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Home » Culture and Criticism

The N Candy AA: Get ready for Mars Madness

Submitted by on March 18, 2010 – 1:25 PM70 Comments

Empty calories! Barely-civil debate! Violations of sampler etiquette! Numerous puns about nut clusters, each more immature than the last!

That’s right, other people who care way too much about ranking snacks: The N Candy AA, Part 1: Hee Hee, You Said “Mounds” is coming soon. Keckler is back, and she’s “making” me eat all the banana candy (hee hee, “banana candy”) so put your dentists on speed-dial and let’s do this thing.

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70 Comments »

  • Keckler says:

    And all the black licorice candy, because: BARF

  • DriverB says:

    yessssssssssssssssss I can’t wait!

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Meanwhile, we will be fighting over the Meltaways, because we are ancient.

  • Annie says:

    Once again, I am unreasonably excited about this. Bring on the brackets!

  • Annie says:

    Man, I hope I know a few of them. I bet many are not sold in Quebec/Canada…

    Down with black licorice! Victory to… hum… daim candies from Ikea? I love those.

  • Clairezilla says:

    Yess! So excited! This is way better than basketball – you can eat this!

  • Clairezilla says:

    Also: looking forward to my own inner 80-year-old’s favorite: Necco Wafers.

  • Nichole says:

    That’s NC-double-Awesome! I look forward to the madness.

  • Tracy says:

    Hey, I found that “Good & Plenty”s were the best car candy when travelling with my brother and sister. They both HATE black licorice so I didn’t have to share!

  • ferretrick says:

    Orange slices are included right? Because I can eat a whole bag of that sugar coated crack in one sitting.

  • Keckler says:

    Considering Bunting’s write-up, this might be the dirtiest bracket yet. I mean, have you ever really *looked* at a Circus Peanut?

  • Margaret in CO says:

    SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I can’t wait to see this!

  • Debi says:

    Next up after the N Candy AA and the N Cookie AA: The N Diabetes Treatment AA!!

  • Erin S says:

    I hope to see Werther’s Original, Sour Patch Watermelon, and Gushers seeded in this one. That’s right, I love grandpa candy AND little-kid candy.

  • cayenne says:

    Ewww, black licorice & necco wafers, punishment foods from the third circle of hell.

    SweeTarts, Shockers (aka Shock Tarts), Pixy Stix, Lik-M-Aid or Nerds – I love the tart & sour stuff. And any chocolate bar with peanut butter. And cherry Jolly Ranchers.

    Yes, I am four. Can’t wait to play – bring on the bracket!

  • Georgia says:

    Skor bars. Never get the love and recognition they deserve.

  • Rebecca says:

    Go Reeses Peanut Butter Cups! Or Red Vines! Down with Twizzlers!

  • Sandman says:

    Kate, you might have to share the black licorice with me! Not the Dutch salted variety, because that’s too weird for me. Ooh, except for schoolkrijter (sp.?) – I love those! Black licorice with a vanilla-minty candy shell, made to look like pieces of blackboard chalk (thus the name, I guess.) Also: Anise balls? Heheh. Oh, kids, this is gonna be SO BAD.

    “Next up after the N Candy AA and the N Cookie AA: The N Diabetes Treatment AA!!”

    @ Debi: scarily true.

  • Renee says:

    Jezebel is doing March Madness its own self. Cake vs. Pie: http://bit.ly/94idAs. Hmmm.

  • Bo says:

    Old recipe vs new? Because Heath Bars used to rock, but they’ve changed the chocolate outside and now they are it. And it is craptacular. Enough to make one weep.

  • Erin says:

    oh, hells yeah. This is going to be AWESOME. Spice gumdrops! Bridge Mix! Neccos! Mary Janes & Bit-O’Honey!

