The Vine: August 7, 2000
Okay, here are the facts.1) I’m 16 years old, and I am naturally introverted. I’m not shy and I’m not a misanthrope, I’m just very quiet and introspective. I detest big loud parties and such. At any rate, even if it did occur to me to go to a big loud party, I couldn’t because…
2) My parents are extremely strict. They refuse to let me even speak to anyone of the opposite sex. When I come home from school or from work, the first thing out of my mother’s mouth is “You didn’t talk to any boys, did you?” I lie, of course, and tell her I didn’t.
3) I have met a wonderful, intelligent, and sensitive guy at work. We hit it off from day one and he recently has been calling me and asking me to go to parties with him. I have politely declined. The last time, after he asked me, I said, “I’m not really one for parties; I get all introverted. But maybe some other time we could do something.” He said that he understood, because he used to be the same way. He sounded disappointed, but there was really nothing I could do.
So what do I do? Do you think he felt rejected by my refusal to go to parties with him? Should I pursue this relationship, even though I know it could get me into big huge trouble? I’ve been fighting off the urge to call him for a long time (I haven’t actually seen him in a long while, because he quit his job, so he’s just been calling me). Is there a way around this? Or should I cut my losses and throw away his number?
Juliet in Texas
Dear Juliet,
I don’t think you should give up just yet. I don’t know your parents’ reasons for keeping you away from boys so vigilantly, but you should talk to them about revising their rabid anti-boy policy. Point out to them as gently as possible that you don’t appreciate their lack of trust in you, and that eventually you’ll go out on your own and won’t have to listen to them anymore anyway, so they might as well loosen the collar. Ask if you can do a few things with boys; offer to let them supervise at first, if they’d prefer.
If your parents don’t go for that – and they don’t seem terribly reasonable, based on what you’ve said, so they probably won’t – you’ll have to decide how to handle the situation, but whether you keep following their ridiculous rules or start sneaking out, I don’t think you should chuck the guy’s number. Keep calling him and letting him call you, and explain to him that you have very strict parents who won’t hear sense, but you’d be all over the chance to hang out with him if your mom would let you.
I wouldn’t normally advise blatantly disobeying your parents, but seriously, unless your religion forbids contact with the opposite sex, I think it’s time for you to familiarize yourself with the wide, wide world behind your parents’ backs.
Tags: boys (and girls) the fam
