Baseball

"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Subheroes Chapter 5: The Kid Enters The Picture
July 26, 2004 · One Comment

The first thing she notices about the bar is that it smells funny. It doesn't smell bad — but that's what's funny about it. There isn't that fug of slopped beer and secondhand cologne. Everything …

The Vine: July 22, 2004
July 22, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Sars:
I need help with a feline issue.
Our cat, Tabby, has been a wonderful addition to our lives. We adopted her two years ago as a middle-aged stray from the SPCA. She is very loving …

The Vine: July 21, 2004
July 21, 2004 · No Comment

Hey Sars,
Love your site…actually stumbled across it while Googling something about raisins. My friend hates those things as much as you do.
Hopefully I can help out your budding designer. Your advice was right on…"get it …

The Vine: July 20, 2004
July 20, 2004 · No Comment

Hey Sars — first off, hats off to you and your insightful, amusing web site.
Now that the gratuitous boot-licking is over, on to my dilemma…
A relative of mine is looking to have a coffee table …

The Subheroes Chapter 4: The Plan Falls Apart
July 19, 2004 · No Comment

Diz hands the hen back to me and holds his hand out to —
Okay, can I — I'm sorry, I need to just stop you here for a second.
Shelley freezes, hen under her arm lineman-style, …

The Vine: July 16, 2004
July 16, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Deborah (and Sars),
I'm a 17-year-old Muslim girl, and I wear the veil.
I've never had a problem with it; I've never felt oppressed because I wear it, and I've never felt forced to wear it. …

The Vine: July 15, 2004
July 15, 2004 · No Comment

Deborah —
Thank goodness you're in the expert column right now.
I have a problem I never thought I'd have. I am part of a very small book group. I worked in bookstores for years before getting …

The Vine: July 14, 2004
July 14, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Deborah,
Ever since reading your article, "Ten Things Everyone Should Know About Islam" at hissyfit.com several years ago, I have had in mind to learn more about this religion and its practitioners. At this point, …

The Vine: July 13, 2004
July 13, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Deborah,
A few years ago, we inherited two couches. There's an antique love seat that my mom let her bulldog use as a dog bed, until the dog got too fat to make the three …

The Go-Carb Diet
July 12, 2004 · 4 Comments

Okay, the no-carb thing has got to go. Seriously. The weight-loss culture in its toxic and dangerous entirety has got to go, actually, but I'll get to that in a second; first, I've got to …