The Vine: April 26, 2013
Got an "Ask the Readers" question for you, although the topic is a bit off the traditional Tomato track. It concerns the intersection of diabetes and sex.
Relevant background: I am a diabetic, and I wear an insulin pump, which looks like this. I've worn it for about three years (have been diabetic for twelve). Next, I will have been married for sixteen years come November, and Husband and I may be on the outs. Sex, or rather the recent lack thereof, is part of the problem.
At first, I thought the absence of nookie was a combination of garden-variety shit like communication problems in the marriage, we're getting older, he's not in the same shape he used to be, etc. Then, he lobs me this: apparently, the button I wear on my skin as part of the insulin pump system turns him off. Like, way, way off. To be clear: I don't wear the insulin pump when we have sex. I can be "unplugged" from the pump for up to three hours, so I take it off when I shower or swim, for example, but the button that the pump plugs into stays on my skin. I change its location every two or three days when I refill the insulin in the pump. The button goes anywhere on my torso, so, below the breasts, above the thighs. It's tiny. It's barely an inch across and slightly thicker than a quarter. Even in close-fitting underwear, you can’t see any distension.
Nonetheless, Husband says that if he's touching my stomach and comes across it, or if he's on top of me and feels it, his gut reaction is "EW." You can imagine how that made me feel.
In the giant swarm of infinite questions surrounding the idea of divorce, I find myself sometimes thinking about if/when I might have sex with somebody else, and I wonder about possible reactions. My first thought was that anybody I wanted to have sex with would know, way before we got naked, that I wear an insulin pump and what that entails; and would be cool and smart and attracted to me enough that it wouldn’t even be an issue. But, see, my husband knows about it, is cool and smart — I wouldn’t have married him otherwise — and has at least been attracted to me, and he still had this very hurtful, very unsexy reaction.
I have no way of knowing how common that reaction is, and although it doesn't bear on the decision of whether or not to divorce, it's bugging the hell out of me. So, I want to ask the Nation:
Would you fuck someone who wears one of these?
Please don't misunderstand me, Sars. I'm not angling for leads on prospective sex partners. I wouldn't in a million years try to use Tomato Nation as a dating service. Frankly, I think I want to work things out with Husband. But I still really want to know people's answers to that question, and the Nation is a really great control group, whose responses I can rely on to be thoughtful and honest and therefore valuable.
The "Pumping" Double Entendre Is Just So Twee That I Can't Even
I can't swear that I wouldn't get the heebs from it figuratively — like, knowing that it's a passageway to inside your body might freak me out — but Dirk has an appendectomy scar that makes his bellybutton look like Munch's "The Scream" and that doesn't bother me at all. I'd still fuck you. (You're…welcome?)
I think the average lady is less visual, though, and is less likely to find changes like that bothersome, so I hope the gents of the Nation weigh in here. And I also hope you and your husband find a way to work it out with this, because his reaction is his reaction, but it shouldn't have taken him years to confront it.
Dear Sars and Nation,
I write with a book question — or perhaps it should be: an illustrated book question. I'm trying to track down a compendium of folk and fairy tales that I remember adoring when I was a child. The title was something along the lines of "Folk and Fairy Tales from Around the World," and I remember it most vividly for its amazing illustrations.
It contained many different stories. I remember the cover being the illustration of the first story, "The Frog [or possibly Toad] Princess" — and the prince holding the pillow upon which she rested was dressed in ornate Kievan/Russian garb. Other vivid story/illustration combos included: the Children of the Wind (Bantu?); the creation of the Sun and Moon (Aztec? Olmec?); a story in which a young woman marries the storm god and has to sew him lots of clothes or something (Inuit?); the Selkie bride story; Peer Gynt; "East of the Sun, West of the Moon" (or however the title goes); and many many others. Peer Gynt's illustrations were dark and gloomy and somehow, bizarrely, globular? I don't know; I just know they gave my elementary-school self the creeps. (There was one particularly bizarre picture in which he's grown a tail.) The creation of the sun and moon story had the waifish goddess who becomes the sun jumping into a fire (I think.) The Selkie story was illustrated by someone who won the Caldecott once — or at least, someone whose art looked very familiar. In fact, I believe that is how I tracked down the collection, once — looking through the children's book section at a bookstore until I found that illustrator, and then Googling extensively.
I would so very much appreciate it if the Nation could bring its power to the search instead, this time. Anybody know the book?
Tags: Ask The Readers popcult sex