I’m not sorry I said it, because it’s true, and it’s one of the first times in my life where I said that I was hurt without trying to apologize for it (that’s a whole other Vine). But I found out later that he got angry about it and was kind of an ass to me on the phone about it later.So that cements the “we should not be talking” thing. That’s only hard for me because I hate leaving things feeling ugly when our relationship wasn’t about that. All I would really want to say is, “Look, our relationship overall was an amazing thing in my life for a ton of reasons, and I hope you and I both find what we’re looking for.” How long should I wait to tell him that? I mean, assuming in six months I still feel strongly about it, is that long enough, or should I wait longer than that? Or is this something that just won’t get said?

Alas, the idea behind no contact is primarily to give yourself time to adjust to that fact — that he’s out of your life, that what he thinks, or what facts he has about how you feel, is really no longer relevant. His reactions and emotions are no longer yours to manage; this is both sad and freeing, depending on your mood on any given day, but part of the reason I advise so many people to take a complete break from the ex is because I know from experience that the break-up sometimes won’t “take” in your mind if the guy (or girl) is still a daily part of your life and your emotional housekeeping.

With all that said, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to write him a letter and tell him what you just told me — but before you send it, ask yourself why you want him to know this. Ask yourself why you can’t just leave him to draw that conclusion on his own — or, more importantly, to draw a different conclusion that, at this point, really isn’t your concern anymore. It still matters to you what he thinks, and I’m not saying it shouldn’t, necessarily, but the point of taking a break is for it to start mattering less, and the point of a break-up…well, you know.

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