  • attica says:

    You know, I used to not think much of Necco wafers, but then I learned that they were part of Union soldiers rations in the Civil War, which makes me kind of love them in a history-geek-with-a-sweet-tooth way. I also learned the purple ones are clove flavored, which, now I know it, makes them taste better. The ‘I-don’t-recognize-this-but-it’s-so-not-grape’ confusion put to rest, I can enjoy them!

  • @Keckler — word on both black licorice and anything banana-flavored. BARF.

    You know what I love? Wine gums. I can’t get them in the US, but they would totally win my personal candy bracket.

  • I love Sour Patch Kids possibly more than is legally allowed. Also, Lindt’s Intense Orange chocolate bars. Not together, of course.

    @ PetiteChablis – It’s a long shot, but depending on where you are, wine gums may actually be available in the “Ethnic Food” section of your local grocery store. I’ve seen them at Meijer’s (basically the Midwestern version of Walmart) here in Ohio.

  • Patricia says:

    I’m off sweets for Lent. *pout* This bracket will not be helpful in my own personal sacrifice campaign. Or possibly helpful because I will have to use all self-control? Either way, tortuous. But I will vote with vehemence because I am a candy lover from way back. Hence with the giving up of sweets. Sigh.

  • Katharine says:

    I will be over here alone with my super-salted black licorice, then, and my poor defeated bowl of traditional oatmeal from the cereal bracket, too.

    Is there going to be a special Easter category? I am also Cadbury Cream Eggs’ bitch.

  • Jaybird says:

    AWWWW, YEAAAAHHHH. Georgia is on it, y’all. Skor bars and Jelly Bellies, Dove milk chocolate, and Starburst. Of course, after the N Candy AA, my grandmother will be able to outdistance me in a closet, but: Deliciousness.

  • Cyntada says:

    Wooooooooooo!!!! Bottle Caps!!!

    (Why, yes, I *do* ingest pure dyed sugar on purpose, and I *am* still seven years old inside, thanks!!)

    Let the games begin!

  • anotherkate says:

    @cayenne – cherry JR are the only ones worth eating. I remember once finding bags of only cherry ones at a truck stop and feeling like I’d entered nirvana.
    We need to include Haribo gummy candies, Nerds Ropes, and Ritter chocolates.
    And for my favorite old person candy – Peanut Chews!
    As for anything anise or banana flavored, I have to agree with Keckler on the vomit factor. In fact, I think all candies on the NCandyAA should have a VF rating.

  • Fiona's Mum says:

    Banana flavored = barf. Black licorice = YUM!!!

  • ysabet says:

    @Fiona’s Mum – I am with you 1000%.

    @Tracy – Imagine having to fight with a family member for licorice. My dad used to raid my Easter basket for the black jelly beans! I still give him crap for it.

  • K. says:

    @Katharine: “I am also Cadbury Cream Eggs’ bitch.”
    Word. Have you noticed that they’ve gotten smaller over the years? I’m also a big fan of Peeps, which I find are very divisive – people either love them or loathe them.

    I have been trimming down for the past three weeks trying to get cute for bathing suit and wedding season (six pounds lost so far). My diet has been balanced, but I can see myself swapping healthy meals for gummy bears after seeing some of these brackets. (Gummy bears are my go-to movie treat. Junior Mints come second.) I have a sweet tooth I work hard to keep in check; this is gonna take some willpower for real.

    Also, banana-flavored things are vile. Bananas the fruit? Awesome. Artificial banana flavoring? Bleargh.

  • meltina says:

    All the black licorice hatred is making me want to have some australian black licorice. Oh so good.

    I even like salted licorice. My husband blames it on my european origins.

  • tulip says:

    @ferrettrick I think Sars is loving on the fruit slices so oranges would be IN! Or Sars am I thinking of Tara? Aren’t one of you all insane for the fruit slice candy?? Please feel free to tell me I’ve lost my mind.

    Also? licorice is one of my faves and @Sandman you need to hook me UP with some of that: schoolkrijter (sp.?) It sounds AWESOME!

