The Vine: March 30, 2011
My partner and I are planning to get married next year. But the fact is, we both hate wearing jewelry, and neither of us wants to wear a ring for the rest of our lives. We're not worried about what other people will say about our choice — we're grownups, we can deal with that — but we're wondering what we should do symbolically during the ceremony.
Rings are so central to the popular idea of marriage that it's hard to imagine one without them. When I think about the practices of other cultures, it seems that just about all of them have adopted the exchange of rings.
So we are asking for ideas. Have any of your readers seen a non-ring wedding? How did it go? We also welcome original ideas. (This will be a completely secular wedding, by the way.)
Loves the man, hates the jewelry
PS I did go to a Wiccan hand-fasting once, which was a lovely ceremony with wonderful people, but the rope-binding did rather bring bondage to mind.
HIGH FIVES! YEAHHHHHH!
Hee. Okay, first of all, congratulations! Second of all, if you have enough booze and good food at the reception, most people won't even remember what you do about rings, so if what you decided to do is nothing, and you skip them entirely, trust your own judgment and don't worry too much about it.
With that said, it sounds to me like, although you don't care to wear rings in your everyday lives, you don't have any specific objection to doing something with the ritual during the ceremony — and it is a nice ritual, significant and official, and people like to ooh and cry and take pictures during it. So, if you just don't want the rings afterwards, maybe try to find a ring in the style of the wish bracelets with the tiny charms on them; after a few days or a week, the twine of the bracelet erodes and falls off, and that's when your wish goes out into the world. Or something?
You can see an example here; a lot of the ones you might find by Googling can get preeeeetty Smurfy with the copy and the bitty little hearts and whatnot, but you can skip the charm part, or customize it whichever way so that you have little items to put on each other's fingers but you don't have to keep it forever. You could make your own with embroidery floss. (Hell, I'll send it to you.)
Or go with the high-five idea. Make the whole congregation do it. Why not? If you're psyched about it, the guests will get psyched about it.
Tags: boys (and girls) etiquette