a breakup. Which brings me to my suggestion: (which might sound weird) take a tae kwon do class. It is something new, something to look forward to, something that does amazing things for your fitness and body shape. Maybe ask your parents if they could front the money for an introductory class as an early birthday present? I am not an athlete or anything, but I did this to get over one of my (human) break-ups, and man, it was the most therapeutic thing ever.
I can’t let this go without recommending Emily Dickinson for poetry. If only for the reason that (since she wrote exclusively in sonnet form) you can sing every one of her poems to the tunes of 1) The Yellow Rose of Texas; and 2) The theme from Gilligan’s Island. Hours of fun!
(I hope I haven’t just ruined serious fans from every enjoying “Because I Could Not Stop for Death” ever again… Hee!)
@attica: I’m going to be singing “Because I Could Not Stop For Death (Here On Gilligan’s Isle!)” ALL DAY NOW. That is awesome.
Gee, Sars, thanks for that spit-take. I need a new keyboard now.
As much as I hated my senior-year AP English class (because of the misogynistic prune of a man who taught the course), I loved the poetry text we used. It was called Sound and Sense, and I treated myself to a copy after I graduated, even though it was expensive (no Amazon Marketplace back then, sadly). I still revisit the poems in it from time to time. I liked that it presented a wide range of poems; while I didn’t like all of them, there were enough that I did like to make it a compelling read.
@Poems – have you tried any Robert Frost? It’s not contemporary, but not hard to get, either, and lots of it in the public domain.
I have to add a further comment on Sound and Sense: That was the name of the poetry my 12th grade English class used! Thank you, LaSalleUGirl! I’d been racking my brain until I read your comment. It’s a great introductory text. I was lucky enough not to have any kind of a prune for a teacher, and I enjoyed those poetry classes immensely. The range of that book really is huge, as I remember. I haven’t thought of it in years.
Rats, attica – you beat me to it.
@Poems
My recommendation would be to try some of W H Auden’s poems, which are beautiful & clear.
I’m so excited about this trove of poetry recommendations!
Since you specifically mentioned being literal, I couldn’t help but think of Lydia Davis. She sort of straddles the line between poetry and prose; many of her short stories are only a few sentences long. She’s very, very literal and analytical in her language and logic, and often very insightful. A sample essay is online here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/25/opinion/25davis.html.
One other recommendation: I find poetry “works” better if I read it out loud (or at least imagine hearing it in my head). The meter and soundplay happens naturally that way, and you can appreciate it without worrying too much about whether you’re “getting” it. (
I’m a writer, and I personally dislike explicit symbolism, like “X is a parable that actually means Y.” I’d much rather experience something literally — even if it’s fantastical, I’ll generally assume “this is true in the world of this piece” — and let the meaning settle in organically, rather than trying to make some rubric and figure out whether X could have meant Z. But people’s minds work differently… some people can’t help but see symbols when they read. I don’t think one is better or worse than the other. Just sayin’… don’t beat yourself up or buy into the idea that you don’t “get” poetry because you’re not “smart” enough.)
Can’t wait to check out some of these books and links…
Late to the poetry party:
I recommend our current Poet Laurate, Kay Ryan. Her Flamingo Watching is awesome, and should be back in print, what with her being Poet Laurate and all.
Hey Mom, your tv episode sounds a lot like an ep of Sliders. I distinctly remember that whole begging at the ATM scene.
@gagging,
I also think it’s Ann M. Martin’s 10 Kids, No Pets. I’ve been meaning to reread that one myself, actually. Good book.
I also did a Google Books Search for fiction titles including the terms Peanut Butter Mayonnaise Sandwich, and here are the results, in case it’s one of these others. http://bit.ly/9qZ3gx
@home
One thing to keep in mind, specifically for the Sydney- Boston move, is that the climate is going to be a big shock. I’ve done the move from Australia to the United Kingdom, and the climate/weather difference is the biggest thing to which I’ve had to adjust. I found that whereas in Australia I got enough sun just from walking to and from the bus to work, here in the UK a) there are so many days without any sun, b) even when there is sun, through winter you’re so rugged up that you can barely absorb any of it, and c) it’s so much weaker than the Australian sun.
I don’t have any revolutionary suggestions, beyond being conscious of it. Try to step outside during the warm parts of the day during colder months,and try to exercise outside in the sun when you can, rather than in the gym, because if you’re anything like me (and a number of Aussie expats I’ve spoken to) the sunlight thing is huge. A related thing for South-North moves is that you find yourself indoors a lot more than you’re used to; again, just be conscious of it, and try to plan some outdoors time. I find in the UK that during winter I go from one heated building to another, and it gets a bit claustrophobic unless I consciously take some outdoors time.
Generally, I’d recommend staying in good touch with your Aussie friends, including via facebook, but making sure that you’re not primarily ‘living’ online; the main game has to be your new life in Boston.
Good luck with it!
