I’m 16 years old, and will be a senior next year. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and have never had anyone, to my knowledge, be attracted to me at all. I know that I’m extremely plain according to the fascist beauty standards of today-I have acne and a big nose, I’m short (5’5″) and weigh more than most of the walking skeletons at my school at 130. I’m not being self-deprecating about it – I love myself just the way I am, corny as that may seem. I wear no makeup, but never. I’m also a nerd, a science wonk and bookworm, which doesn’t exactly score me points with the guys (“Damn! Did you see that chick over there resolve that vector? I think I’m in love!”). To top it all off, I’m opinionated as all get-out–an unapologetic Marxist and environmentalist. Most teenage guys like their girls scrawny, blonde, and vapid, and normally, that suits me just fine. Screw them.

My problem is that I’ve fallen head over heels for a guy I met at work. Call him Beau. Beau is rather like me, a scientific type with a thing for social activism. He graduated high school a year early and will begin college in the fall (Computer Science and Art), so he’s my age but a grade higher. Until recently, it had never crossed my mind that Beau, a teenage guy, might actually be attracted to me of all people, an argumentative and bookish plain Jane. After all, no teenage guy ever has been. But lately he’s been asking me a lot about my hobbies and my opinions. He smiles at me a lot, and has a tendency to suddenly appear wherever I am. And in the back of my mind I find myself wondering, could it be?

So, what do you think? Do guys ever actually see past the appearance and become romantically interested in girls that aren’t at their level of attractiveness? Or am I reading too much into it? Maybe he’s like this with everyone. I don’t want to set myself up for a fall.

Plain Jane

I think guys do see past externals. A lot of them don’t…but a lot of them do. Beau likes you That Way – and from what you’ve told me, it sounds like he does – and it’s because you like yourself and you speak your mind.

I think you should take the risk – but it doesn’t sound like there’s much risk there. And if it winds up not working out, I don’t think you should attribute it to your appearance. You sound a lot like me at your age, and trust me, boys that appreciate you for you do exist – but you can’t necessarily tell them at first glance, so you’ll have to give them each a chance to show you what they’ve got.

[7/24/00]

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