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Home » Culture and Criticism

Six degrees of detonation

Submitted by on November 24, 2008 – 12:11 PM38 Comments

Sarah: “Check it out, you know that girl that I yelled out about at the movie this afternoon?”

Skyrockets: “The girl you…right.   …Wait, no.”

Sarah: “During the credits, when I yelled out ‘MARIA DIZZIA!’ You know…her?”

Skyrockets: “And then you wanted to watch the movie again because you didn’t see her in the actual movie?”

Sarah: “Yeah, her.”

Skyrockets: “Because you went to high school with her, right.”

Sarah: “Yeah!   So, check this out, I was watching Fringe while tweaking the furniture arrangement –“

Skyrockets: “Aw, you tweaked it?   I liked it!”

Sarah: “I just reversed those two lamps.”

Skyrockets: “The Ikea one?”

Sarah: “No, the one with the table skirt and the green one, can I finish telling my story?”

Skyrockets: “So that lamp isn’t behind the bookcase now?”

Sarah: “Honey.”

Skyrockets: “It was so cozy behind the –“

Sarah: “Stop it right now.”

Skyrockets: “Okay.”

Sarah: “The point is not the tweaking part, the point is the watching-Fringe part.”

Skyrockets: “That’s the one with Pacey?”

Sarah: “Yeah, the one with Pacey.   So I’m watching an epi–“

Skyrockets: “Is that show any good?”

Sarah: “Yes, honey, it is a good show.   It is almost as good as this story which I am trying in vain to tell you right now.   Can I please tell you the story about Maria Dizzia.”

Skyrockets: “Sorry, fine!”

Sarah: “Fine, so!   I have some Fringe episodes stacked up on my DVR, so I’m watching one from last month — you know the one where the girl’s head blows up in the diner?”

Skyrockets: “…”

Sarah: “Right, you don’t watch the show.   So there’s an episode where a girl’s head blows up in a diner, and who does the head just happen to randomly belong to, on the same day I happened to see Rachel Getting Married?”

Skyrockets: “Bill Irwin?”

Sarah: “…HONAAAYYYYY.”

Skyrockets: “What?   I don’t watch the show!”

Sarah: “MARIA DIZZIA.   MARIA DIZZIA’S HEAD.   IT BLEW UP.”

Skyrockets: “Why?”

Sarah: “Because I hate you, IT DOESN’T MATTER!   The point is that someone I used to know was in a movie I saw yesterday and THEN on a show I watch, and it’s really random because the movie came out ages ago and that episode is a month old, but I coincidentally saw them both on the same day.   So it was a Maria Dizzia, uh, fest, thing!   Is the point.”

Skyrockets: “Oh.   Okay.”

Sarah: “That was a good story.   I can tell it again if you want.”

Skyrockets: “I liked the frustrated sighing in this version.”

Sarah: “I was in a play with someone whose head blew up on TV, Skyrockets.   It’s neat.   Minor, but neat.”

Skyrockets: “What play?”

Sarah: “Oh my god ‘what play.’   Why is that you focus –“

Skyrockets: “Was it the one where you played a nun?”

Sarah: “We’re talking about something else now.”

…This short play is brought to you by my extremely brief theatrical career; a spasm of apartment rearranging; Pacey Witter; and my irrational excitement over garden-variety coincidences as personified by Maria Dizzia, who certainly has no memory of me, as I played the senile nun with the purple shoes, not the bitter nun who had to stage-slap her during a climactic scene but accidentally for-realsies cold-decked her during one performance as a result of nerves.   Poor Lucy, she came offstage horrified at herself, eyes filling with tears, no idea what possessed her, and meanwhile Maria Dizzia is all, “Whatever, the audience bought it,” totally a pro about it with, like, a Lucy handprint on her face, and Lucy’s like, “Well yeah they bought it, I actually hit you in your face.”   And then of course everyone, including our drama teacher, had to tease Lucy about it for the rest of the year.

“Okay, Lucy, I’d like you to move downstage on that line.   Without slapping anyone.”

“I’m going to the caf, anyone want a coffee?”   “Actually, you know what would really wake me up?”   “Shut up.”   “A niiiiiiice hard –”   “Shut up!”   “Sllllllap!”   “Shut!   UP!”