Hi Poemy McPoemerson,
Two books that might help serve as intro to poetry:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Read-Poem-Fall-Poetry/dp/0156005662/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272414271&sr=8-1 – How to Read a Poem and Fall in Love with Poetry
http://www.amazon.com/How-Read-Literature-Like-Professor/dp/006000942X – How to Read Literature like a Professor
I think the first one is probably the most accessible of the two. I think I kept it out from the library for three months back at university.
Hey Mom– I think your movie is “Price of Life”– apparently it aired in 1987 and IMDB says the plot is about “the hours of your life as a currency you can buy or sell, trade or squander”. A bunch of the other details sound the same, too. :)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366919/
Hi Constance,
Start here, with this lovely little piece:
On Teaching Poetry to Sophomores
“Poetry-
Man, what a bore-
I don’t dig this stuff at all,”
He yawns.
It little dawns
On him that in a moon or more
He’ll meet her at some ball
And Romeo out from behind his mask
(And later ask
The stars if they can see
Her on some balcony).
Sister Marie Anne Zimmerman,
O.S.F.
I’m the one with the “Twilight Zone” question and I am so excited that (after 80 comments and dwindling hope) I might finally have some leads!
@LizBN – I think you may have hit on the winner. I’ve got to take the details to my mom to find out, but the year, the description, and the fact that it is a short film make me think this has to be it. Also, I’m cracking up that it has Dustin Diamond in it…that’s too funny.
@Jen S – I’ll definitely check Sliders out too. I never thought to check out sci-fi series that might have had a weird stand-alone episode.
Thanks, guys. I’ll show that IMDb page to my mom and hope for the best!
@ gag – I can’t help you with where it IS, but I can tell you for sure its in not anything by L’Engle. I can pretty much recite everything she’s written on command, and that’s definitely not there!
Still gagging: perhaps this is from the wrong era, but there is a series of books by Elizabeth Enright, about the Melendy family, and in the first book called “The Saturdays,” the kids form a club to do Saturday outings, and they take a picnic to Central Park and the main item is gloppy, drippy…peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. The books are set during the second World War, so if you were thinking about something more contemporary, I may be way off base–but they’re really wonderful books, still. (I own them.)
The poetry question made me do my own little search: who on earth is Constance Brennan? Google doesn’t tell me anything conclusive.
Cranes, that sounds like The Snow Goose to me, too. I also wonder about Storm Boy, by Colin Thiele, which is about a boy who raised three pelican chicks on a deserted coastline, but from memory I don’t think there was a lighthouse involved.
@Jen–you’re my hero! And my sister’s! Ordered the “18 Greatest” anthology from Abebooks and am planning to give it to my mom for Mother’s Day (after reading it myself).
@attica, et al.: I’ve heard you can sing Amazing Grace to the tune of Gilligan’s Island, or to the tune of The House of the Rising Sun, so I’d guess that those will work with the Emily Dickinson poems as well.
Scrub: Intern here, on my feet all the time, have had one pair of Danskos professionals from mid-med school ’til now, very comfortable to stand in all day, *and* you can wipe them off if you get blood on them.
Also, I just got a pair of MBTs, and so far, so good. It seems like every day, two more people at my hospital get a pair (or the Sketchers version).
Australia: As weird as it sounds, I agree with the part about going on dates. Try okcupid.com (it’s free) and just meet people for coffee or whatever. You’ll wind up with a list of restaurants and the beginnings of a personal geography.
@ Home –
I’ve only moved between cities (both within Australia), but I found moving “home” so much harder than moving “away”.
“Away” was an adventure – and I was aware enough to EXPECT it to be hard. I knew I would have to make new friends, get to know new areas.
But moving “Home” was unexpectly hard. My friends had got used to me not being around. Moving back in with my parents was a shock – I’d been gone and living alone for years, but suddenly they wanted to know what time I’d be home, and how was I getting there, and did I need a lift..? All lovely, caring, questions. And yet, incredibly stifling.
And the “Home” city didn’t feel like home anymore. Bars I liked had closed down. My favourite cafe wasn’t there anymore. And I wasn’t a student with hours of time to waste anymore, and nor were the people I knew.
Long and short – coming “home” is really hard. And no-one there will understand that – they’ll wonder why you’re not pleased to be “home”, be confused about why you’re mourning a place/people/stuff that they don’t understand and don’t know.
I’d only been gone 3 1/2 years when I came home, and it was only 800kms away, and I’d been able to visit several times a year. And I’d say it took nearly a year to start feeling that “home” really was. Best of luck to you – it does get better :)
Louisa, me too! All I can think of is that Constance Brennan is an even more literal-minded sister of Temperance Brennan, on Bones.
Someone please help us!
@Poems – As someone who ostensibly had an undergrad concentration in poetry, I share your impatience with inaccessible poems. Over the past few years I’ve started collecting poems/poets who I tend to be able to make heads or tails of and enjoy. Always eager to find a real-world application for this rather specialized knowledge, here are some of my findings:
Poems:
-Where You Go When She Sleeps – T. R. Hummer
-Summer Without Summering – Teresa Cader (this was recently on Poetry Daily [poems.com] which can be fun to check although their choices trend toward the highfalutin. Occasionally easily intelligible ones do pop up.)
