The Vine: February 20, 2013
If your new boyfriend tells you he's taking an acne medication but you suspect for various reasons that it's an antidepressant, but you don't push it because you've only known each other a few weeks and you actually feel like it's classy of him to create this polite fiction for both of you, and six months later he's maintained the acne-medication party line while being scrupulously open and honest about everything else to the point where you begin to believe him, then one day he leaves the bottle lying around and you find that it is in fact an antidepressant, is there a gentle and reassuring way to say, "Hey, it's cool, I know and I don't care, you don't need to lie anymore," or should you just go along with the non-truth because he seems to still need it, or should you assume that his carelessness with the evidence was the confession, or should you be concerned that you'll undermine your own "I don't care" message if you admit to picking up the bottle and turning it around and carefully typing the long word on it into Wikipedia? Hypothetically.
Just Nosy Not Judgmental
First, way to get pretty nearly your entire letter into a single sentence. I do believe this is a Vine first.
Second, I would assume that his leaving the bottle around is, if not "the confession," then an indication that he unconsciously trusts you to know and not care.
And that's what he wants, obviously, but at first he said something different, and the more time that goes by, the more awkward it is to reveal that it's actually an antidepressant, and the more it seems like a Big Secret instead of a little-ish thing he fibbed about because he don't know at that point how much he wanted to share of himself and his problems.
I wouldn't admit to Googling the medication; I wouldn't say anything at all, since you, you know, don't care. But if a few more months go by and he still hasn't said anything, maybe it's time to bring it up. If it's a medication or a dosage that indicates a more serious problem, it's definitely time to bring it up — if it's a medication more often associated with treatment of seizure disorder, for instance. Then it's a safety issue, and six months in, that's the kind of thing you need to know.
But I'd give it a few months more and leave the door open for him to tell you. If he does, you can decide if you want to admit to looking it up; if he doesn't, it's probably time to rip the Band-Aid off yourself.
Tags: boys (and girls) etiquette