Anyway: I always liked M. Diz, thought she had a lot of talent.   I kind of wish they hadn’t blown up her head so I could have seen more of her in the episode.

Also, in Skyrockets’s defense, it is usually I who captains the S.S. Tangent in these sorts of conversations (viz. the argument we had later in the same conversation, which I lost, over how old Brad Pitt is, a detail that had nothing to do with the original direction of the discussion and everything to do with me turning into Mrs. Correctypants) (Pitt is 45 next month) (yes, I realize no one cares).

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38 Comments »

  • Krissa says:

    That could have been a conversation between me and my roommate, ver batim. Well, except sub “babe” for the “honey”s – ongoing joke.

  • Melanie says:

    “Mrs. Correctypants”: Hee! I am so Ms. Correctypants. I think it has something to do with being an only child that I’m always right. Particularly about factoids with no importance to the world at large.

    Loved the play; good mix of humor and pathos, fantastic character development, solid ending. Four and a half stars.

  • attica says:

    1. It’s like a total H!ITG, but even worse when it’s somebody you know. I had major dissonance watching an old Miami Vice ep to see a guy I dated in college.

    2. I totally slapped the crap out of a fellow actor in college drama. To be fair, he totally slapped me first, but the script gave me the last slap. Which I exploited mercilessly. And it was kind of awesome to hear the audience gasp at our outbreak of violence. And no, our friendship didn’t recover. Heh.

  • Annie B says:

    Didn’t you have a name for coincidences like that? Pop-culture-something-something? Like when you don’t think about something in years and then it’s twice in the same day or so. It’s really old I think and it might have been called something else entirely.

    I get them fairly often. One morning last week, I was reading something about American designers and I thought “I should check out the clothes made by that local Montreal designer, what’s-his-name? Oh yeah, Jean Airoldi.” I NEVER think about Jean Airoldi. And then, like 20 minutes later, a co-worker told me about this thing she went to with random local celebrities. I asked who was there and she said “so-and-so and… oh yeah, Jean Airoldi”. That was really weird. Anyway, I realize this is not really interesting, it’s just that your story reminded me of mine and I felt like oversharing.

  • Margaret in CO says:

    “Skyrockets: “Bill Irwin?””
    Awww, I love me some Bill Irwin.

    Oh, and I understand this “I-sorta-knew-her” obsessionism…my sister potty-trained Jamie Gertz. I will watch anything with Jamie Gertz in it so that I can tell people “My sister potty-trained Jamie Gertz!”

    Maybe Maria Dizzia’s head exploded because she couldn’t remember the name of that girl who played the senile nun in purple shoes, you know, she has that wildly popular online advice column…(hee)

  • Molly says:

    Well, I thought it was a really cool story, anyway! It’s always kind of weird to see people you know on the big screen. Or small, depending.

    I went to high school with Paris Hilton’s little sister for a few years. I still can’t quite get over seeing her mentioned on page six.

    Maria Dizzia has a most excellent name.

  • Molly says:

    Oh, and Margaret in CO? That’s the most hilariously random story EVER. I love it.

  • Erin says:

    I think the word you’re looking for is diegogarcity!

  • Sandman says:

    You know, I kind of want to move next door to Mrs. Correctypants now. These conversations make me laugh so hard. And I love how Mr. Pitt gets a tag on this entry, even though he’s, what? Tangent on a tangent? A meta-tangent?

    Having watched the Fringe episode in question, I can say Ms. Dizzia’s head exploded in exemplary fashion – the effect was highly gruesome, but the lead up by the actress was what sold it. Nice going as Head ‘Splodey Girl, Ms. Dizzia. Also, maybe I’d enjoy the show more if I moved more furniture while it was on.

    @Margaret in CO: Hee. “You know, the one with the advice column, the popular culture stuff? Helped raise a whackload of money, sometimes dresses as a tom – ” BLAM!

  • Margaret in CO says:

    @Molly: I’m just chock-full of random stories. Glad you liked it! :-) And Maria Dizzia IS an excellent name! Also? My little sister’s name is Molly! Can you dish on the Little Hilton?

