"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

"Calgon — take me a gay!"
December 10, 2008 · 24 Comments
"Calgon — take me a gay!"

"Shhh, Daddy's stories are on."
To all my friends and readers who called in gay today, Lee and I salute you. Don't forget to take a nice hot bubble bath with your favorite boy or girl …

The Vine: December 10, 2008
December 10, 2008 · 57 Comments

O mighty Sars, wise in the ways of weirdo cats;
My boyfriend is fostering, and thinking about adopting, a 9-year-old female cat, Ava.Ava was at first grumpy and grouchy, but after about 6 weeks seems to …

Heaven's Gate
December 8, 2008 · 24 Comments
<I>Heaven's Gate</I>

how old you'll be when the movie's finally over
I couldn't finish it; I couldn't get through even an hour.The movie is manifestly, immediately, deeply and groundlessly in love with itself; like almost everyone else with …

Support Local Biz: December 7, 2008
December 7, 2008 · 2 Comments
Support Local Biz: December 7, 2008

First up, Ruth and Esther's Egg Nog Revue, presented by Friend Of TN Mark Blankenship: "Everybody's favorite southern belles return to Ars Nova to spread some BullsGap, Tennessee holiday cheer. Scandalous single gal Ruth (Marya …

The Vine: December 5, 2008
December 5, 2008 · 66 Comments

Hey Sars,
So not a question I expect you can help with, but I'm hoping the peanut gallery can be of assistance.I've been searching everywhere to find a new bra, and I'm stumped.Right now I'm wearing …

"I want to do my best"
December 3, 2008 · 14 Comments
"I want to do my best"

Don't we all, Ms. Yoshida. Don't we all.
Eri Yoshida, a knuckleball pitcher, will play for the Kobe 9 Cruise in a new independent league starting in April 2009. The team selected her last month along …

The Vine: December 3, 2008
December 3, 2008 · 21 Comments

Apologies for the brevity/tardiness of today's Vine; lots going on behind the scenes here at TN HQ today.Stay tuned…
Hi Sars,
This is probably more an etiquette question than anything else.When, if ever, should you tell your …

Support Local Biz: November 29, 2008
November 29, 2008 · 90 Comments
Support Local Biz: November 29, 2008

I worked with John Grady a few years ago when he played Captain Patterson in the FGM. You can catch him in the upcoming Ian McShane project Kings, and in a short called Doga that …

The Vine: Turkember 26, 2008
November 26, 2008 · 138 Comments
The Vine: Turkember 26, 2008

Hey Sarah,
Here's a doozy for you.
I am the unofficial lead secretary in a smallish office — unofficial because I'm on the same level as the other secretaries, it's just that I'm the only one who …

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas…tree
November 24, 2008 · 42 Comments

Can anyone recommend an inexpensive artificial Christmas tree? (…"Winter-holiday arboreal cluster," whatever you like.) The faker and more space-age '50s Christmas-looking, the better, and if you can attest to its relative pet-safety (i.e. if a …