"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: May 24, 2005
May 24, 2005 · No Comment

This story is about seventeen and a third days long, but I shall condense it.
Teenager. First boyfriend. First sex. STD pops up. I'm horrified and feel like, basically, a dirty filthy whore (and I know …

Empire State
May 23, 2005 · No Comment

The following essay is riddled with both Sith spoilers and process discussion, so if you want to avoid either, bail out now.
So, Revenge of the Sith. Where to begin, really.
The early eighties is as good …

The Vine: May 20, 2005
May 20, 2005 · No Comment

Hello, Sars:
First of all, thank you for making my days brighter with Tomato Nation.
Regarding the proper way to serve yourself and eat a portion of Brie: My mother always told me that it is …

The Vine: May 19, 2005
May 19, 2005 · No Comment

Hi Sars — so I find myself with the most ridiculous issue, and I'm
hoping you or your readers have been in the same place and will be
able to help me out.
The problem is …

The Vine: May 18, 2005
May 18, 2005 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
My problem isn't so much
mine as that of a friend — I've run out of ideas on how to deal with
this alone and I decided that based on your level-headed advice, and
abilities as …

The Vine: May 17, 2005
May 17, 2005 · No Comment

The construct "I don't know from" is a Yiddishism.Here's more from The Jewish Language Resource Website:
"Yiddish and English
Yiddish has had a quite noticeable influence on American English over the last century. The English of Yiddish-speaking …

The Bad And The Ugly
May 16, 2005 · One Comment

Gee, thanks, Yankees. I had a whole rant planned about how much you guys have sucked the bag so far this season, and the reasons why, but can I bust out all that fulminating and …

The Vine: May 13, 2005
May 13, 2005 · No Comment

Hey Sars,
I've been living in the United States just on three years now (am a New Zealander, go All Blacks!) and apart from my accent, I haven't had many communication problems. Except just recently …

The Vine: May 12, 2005
May 12, 2005 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I've read and enjoyed The Vine for years, but as a
many-times-published novelist I have to disagree strongly with your
advice to the aspiring writer in Thursday's column.
For one thing, what he needs most is not …

The Vine: May 11, 2005
May 11, 2005 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
Maybe you could help me with a twist on the all-too-common age difference question.
I go to a great church; I don't know what denomination it is exactly — let's just say it's evangelical. Anyway, …