Hi Sars,

I received a giant painting for a wedding present and it’s not my style. Besides a subject matter that doesn’t interest me (jazz musicians), the background is hot red-and-yellow tie-dye. The picture is enormous and would be a centerpiece in any room I hang it in. The framing job is crappy and you can see the unfinished edges of the canvas poking around all the sides. It’s terrible.

But the painting is from close friends of ours who live nearby and visit weekly. I know they wanted to get us a thoughtful present, and I’m pleased with the gesture, but I can’t have that hanging in my home. I am dreading saying, “It’s not my style.” Can you suggest a phrasing that will help them understand that I am happy they wanted to get me something other than a candlestick, but that painting will never grace my walls?

Thanks,

I Think Registries Are Tacky

Dear That Belief Has Consequences,

One of the functions of the registry is to cut all those people who would like you to decorate in their taste, or who think they know what you like but really don’t, off at the pass — and while a registry is no guarantee that you won’t still receive rando sets of margarita glasses and dreamcatchers and whatnot, if you just let people guess what to get you?This is what happens.

There isn’t really a way, or a way that’s not awkward and/or rude, for you to say, “I appreciate the thought, but the execution is unworkable.”It’s a gift; you sort of have to take it in the spirit in which it’s intended.But by the same token, the giver of the gift has to give it, mean well, and move on, pretty much, because you can’t force people to like stuff.

Thank your friends for the unique thought; you can do that without lying, because they did get you something original, at least.Then put the painting in the back of the closet and hope they don’t put you on the spot by asking about it…but you can’t really be like, “Thanks for thinking of us, but: think harder next time.”

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