"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: February 16, 2005
February 16, 2005 · No Comment

Oh wise and wonderful Sars,
Here's my problem:
I work as a paralegal at a large law firm. About ten months ago, "Mandi"
was hired as a receptionist. Since Mandi's about my age and very outgoing,
we started having …

The Vine: February 15, 2005
February 15, 2005 · No Comment

Sweet Sars:
I recently had a hot and heavy relationship with a guy, J. I have teenaged children, and have never dated since I divorced their father four years ago. J and I fell quickly in …

The Sound And The Fury
February 14, 2005 · One Comment

Welcome to AFS 435: Advanced Foley Studio. AFS 435 is an independent-study unit for sound-design students looking to build their ambient-noise portfolios. You will receive one grade for the semester, based on your ability to …

The Vine: February 11, 2005
February 11, 2005 · No Comment

Oh, Sars, I've been a long time reader of The Vine, but now I have a problem to share:
I'm just starting classes and I have a math teacher that is blind. Which is normally a …

The Vine: February 10, 2005
February 10, 2005 · No Comment

Hi Sars!
Yours is the funniest advice column I've ever read, and the only one with
advice I would really consider taking.
So, here goes my problem, or rather something that I've had on my heart for
some time.
I …

The Vine: February 9, 2005
February 9, 2005 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
Truly, you have blessed my life with snark. I ask that you do the same with your all-encompassing wisdom.
This is a pretty weird question. All of a sudden my entire world is just utterly …

The Vine: February 8, 2005
February 8, 2005 · One Comment

Hi Sars,
I have an ethical dilemma, and I'd really like an opinion from someone who doesn't know me.
I recently got a very wonderful, fantastic internship, that is fun, relatively prestigious, and is giving me a …

Perfect Together
February 7, 2005 · 2 Comments

If I could ban a two-word phrase from the English language, any two-word phrase, I would pick one in particular immediately and without hesitation. No, not "Bush administration," because experience has sadly proven that ignoring …

The Vine: February 4, 2005
February 4, 2005 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
I have an embarrassing quandary for you that I have mentioned to no one else.
I'm afraid my boyfriend is gay.
Back story: Tom and I met four and a half years ago, when I was …

The Vine: February 3, 2005
February 3, 2005 · No Comment

Hey Sars,
My friend C and I were friends for about four years. We lived in the same town
for a year or so and instantly bonded. We had the same taste in music,
clothes, we were both …