Comments on: The Vine: October 14, 2009

By: Jacq

Jacq — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:11:41 +0000

"You know, the thing with them is that they charge a HUUUUGE overhead and really inflate the costs of the items in the projects to cover it. I'd much rather donate to places that don't do that."

Good luck to her in finding one. Non-profit organizations have a run rate â€” all of them. So please do ask her to tell us the names of these "places" that don't pay rent or utilities, run entirely on volunteer time, and get free postage and office supplies, because then truly we will be in the presence of a miracle.

Sorry to bag on your aunt, butâ€¦really.

—-

I really couldn't agree more! As a trustee of a charity myself (and as somebody who gives money away to charities), I know exactly how frustrating this issue is – everybody wants to fund the projects only, and not the electricity bill, the stationery, the postage costs, or even the salaries of the staff.

In my experience, charities which are run professionally by people paid a living wage are FAR more effective than any dog-and-pony outfits that might operate on a shoestring, but don't necessarily get much done.

By: Grace

Grace — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:12:07 +0000

I miss a week and up pops a question I have something to say on. Better late than never, I guess. @Cape, as a two decades veteran of the panic wars, I can empathize with you. Sarah nailed it – hie thee to your physician and pursue both chemical and talk therapy. I just have one little thing to add, more because you sound like you're also asking "Why is this happening?" I don't know when your letter was written, or if you went directly from the West Coast to the East, but it's possible that a reduction in sunlight is playing a part in this. If you went from summertime working with a sunny window to shorter days with only indirect sunshine, not to mention commuting from a dark apartment to a shadowed street to a subway, it could have triggered a little wonky-ness in your brain chemistry. (Deep down, the brain thinks dark = danger, even after we grow up.) Vitamin D and Folic Acid may help soften the effect until you can find a true solution. Good luck!

By: Moonloon

Moonloon — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 12:22:31 +0000

@Cape, because of dramatic necessity, the assaults in TV shows, movies and books are almost always successful and highly gruesome, and you might do well to avoid exposing yourself to that kind of propaganda.

Phobias are irrational by definition, but you can avoid reinforcing the message that victimisation is inevitable.

One other book recommendation would be "Her Wits About Her: Self-Defense Success Stories by Women" (Denise Caignon, Gail Grove) – it does exactly what the title promises, ie shows that we're by no means helpless victims who are doomed the minute we cross the radar of a bad guy.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:20:19 +0000

$10-I'm a tax accountant & own a business w/my father. I lost a number of relationships b/c I exhibited the same behavior as your bf, although I am a female, so it's not just a male thing. I didn't start relationships I would have maybe liked to, due to work responsibilities. My dad treated my mom the same as your bf treats you. He entered the hospital on April 16 w/a resting heart rate of 164, had a stroke a week later & almost died. We are in the process of selling the business, I've gotten a new job & FREE TIME! It's a wonderful invention…wish I had heard of it sooner. Anyway, the last 8 years got me a nice bank account and nothing else-pretty much missed my 30s, and almost lost my father. Talk to your bf about the health issue…it's not worth it.

By: Michael

Michael — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:58:07 +0000

@Sars,
We probably are approaching the same solution from different angles. I was less concerned about the crime statistics as a potential trigger than the aforementioned Law & Order: SVU (and then you go and plug SVU in one of your next posts, hee!)

By: Sarah D. Bunting

Sarah D. Bunting — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:31:15 +0000

"You know, the thing with them is that they charge a HUUUUGE overhead and really inflate the costs of the items in the projects to cover it. I'd much rather donate to places that don't do that."

Good luck to her in finding one. Non-profit organizations have a run rate — all of them. So please do ask her to tell us the names of these "places" that don't pay rent or utilities, run entirely on volunteer time, and get free postage and office supplies, because then truly we will be in the presence of a miracle.

Sorry to bag on your aunt, but…really.

By: amy

amy — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 15:08:29 +0000

My aunt recently made a similar sort of comment about Donors Choose; I'd been enthusing about it and she interrupted to snit "You know, the thing with them is that they charge a HUUUUGE overhead and really inflate the costs of the items in the projects to cover it. I'd much rather donate to places that don't do that."

And that made me think…maybe they do upcharge a bit to cover operating expenses and what not…nothing happens for free, right? But when is the last time you EVER got a personalized thank you from anyone who benefited from the donation you made to any of those ginormous charities? I'll keep my money going to Donors Choose, thankyouverymuch, where I *know* it's going straight to people who need it and who appreciate it.

By: Allison

Allison — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:40:47 +0000

Ha ha. Hoops for Donors Choose? I seriously doubt it. In my job I both ask for grants, and run a grants program. If someone is giving you money, there are necessarily going to be some hoops, since the funder is going to need to know if you actually used the money for what you said you were going to use it for. I've spent basically the past 2 1/2 years, submitting, revising, and resubmitting the same funding request to the National Science Foundation, and finally, FINALLY, they're willing to accept us to the next step. Granted, we're talking about $1M, not $1K, but if you want to talk about hoops…particularly if we actually get the $1M. Sheesh.

Funders like Donors Choose are trying to achieve a particular mission, and in this case they are choosing to fund existing programs instead of creating their own. They can't know if they're achieving their mission if the money just disappears in to a black hole.

As an aside, teachers who can't spell make me completely insane. At the very least, please, please, use spell check before you teach my kid either a) how to spell something incorrectly, or b) that spelling doesn't really matter. Because it does. I have totally pulled grant proposals from the running because something was spelled wrong or was poorly written. And I'm not as nice as Donors Choose to let them edit it and send it back.

By: angharad

angharad — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 04:06:41 +0000

@happy: Donors Choose isn't alone in requiring something of the people they want to help. Non-profits have stringent standards to weed out those who aren't really in need or won't take the program seriously. It also helps raise the image of both the non-profit and those in the program in the community. There's a certain sub-section of society that has an issue with people seemingly getting something for nothing. When a person has to actively earn the help they're seeking, it tends to quiet the critics.

@cape: I don't know if this will help, but when I've dealt with anxiety in the past I found that going through things in a "safe" way helped me do it later. Walking to a certain neighborhood with a friend before doing it on my own, using the subway in broad daylight before using it after dark, etc. It also helped to think about how many safety nets I really had: the cell phone in my pocket, the cop on the corner, the 24-hour stores where I made a point of getting to know the cashiers, things like that. I hope you find something to help you.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:55:34 +0000

@Stef, GeorgiaS, and LDA–thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to quote former DC Mayor, convicted felon, and current DC City Council member Marion Barry: "If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate." Thank you, Mayor Barry

@Cape–I wish you the best of luck. It sounds to me that you moved to New York because you wanted to enjoy the experience of living there. Whichever advice you choose to follow, just keep in mind your goal, which is to experience all the best that NYC has to offer. Do what you need to do to make that happen.