The Vine: April 13, 2011
I've been asked to be a bridesmaid in a close friend's wedding. There are four bridesmaids altogether — the other three are all family members. Bridesmaid dress selection has been difficult — bride-to-be keeps changing her mind on the dress selected, and I suspect it has to do with the opinions of the other bridesmaids. I knew she was stressed about the situation, and I emailed her and explained that ultimately it was her choice, we'd all wear what she wants us to and be happy about it, I'm sure it's going to work out fine, let me know if she wants to meet up and brainstorm, etc.
I received a text yesterday from bride saying she was getting obsessive over the dresses and she'd like me to pick out my own dress by a certain designer/color, and specifically said if a v-neck, no more than a half inch to an inch of cleavage. This was a text sent to me — not a group text.
Now, I wear a 38F bra — I don't have a small chest, and there's nothing I can really do about it. I also don't have a history of wearing inappropriately revealing clothing — if anything I tend to cover up. I'm quite insulted by the text — I feel like she's implying I dress in an inappropriate way. I also feel like telling her she can pick out my dress herself and cover up my chest however she wants, but I'm trying to wait until my initial anger dies down. Bride is also small-chested, so maybe she doesn't realize how difficult it can be to dress with a big chest, especially with bridesmaid dresses.
Am I wrong to find her comment so insulting? Should I mention it to my friend or just suck it up for the sake of her wedding?
Busty and Bitter
This is a close friend of yours, who presumably knows that you don't tend to hooch it up, and while you don't mention any tendency of hers to get judgy about your attire, you do mention that every other bridesmaid is a relative. Why not assume that the bride made the cleavage call at a family function, and informed the other 'maids then, or via some family list, and then texted you separately — that it had something to do with the relatives angle, instead of jumping to the conclusion that Bride singled out you and the girls?
I mean, maybe she did, but…she didn't. Yes, you have a roomy front porch and Bride doesn't "get that," but by that same token, she's not as focused on it as you; I think you're projecting, honestly. You said yourself that she started "obsessing" about the dresses, so at this point, she's probably not operating from any place other than "I can't think about this anymore, so: everybody cover up in church so I don't have to hear about it from the groom's mother, done, next."
I can think of half a dozen explanations for the fact that only you received the text, and none of them involves your chest. Take a deep breath, give Bride some credit, and drop it.
Tags: etiquette friendships