  • Julie says:

    All through Rachel Getting Married, I kept pointing to the dad and asking my friend, “Where have I seen that guy before?” (Friend: “I don’t know, and stop asking.”) I checked his name during the credits (Friend: “Bill Irwin? Isn’t that the crocodile guy?”) and looked him up online. I texted my friend triumphantly: “Bill Irwin is Mr. Noodle on Elmo’s World!” (Friend: “You realize that since I don’t have kids, that means nothing to me.”)

    Still, I was impressed with myself for recognizing him at all, since Mr. Noodle wears a wig and mustache and doesn’t speak.

  • Lily says:

    That’s funny about Rachel Getting Married, because my friend and I saw it recently and had about THREE moments of recognizing people we knew in that movie. The blonde maid of honor went to college with us, the young guy who spoke at the NA meeting was in a play I worked on, and one of the wedding guests was a teacher at our school. Oh, and Anna Deveare Smith spoke at our graduation, but we knew that going in.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    “You know, I kind of want to move next door to Mrs. Correctypants now.”

    You really don’t. Next door to Mrs. Correctypants is We Start Riiiiiiight On The Dot Of 7 AM As Allowed By Law Constructionhaus, and someone is doing something with some sort of saw right across from my desk right now that, because it is not a consistently loud noise but startling bursts of grinding that alternate at no predictable interval with pounding and high-pitched whines, is UNBELIEVABLY AGGRAVATING even if I weren’t trying to concentrate. WHICH I AM.

  • Caitlin says:

    It’s oddly exciting, seeing someone you know on film. I spotted one of my professors on a TCM documentary fairly recently, and got all dorkily excited. Keep in mind that I’ve only taken one of her classes, it was a year ago, and she probably wouldn’t have a clue who I am now. I can sort of justify my “HAY THAT’S MY PROFESSOR! ON TV! MY PROFESSOR!” -ness by the fact that her class did end up being pretty influential on me, but really, I would have geeked out regardless.

    It also really amused me that “Rachel Getting Married” was mentioned here, because a movie blog I read just did a post about it over the weekend. You mentioned that it’s not a new movie, but this is the first I’ve heard of it and suddenly it’s everywhere.

  • Cara says:

    This reminds me of a conversation I had a few weeks ago with a few friends about a former classmate of ours who has a moderately successful acting career.

    “Apparently, she was in a Korean monster movie”

    “Really? She also died in a horrible manner on an episode of Supernatural.”

  • Liz in Minneapolis says:

    One of my fellow theater majors was one of Murphy Brown’s secretaries, has now appeared on Star Trek (both Voyager and Enterprise,) NCIS, and Buffy, is now occasionally on General Hospital, and was featured as the Scott Peterson to Janel Moloney’s Amber Frey on the 2005 TV movie – the only reason I watched that thing. We hung out a bit, and I think he’d remember me because I also made a big splash playing a nun – Sr. Mary Ignatius. Also, once he left his distinctive trumpet case in a classroom and I selflessly told him about it. Why I didn’t just pick it up and take it to him, I still don’t know.

  • Jen S says:

    I was all excited about Roger Corman being in “Rachel” (any MSTies out there will know what I’m on about) but didn’t spot him because I, along with every other woman in the audience who got married last year, was continually smacking my forehead and muttering “SARIS! I shoulda done SARIS!” Oh, well.

    But yay, now I get to tell my celeb story! Back when I was young, dumb and majoring in theater, one of my acting classes had a special guest speaker–Richard Hatch! (The original Apollo.) It was a pretty small class and he was talking to us in our little black box theater, telling stories about what it’s like to swing from massive global fame to anonymity, etc. I kept thinking he was catching my eye, than reasoning “Nah, why would he, he’s just being all charismatic and actor-y”.

    But after the class he stuck around and we all naturally crowded around to ask more questions and get some Magical Actor Dust sprinkled over us, and he definitely looked me right in the eye, and smiled, said he’d noticed me in the audience–AND KISSED ME!!!

    THIS IS A TRUE STORY. Hand to God, it really happened! In front of all my snotty peers who hated me! I’ve told this story to my poor long suffering husband many times–well, every time we watch Galactica (“He kissed me, you know! Did I tell–” “YES. I KNOW. YOU TOLD ME.”) So it’s great to have another forum to boast of my momentary ability to attract Richard Hatch. I plan to have it carved on my tombstone as well, but might as well get in some more bragging while I can!

