"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: July 7, 2004
July 7, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
Why are Jesus and Moses the only two exceptions to the apostrophe-S rule? Does God just love them more than everybody else?
Dear Lauren,
Garner states that this exception is made for all Biblical and classical …

The Vine: July 6, 2004
July 6, 2004 · No Comment

Strictly speaking, this isn't my problem, but I'm a little more involved than I'd like to be, and I'd just like to have your refreshingly bullshit-free take on what my responsibilities are here. It's quite …

The Subheroes Chapter 3: Henhouse of Buggin'
July 5, 2004 · No Comment

Diz frowns. "Do you think we need The Nose?"
"I think we might need The Nose, and I think better safe than sorry."
"Sure, but if we don't end up using her and she has to" — …

The Vine: July 2, 2004
July 2, 2004 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
Your advice to Missed Courtship 101 was spot-on as usual, but I just wanted to add that he should relax — a lot of girls dig that kind of bumbling and clueless, yet cute …

The Vine: July 1, 2004
July 1, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
Next semester, I will officially be certified to teach high school English in a Large Southern State with one star on the flag. The Large Southern State legislature recently passed a law requiring all …

Girls' Bike Club III: The GBC Strikes Back
June 30, 2004 · No Comment

Sarah: Hello.
Wing Chun: Oh, hello.
Sarah: So. What's up?
Wing Chun: Oh, you know. You?
Sarah: Nothing. Not a thing.
Wing Chun: Meeeee neither.
Sarah: …
Wing Chun: …
Sarah: [cough]
Wing Chun: Anyway.
Sarah: Okay, so, the thing is, and I hesitate to …

The Vine: June 24, 2004
June 24, 2004 · No Comment

Hi! I love your website, and your advice, so I'm hoping you can help me with something. It's not a huge problem, but it's one of those little niggling things that you can't get rid …

The Subheroes Chapter 2: Soup To Nuts
June 23, 2004 · No Comment

Slam! goes the phone, rrrrrump go the wheels of my desk chair, sssswish goes my messenger bag over my shoulders, and I'm halfway across the outer office when I see the baby, and I swear …

The Vine: June 22, 2004
June 22, 2004 · No Comment

This is a long story, but I will try and stick to the relevant issues. I
recently got engaged to a wonderful man, J. We've dated for two and a half years and
I am completely happy …

The Vine: June 18, 2004
June 18, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I'm a long-time reader, but a first-time writer. Anyway, I'm
currently spending a year abroad, in a beautiful,
student-friendly, European city.And while I enjoy the accents, and
going out to pubs, and have met a lot of …