-Faint Music by Robert Hass. I’ve found most of his poetry kinda hard to read but I adore this poem in particular.
-Night by Louise Bogan
-Asking for Directions by Linda Gregg
-In a U-Haul North of Damascus by David Bottoms (the best divorce poem ever?)
Poets:
-“Confessional” poets Sharon Olds, Kim Addonizzio, and and Dorianne Laux were quite popular when I was in undergrad, I think because a) their poems are often somewhat autobiographical and therefore somewhat intelligible, and b) because some of the poems had sex scenes!
-Denise Levertov and Jane Kenyon always struck me as classy ladies whose poems were both accessible and beautiful and deep. (Donald Hall was married to Jane Kenyon and his book of poems, Without, about her death from cancer, is a particularly heartbreaking one. And speaking of heartbreaking death poems, Kenyon’s “Let Evening Come”, written as she was dying, is right up there.)
-Charles Bukowski’s poems are good if you’re in the mood for some curmodgeonly, depressive musings about like, hard drinking and hard living. His poem Bluebird I think is relatively well-known and I like its kind of grudging optimism…shows his softer side.
-I remember having my mind blown by Gregory Corso’s poem Marriage in my AP English class – upon revisiting him, he’s still good for an anti-establishment Beat poet-y mood. The other Beat poet I don’t think I saw mentioned yet was Lawrence Ferlinghetti, who is usually a good time.
-All my professors were nutty over Elizabeth Bishop. And if they had studied with her, it was more like an obsessive cult. I haven’t read that much of her but I do remember having my mind blown (again) when studying formal poetry by her villanelle “One Art”.
-Edna St. Vincent Millay I find a little harder to get into what with the forms and the rhyming and lots of dust and brows and grass and weeping and the like, but definitely check out “Sonnet XLII, What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why”and “Dirge Without Music” (neither are real pick-me-ups, if you can believe it, but still great)
-Ted Kooser is another good, down-to-earth poet laureate. His Winter Morning Walks: One Hundred Postcards to Jim Harrison is a lovely book of short, post-card length poems.
-Come to think of it, googling a list of the poet laureates of the united states is probably a good way to come across good poets to check out who are at the very least well-respected and somewhat popular (well, as popular as a contemporary poet can be said to be.)
-Linda Pastan. Many lovely poems about family and relationships.
-Wendell Berry. Lovely, nature-oriented poems, many about farming and like, the soil, but often with a kicky, damn-the-Man environmentalist bent. Definitely check out “The Peace of Wild Things”, “Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front”, and “Do Not Be Ashamed”.
-Mary Oliver. Many gorgeous poems about nature and spirituality. In particular check out the poem “Wild Geese”.
****
Whew! I really got into writing that. Most of these poems/poets can be found by googling. Hope you enjoy!
@Place – When you find a place you feel like you fit, it’s hard to leave. I know quitting Australia cold turkey isn’t everyone’s favorite suggestion, but I have to say, in the seven looooong years I was away from the place I wanted to be, I found I was the most homesick when I was visiting there. I could watch all kinds of shitty TV and crappy movies just to get a skyline fix or see a place I recognized and be fine, but the plane would start to descend towards the airport or I’d drive across the state line and I’d turn into a blubbering red-faced snotfountain. In public. With no shame of any kind. You may be totally different, of course, but sometimes just leaving it alone is the easiest thing you can do for yourself and your sanity.
It’s okay to feel how you feel about it – all resenty and full or fury and wanting to set everyone on fire because it is NOT FAIR, or weepy and miserable and depressed and grouchy, or whatever. How you feel is how you feel, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it if you have a hard time making the transition. Just don’t let that part consume you. Like, be resentful all you want, but also find some things that you enjoy doing that take you out of the house and put a limit on the time you can spend feeling that way. Spend a Saturday hiding under the covers, but then go volunteer or take a class or go on a hike or whatever, just to distract yourself. I learned sort of the hard way that it is exhausting to spend all of your time resenting the fuck out of your situation and gnashing your teeth about it, and it is kind of psychologically damaging to live like your life is on hold because you’re totally moving away as soon as you can and you don’t want to get attached to anything or tied down because you are just passing through.
Good luck.
@CindyP – So glad to be of help! Enjoy :)
Cait, the white Dansko Professional clogs ARE all-leather and have a back. My husband worked first in film and now is a teacher (both involving long hours on your feet) and cannot live without his Danskos.
Just stopping back in to say that I checked with my mom, and “The Price of Life” is the creepy short film she was remembering!
Mystery solved!
Thanks again!
Now, if we could just find some way to watch it…
I eat my peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches with Miracle Whip and some crispy iceberg lettuce. My mom ate it when she was pregnant with my little sister and I’ve loved it ever since. I actually got my college roommate hooked on them as well (though I could never get anyone else to try it).
To Constance:
May I recommend http://www.writersalmanac.com? It’s Garrison Keillor’s poem of the day and can be emailed to you or just the website is really good. It’s a decent selection of poetry and it also has cool facts about writers in general.