  • Jeanne says:

    @ Lily: You didn’t by any chance graduate from Skidmore in ’04 did you? I remember Anna Deveare Smith from commencement, I had no idea who she was beforehand but I’ve been following her career ever since.

    My uncle is friends with a guy who grew up with Elizabeth Banks’ dad. She’s from my hometown but is older than me and went to a different school, so I don’t know her myself. That’s the best I got.

  • Michelene says:

    Coincidence? I think not! Jung called these seemingly random and unlikely coincidences “synchronicity.”

    Check out the somewhat-famous-Emile-Deschamps-plum-pudding example at Wikipedia:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronicity

    My favourite weird, personal meta-example? Explaining synchronicity to my curious sister in an email message one morning — then, as I sat waiting in my bank later the same day, perusing the conversation-starter cards they had sitting on their coffee table, only to come across one that said: “Do you believe in coincidence or synchronicity?”

  • May says:

    A friend of mine was in a Vagisil commercial that ran quite often. Every single time I saw the commercial, I called to my roommate, “Hey, that’s my friend!” Or, if I were by myself, I’d say to the television, “Hi, [my friend]!” It was goofy-dorky fun. I hope she’s doing well, at the very least, symptom-free.

  • NeoCleo says:

    I took the “nun” and other modifiers out of your sequence and came up somehow with the term “bitter shoes”–which I believe I’ve owned at least one pair.

    Your conversation was so deja vu.

  • That’s like the pride I felt when I saw something in my college paper about the annoying kid in all of my middle school classes who was starring in something or other in NYC (possibly written and/or directed by him – I dunno…college was a long time ago now). I didn’t even _like_ the kid, but I was still proud of him (and surprised that he’d gone into theater after having been in all the advanced math/science classes wth me).

    Anyway, even as “that kid” in the class, he was still part of me, and I was glad for him that he’d found success!

  • Lily says:

    @ Jeanne: Nope, Barnard ’07. Hardly anyone else at the ceremony knew who she was before that, but my fellow theater majors and I were all dorking out, so excited, as she is a huge inspiration for many playwrights and actors.

    (Seems like there are a lot of theater majors coming out of the woodwork in these comments. Badass.)

  • SP says:

    I went to college with, and knew very slightly, Patton Oswalt. He’s kind of actually famous now (at least to people with my taste in movies and comedy), so I’ve gotten over seeing him in stuff, but I used to squeak excitedly all the time when I’d randomly see him on screen in bit parts and Comedy Central promos. I’m still very proud to see how well he’s doing, which…I know, “proud” makes no sense, but still. Woo, William & Mary grad!

  • Fiona says:

    Hey, I went to Cornell with Maria Dizzia! We were in the theater department together. She was a big enough talent to land principal roles in mainstage shows in her freshman year.

  • vickie says:

    my new husband and I would tumble into bed exhausted from our blended family of six children to watch a certain t.v. show at 11:00pm every night. being newlyweds, we’d cuddle naked under the glow of late night t.v..

    every night, midway during the t.v. show, an insurance commercial featuring my ex-husband would come on.

    that was weird.

  • avis says:

    An older friend of mine has a niece who is an actress and I have had to record shows for him that she is in so he can watch them later. So far I have seen her die in X-files, Poseidon (movie), and Medium and end up shoved unconscious in a trunk in Charmed. I almost feel like a stalker because I have recorded everything she’s ever been in on TV, including commercials.

  • MaryAnne says:

    In college we produced and aired a weekly SNL-style comedy sketch show … a few years later our “host” turned up in a couple of episodes of the last season of Roseanne, playing two different characters (a flight attendant and a caterer).

    In a not-so-good HITG, a guy who was in the first-ever Cosmopolitan “All About Men,” ended up pitching on our local minor league independent baseball team, then showed up in the Jeremy Piven series Cupid and in Sex & The City, but more recently was on trial for killing his girlfriend’s cat. :(

  • KTB says:

    One of the girls I went to high school with (all four years–we were the same class) has done a number of commercials and was on “Joan of Arcadia” as one of the zillion God-incarnations. Recently she was on a Taco Bell commercial, which led me to tell my fiance that “I went to high school with her.” Evidently, that wasn’t the first time I had done that, as now every single time he sees a Taco Bell commercial, he informs me “You went to high school with her.” Argh.

