"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: June 8, 2004
June 8, 2004 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
I have a big ol' 20-pound maine coon named Frank. He's 6 and a half and
loves to rule the household. He has lived with a cat before, but it never
especially agreed with him.
I'm pretty …

Girls' Bike Club
June 7, 2004 · No Comment

Sarah: Do you happen to know if there's a planet in retrograde?
Wing Chun: Why, because Reagan died?
Sarah: You know, I hadn't even thought of that. I could totally count that. My hair, Hobey's teeth, J.Lo …

The Vine: June 4, 2004
June 4, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I have longed to be lambasted by you but my common sense works pretty well so I haven't had anything to ask you. Until now, and even now my common sense says I have …

The Vine: June 3, 2004
June 3, 2004 · No Comment

Hi Sars –
I have a problem and I need advice. Okay, let's start
from the beginning. There was a Boy who worked with
me…and we hooked up. Months went by and we were
discreet, no one knew. No …

The Vine: June 2, 2004
June 2, 2004 · No Comment

To The Grammar Goddess,
Someone in my office insists that everyone use the word "finished" when a
task is complete. Every time one of us says, "We're done," she says, "Meat is
done. You are finished." We're all …

The Vine: June 1, 2004
June 1, 2004 · No Comment

Hi Sars!
A couple of months ago I was browsing in a used
bookstore and bought a massive, unabridged, library-style dictionary.I cannot tell you how many hours I
have spent looking up words and being a big dictionary
dork …

The Vine: May 28, 2004
May 28, 2004 · No Comment

Dear AB Chao,
I have a shoe question that's been troubling me for some time now.
I've been invited to be a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer, for which we
have to wear rather horrible "banana"-yellow tea-length …

The Vine: May 27, 2004
May 27, 2004 · No Comment

AB Chao, Expert of All Things Bang-Related,
I always find myself wanting new hairstyles before vacations. In a few weeks, I'm hopping over the Pacific to go to Hawaii (for a wedding! on the beach! with …

The Vine: May 26, 2004
May 26, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Sars and AB Chao,
I am hoping you can shed some light on the mystery of making mojitos
at home. We are having a large party and desperately want to serve them.
But…all that muddling. Is there …

The Vine: May 25, 2004
May 25, 2004 · No Comment

Dear AB,
I've been told that rinsing my hair with cold water will make it shiny.
It sounds like BS, but it does seem to work. So, does it really work
or have I fallen prey to some …