Fabulous Sarah,

Here’s the deal: I’m 18, and my sister’s 15. The problem: she has no personality that I’m aware of! She rarely talks to me, except when she needs the phone. She treats my parents like shite because they disapprove of her boyfriend, who bears a striking resemblance to Jar Jar Binks (ug-lee!) and has the amazing ability to make her cry every night with a minimum of words. She’s an attractive girl, and I have no idea why she dates this loser and will have nothing to do with us. I try to talk to her to no avail. Do you have any tips for letting her know that I actually care? I’ve tried talking and I even wrote her a little note. No progress, though.

In MT with an “M T headed” sister,
Strawberryacid

Fifteen is a tough age, as I imagine you can remember. Your sister has a lot of stuff to deal with until she gets through adolescence, and if memory serves, any suggestion that she’s made bad choices or that you don’t approve of the way she lives her life will cause her to cling all the more dearly to those behaviors. You could try gently mentioning to her that she might give your parents a break, or that she might think about re-examining her relationship with Jar Jar, but prepare for her to lash out at you or retreat into sullenness.

Audiences don’t get tougher than a fifteen-year-old, but happily, she’s not going to stay fifteen forever. You should keep talking to her, trying to keep the lines of communication open, letting her know that you’re available to listen and hang out if she needs you. You’ll have to do this thanklessly for a while, but she’ll come around eventually. You’re doing the right thing by her. Stick with it.

[7/28/00]

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