  • golexis says:

    Woah! During the opening credits of Rachel Getting Married, I recognized the name Anisa George and I was like that name sounds familiar…

    I went to middle school and maybe high school with her!

    I had no idea she was an actress.

    Luckily the film was good enough that I wasn’t distracted by her presence the whole time.

  • slythwolf says:

    Okay but seriously, what play, because if there is a play with nuns slapping people in the face I want to see it.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    It’s called “Catholic School Girls,” if I’m not mistaken. Sounds porny; not so much.

  • La BellaDonna says:

    I would love to be neighbors with Mrs. Correctypants, because the jackhole who bought the building I was then living in started his construction/rehabbing at 4:45 in the morning. Yeah, that was happy. I didn’t report him to anyone I could remotely think of because I was scrambling to find a new place to live on Very Short Notice (thanks, jackhole!). In retrospect, I wish I had, because someone who worked for him walked off with a few thousand dollars’ worth of change I had been saving, and had planned to USE for that move. So: not too happy with the Building Industry, currently.

    There was one season where I saw someone I’d worked with as a Minor Villain on about half the TV dramas; I wonder where Barry is now? It was pretty funny after a while. I think he got pretty good at getting pistol-whipped, but I don’t know how that works for long-term employment!

  • Kida says:

    At least the girl you knew had a shred of talent. I, on the other hand, must live with the fact that I attended high school with a member of O-Town.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    That is HILARIOUS. Which member?

  • angelle says:

    Hee! See, when I wrote to you asking about your writing, this was the kind of stuff I was missing. This and kitty stories, of course. I think the first thing I ever read that you wrote was something about a tater tot. It was hilarious and I was hooked.

  • Maura says:

    Sars, your conversation with Skyrockets is like most conversations I have with my mother-in-law. “I was walking down the street the other day when I ran into an old friend…” “Which street?” “State Street. Anyway…” “What time was it?” “Around noon.” “Were you on your way to lunch?”
    Yeah, not as funny, but way more annoying.

    My celebrity stories are just degrees of separation. A woman who plays one of the gazillion judges on “Law & Order” graduated from high school with my brother. “It’s Audra”, as I point at the screen. I’m impressed, because not just anyone gets one of those slots. :)

    Here’s my favorite, though. My former boyfriend did dinner theater for about a year in Boston with Michael Chiklis. He said Chiklis stunk up the joint, and thathe was an ass. When Chiklis started getting a name for himself, former BF was beside himself. “Anyone but him”, he cried. Ha! Chiklis has accolades for his talent, and an Emmy to back them up. (Love Chiklis or hate him, he does have the Emmy.) Poor former BF is doing….something. Definitely not anything that will result in an Emmy. Every time I see Chiklis, I think “anyone but him”.

    Oooh, also, former BF’s best friend had the crap beat out of him by Hawk on several episodes of Spenser for Hire.

  • Heather says:

    Yeah! Now I have an excuse to tell my “I kind of know a famous person” story. I was a cocktail waitress at the same restaurant as Jon Hamm. And then he was in a play with my roommate at the time, and he came over to our apartment for a cast party my roommate threw. I had invited a couple of my old high school friends over for the party as well, and my one friend recognized Jon Hamm as a former friend of his from a different high school they both attended. He (my friend) spent all night catching up with him (Jon), and later on told me he wanted to set me up with Jon, that he thought we’d make a good couple. Even then, pre-fame, I was like, “Dude…he’s out of my league.” Anyhoo’s, my high school friend ended up moving to LA, as did Jon Hamm obviously, and they kept in touch. When Jon started getting a few TV shows, my friend said, “Good for him. He used to be so broke he let the city of LA keep his car because he couldn’t afford the back traffic tickets.”

    So, yeah, I totally squee whenever I see or hear mention of Jon Hamm. And nobody ever seems duly impressed by this story.

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