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The Vine

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Home » The Vine

The Vine: April 6, 2007

Submitted by on April 6, 2007 – 11:07 AM53 Comments

Dear Sars,

I’m a feminist, and I love your “Yes, You Are” piece. I’ve even printed it out and brought it into classes when there have been debates about feminism and misogyny. But now I’m facing a big obstacle: my fifteen-year-old sister.

She and I have the same parents, and while I started identifying with feminism the moment I figured out what the word means, she somehow…doesn’t.

 

She’s talented, athletic, intelligent and just an awesome kid, but every time we talk she’s so much more worried about the catty girls and the attention of boys than actual real achievement. I’m not going to try and tell her that she shouldn’t worry about the typical high-school stuff at all, because I don’t want to belittle her. But I’d like to find some resources on feminism, particularly for the teenage girl. Web sites are good, and our hometown has a really good library, so books should be fine too. I just don’t want her thinking that teenage guys are more important arbiters of her self than, well, she herself is.

Sincerely,
Big Sister

Dear Sis,

When I look back at what influenced me at that age…I didn’t do a lot of specifically feminist reading or research.   I had feminist parents, and my high school gave us some pretty progressive reading, now that I think about it — we had a required women’s-writing trimester, sophomore year, and everyone else read Macbeth, but we read The Bluest Eye.

And I had Sassy.   I know how culty people get about that mag, but seriously, we had never seen anything like it before.   Seventeen at that time sort of perpetrated the fiction that we didn’t have any secondary sexual characteristics, or dark moods, or interests beyond nail polish that came in clever portable pen form (although it is kind of a pity that that technology wasn’t more evolved).   But Sassy was it, man.

Finding copies on eBay is practically impossible — people don’t let their copies go, for good reason — and your sister might get distracted by some of the more hilarious anachronisms.   But you might get her a copy of Bust (or the Bust book), and a copy of  Bitch.   That’s probably a good start.

And keep talking to her.   If she’s knows that it’s not just her who’s having a hard time becoming who she is, that it’s normal?   That’s the best thing you can do for her, is to give her that understand that she has a core worth and is taken seriously.   That’s what feminism is about, and it’s also what loving people is about, kind of.

Group hug!

Okay, seriously.   Readers: feminist resources.   Books, mags, websites, online articles all welcome, but please confine yourselves to two resources total.   Thanks.

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53 Comments »

  • Mel says:

    I think, given the social dynamics in the average 15-year-old girl’s life, I agree with the people who think overtly feminist resources might not get the best reception. So I’d go with things she likes–fiction in her favorite genres with female protagonists, nonfiction about women doing something she’s interested in, great (non-sexist) music by women. Remind her that women can do cool stuff and be awesome, and in a few more years she might be more receptive to talking about the serious stuff.

  • Annie says:

    I have a sister the same age (luckily, my ranting has converted her to the Dark side, I mean feminism, so I don’t personally have that problem, but she’ll find these very useful when talling to her friends…

    Personally, I recommend this post in Tekanji’s blog:
    http://blog.shrub.com/archives/tekanji/2005-11-22_72
    It summarises all the inequalities women face, and links to sources wherever possible. I have found it a really useful resource in telling people just wy we still need feminism, and I still re-read it occasionally, to remind myself of all the work we still have to do.

    Also, now Feminists have a 101 blog, after years of telling newbies ‘this blog isn’t Feminism 101!’:
    http://finallyfeminism101.blogspot.com/index.html
    It has an FAQ part, and is really useful again for explaining to people what feminism is, and why it’s important.

    I would have said ‘Yes, you are’ ffrom this site is something that everybody should read, because that essay rocks majorly, but you all know that. :)

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