The Vine: May 3, 2007
I just got out of my first legitimate relationship (I'm a measly 22-year-old) and I feel like I'm ready to move on to something better. But I don't know where to meet the right guys. I live in New York and I'm gay, so this shouldn't be too hard, right?
College was a great meeting ground, but unfortunately that's over now. Bars and clubs don't work that well for me. I'm fine with my body and I think I look great, but when I go to most gay alcoholic establishments in New York, I don't see anyone who looks like me. The closest I've been to a gym in three years is when I wedge myself into the doorframe of an NYSC so I can light my cigarette without the wind hampering my attempt.
Parties are great, but most of the parties that I go to don't have many gay folk there, if any. And since I'm looking for someone within my age group, most LGBT centers and organization functions aren't a great solution since they're populated by people who tend to be either 5 years too young or 20 years too old. I've tried online personals, but they haven't worked out too well for me in the past. Craigslist would be great if I was looking for a prostitute, but I'm not. I'm just looking for a date that might lead to more than a one-night encounter. Do you have any suggestions on finding the right gay guy in New York?
The Only Living Gay Boy in New York
Nice S&G reference.
I've actually come across suitable boys — or suitable-seeming boys — all over the place since moving to the city back when God was in short pants. Looking at the list of New-York-vintage boyfriends, I see one I picked up at a bar, one I ran into on the street, one I met through friends, one I met at a party, a couple of co-workers/guys I met through work, one friend set-up, dudes from college that I ran into in the city — it's a wide range of sources.
I suppose it's different for gay men, although I don't know how different, really, if what you want is a long-term relationship and not just a pick-up, but then, developing an initial attraction into a solid, long-lasting bond isn't easy no matter where you found the guy. And I didn't marry any of the guys on that list, but that doesn't mean it wasn't worthwhile, or that I shouldn't take a guy's number at a party just because the last time I did it, the guy and I broke up.
I'll leave the comments open here in case the readership has any specific "target-rich area" suggestions that I don't know about, but it's like I've said a hundred times — he's out there. He's on his way. I can't tell you when he's going to show up or where or what he'll look like, but he'll get here. In the meantime, live your life. Do what you like to do; do it without an eye to meeting The One. Stop expecting him, because that's when he always turns up.
Tags: Ask The Readers boys (and girls) NYC