  • Jaybird says:

    Y’all can have all my Cadbury Creme Eggs. That phlegmy stuff just…brrrr. Same for Circus Peanuts, which are the candy the Devil made. On a dare.

    Snickers and Reese’s Cups, OTOH, make angels weep with sheer delight. Well, the angels at my house, anyway.

  • JeniMull says:

    WAY too excited about this.

  • LizBN says:

    Reese Sticks!! What did I do before them??

  • Emma says:

    Wilburbuds vs Heshey’s Kisses, anyone?

  • LP says:

    Okay, who remembers that issue of Sassy where all the staff writers did a massive taste test of every junk food they could get their hands on, and rated them with categories like :”Texture,” “Color,” “Fond childhood associations,” etc. I remember Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were a big winner with across-the-board high scores, and every time I eat Starburst I still think, “pleasantly waxy.”

  • Kymster says:

    Cup O’ Gold, if it can be found. Or Dove chocolates. Nothing with peanuts for this girl – just found out I have a peanut allergy. And those little pink, yellow, and green non-pareil coated mints. I can go through a whole bag at once.

  • Jan says:

    ABBA ZABBA

  • La BellaDonna says:

    Chocolate covered cherries!!

    Also? Can someone telll me WHY, at Easter time, it is not possible to find chocolate-covered Peeps?

    This sprang to life fully-blown in my brain one day. It may not be a goddess, but I thought it was pretty good.

    Of course, if chocolate-covered Peeps ARE available, it just confirms my suspicion that I really need to get out more …

  • Natalie says:

    N Candy AA and Fug Madness at the same time? I feel so spoiled. =) YAAYYY!

  • robin says:

    Peeps! Peeps! Peeps! Now available in all wonderful colors, not just the original yellow. Even comes in a cocoa-dusted chocolate flavor.
    And for those of you who don’t like licorice or banana-flavored candy, you can send them to me. I never met a candy I didn’t like, even the dirt-flavored Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans.
    Also, some related reading: Candyfreak: A Journey Through America’s Chocolate Underbelly, by Steve Almond. It’s thrilling reading for anyone with a sweet tooth.

  • Hellcat13 says:

    Oh, LP!!! I totally remember that issue. I can’t believe I dumped my old Sassys in a fit of OCD cleaning in university. Worst decision EVER.

    Hot Lips, people. HOT LIPS. Do you have those in the US?

  • Deirdre says:

    Did I black out and totally miss the cookie tournament? I only remember the preliminary polls.

    I think I’m too old for this one. Cadbury’s chocolate is about as low on the candy rung as I’m willing to go these days, except when I’m craving chocolate-covered almonds or (very rarely) Twizzlers. Won’t stop me from voting the Nostalgia Ticket, though.

  • Tisha_ says:

    Reeses Cups and Maplenuts, for the win! It should be a tie between those two, for sure!

  • cayenne says:

    @anotherkate – Cherry rocks, but JR used to have pink lemonade flavoured sticks that were amazing. They’ve been gone for probably 15 years, and I still think it’s a travesty.

    @jaybird – Circus peanuts are congealed blerf. Molded little pieces of vile.

    @kymster – My sympathies on the peanut allergies. I’m allergic to hard-shelled tree nuts, so no chocolate-covered macadamias, no pecan logs, etc.

    @La BellaDonna – OMG, chocolate-covered cherries. Especially the Harry & David ones with the red cherry coating.

    @robin – I second the reco on Candyfreak, that was a fun read.

    For the everyday candy obsessive, there’s this: http://candyaddict.com/blog/

  • MM says:

    Oh, this has me craving old favorites I haven’t though about in years … penny candy store stuff like those wax bottles filled with liquid sugar, candy necklaces, those dots on strips of paper, root beer barrels …

    and, randomly, POP ROCKS!

  • Hate Jeans says:

    I just now got the “N Candy AA” aduh!

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