That said, the tone I got from Rosenfeld's original response was less mean-spirited vindictiveness, and more that she had just shot off a quick, not-well-thought-out answer that unfortunately revealed some underlying prejudices.

I had a close friend–who had two young children and was pregnant with a third–reprimand me for not calling her at 4 a.m. I was also pregnant and discovered that morning sickness + stomach bug = hours of uncontrollable vomiting. I finally decided to drive myself to the hospital (1/2 mile away) while my husband stayed home with our sleeping one-year-old because I didn't want her hanging out in the ER with a bunch of sick people. We live 2,000 miles away from family, and I didn't want to bother my friends with kids, so I just went. I got some drugs to stop the vomiting and drove home (against the doctor's orders) around 4 a.m. When I talked to said friend the next day, she got on my case for not calling her, because that's what friends are for, even if they have kids.

I also had another friend with a kid help me in a pinch. I had an IUD appointment go awry, and I had to be carted off to the ER along with my six-week-old baby. My husband was at home with our toddler, and I had the only car and both car seats for the kids. This friend drove 20 minutes to the doctor's office to pick up the toddler's car seat, drove 30 minutes to my house to get my husband and daughter, drove 30 minutes back to the doctor's office so he could get the car, then followed him across the street to the ER I was at and then took our toddler to her house for the rest of the day until I was cleared to go home. Yeah, it wasn't the middle of the night, but it was an all-day thing, and she didn't hesitate to help–because that's what friends do, and I'd have done the same for her.

In fact, the moms' group I used to be in had a whole network of volunteers in place in case one of the members needed help with pregnancy problems, family emergency, etc. It was in Phoenix, which is a very transient place, and many of us didn't have any family in the state. These women, who all had very young children, were volunteering to be an emergency contact for some future event for some person that they may or may not have known well. It actually makes me a little sad for Rosenfeld that she thinks "friends" aren't obligated to help out if it's inconvenient.

"The one part that confuses me is didn't Drugged say that her friends told her to go back to the club and they would call an ambulance — but that she called them after she woke up in the ER? She wasn't defending or further explaining that in her follow up letter so it obviously made sense to her in some way."

According to her letter, she came to in the ER, called her mother and her erstwhile companions (NOT friends!), and finally got a begrudging ride home. She later pieced together events of the evening, and learned that she had called the companions while disoriented in the street, and that they had arranged for an ambulance. So, when she called them from the ER she was apparently unaware that she had already called them earlier.

It does surprise me that she didn't mention, in her original letter, the reason the companions got pissy and left her there. However, I assume that either she didn't have that information at the time she wrote the original letter (she says it fell into place "later" but I'm unclear as to how much later, or later in relation to what), OR that she was trying to keep it as neutral as possible and didn't want to sound like she was trying to "influence the judges," as it were, by painting the companions as the hateful, emotionally-stunted rejects they seem to be.

I *hope* it was that she didn't know about it at the time, because it pains me to think she might have known that was their "reason" but still felt conflicted as to whether their behavior was acceptable.

For most people I consider friends, I would be there in a heartbeat. However, there are a few people with whom I am friendly – not friends. I would never leave a bar or club without making sure they were accounted for and fully functional, but on the other hand I would probably not answer a 4 A.M. phone call from them either. This is in part because we've had the same "rescue-me" scenarios over and over and over, and in part because I know for a fact they have multiple other 4 A.M. resources – I'm usually the first one on the list, because I work from home, so they reason that I "don't have to get up for work in the morning."

However, I have to say honest to God, I think if I answered a 4 A.M. phone call from A WRONG NUMBER that someone was disoriented and weeping in the street or terrified and alone in the ER, I would go. *Extremely* cautiously just in case, but… once you answer that call, as far as I am concerned, you're In It. If you aren't willing to be In It, then you don't answer.

But even though those are both very understandable things to think, neither of them answers the complaint, "You gave this woman bad/insensitive advice." If somebody's saying, "You're stupid week in and week out and I wish you'd never been born," then it's kind of logical to ask them why they read your work knowing they will hate it. But if it's a substantive disagreement, you can't really argue it can be solved by "don't read it." And provoking a good response without compromising the content is, frankly, the writer's problem to solve. It's really challenging and I think many writers sympathize, but if people think you missed the mark editorially, they're not going to care that you feel what are ultimately commercial pressures.

Sars, you ARE pretty excellent, and we're glad you get to do the Vine on your own terms. They're good terms, considerate of your readers and letter-writers. Thanks.

Also, I don't agree that one's "life situation" should move you further down the call list. Unless my "situation" is that I have two broken legs and can't get out of bed, my friends better damn well call me if they need help at 4 am. I'm married with kids, but that doesn't change how I feel about my friends, and I have a husband who is an adult and perfectly capable of taking care of his children while I help a friend in need. If one of my married-with-kids friends needs help, then I'd hope that her husband would call me to stay with their kids while he went to the ER at 4 am, because I know they'd do the same for me.

Rosenfeld's idea that girlfriends are only useful until you have a boyfriend or spouse is insulting and antiquated.

one morning, i was walking to the bus to get to work, tripped over the curb around some construction, managed to twist my ankle when i fell, causing blood to rush out of my head and me to faint, right there by the construction. i managed to grab a fence rail, keeping me from falling and knocking my head, but still causing a long jagged cut on my neck. i came to with very nice cinstruction guys and passersby checking up on me.

through a stroke of luck, i was actually right in front of a good friend/ex-roommate's building. they called up to her, and luckily she was still there. she called in late to work, stayed with me outside until the paramedics got there and checked me out, and then walked me back home and tucked me into bed. i'd do the same for her. friends do those things.

I am a total wallflower who doesn't flirt and is shy in bars and at parties with people I don't know well. On this occasion, after blacking out, I apparently flirted hardcore with the ex-boyfriend of a casual friend (in front of her). I had never met this guy before and didn't know he was her ex. I don't know what happened after that, as apparently I went home in a taxi (I have no idea if someone put me in it or I did it myself). I woke up in my own bed the next morning (thank god), although with a gash on one finger that looked like I slammed it in a car door, and various bruises on my legs.

I also woke up to a pissy message from the above-mentioned casual friend, who well knows my non-flirty, wallflower nature, for being a slut towards her ex-boyfriend. Which was how I found out that it had happened to begin with. All I know of the night is what she told me, as I was too embarrassed about blacking out to ask people what had happened, or how I'd gotten home. This particular girl refused to have anything to do with me again, despite my explanation, and the unusualness of this behavior.

I apparently didn't occur to her, or anyone else at the time, that anything was out-of-the ordinary about this behavior for me. No one called or texted to check up on me that night or the next day, aside from that pissy email. None of my close girlfriends were at the bar that night (the ones I would trust to take care of me), and I had no sign that any assault had happened, thankfully. But it taught me that we can't assume that other people will watch out for us.

(And I learned that from now on, if I'm not in my own home, one beer is the limit.)