Dear Sars —

Here’s the situation in a nutshell.I have, at
thirty-two years old, married and with a family,
returned to university to finish my B.A.Not one of
those just-want-the-degree-so-I-can-get-a-promotion
things, but planning to continue on to graduate school
et cetera and so on.This has always kind of been my
dream, I never could afford it before, I’m thrilled to
be there and doing incredibly well academically…I
love my classes and it’s just so much more fun to do
the work at this point in life, so I’ve managed to
rack up a fair amount of honors and the like.

My issue is social.I’m not in the “non-traditional”
students’ evening program, but the standard full-time
day college with all the younguns.That’s fine.
Obviously, I’m not much for the underage drinking
scene, and I don’t have a terrible amount in common
with your average eighteen-year-old, but now and again
I click with someone, usually over academics.I’ve
met a few nice kids and have a decent, if small circle
of aquaintances who come over for pasta and to cram
for finals…it’s nice, but like I said, mostly we’re
at different stages of life.

I often miss knowing other women my own age,
particularly since I’m so far from my hometown and old
friends.Interestingly enough, I’ve found that I
often do get along extremely well with my younger
professors.Many of them are around my age, some have
children the same age as my children, and in addition
to talking shop during their office hours we’ve
chatted about marriage-and-family stuff that, well, my
younger college friends can’t really relate to.In
short, I miss having friends my own age and I really
like several of my professors, but I feel awkward
initiating a social relationship with a professor.
These people are busy, also I know there’s a certain
distance that needs to be maintained with students and
professors.Or is that a sexual-attraction rule, not
a let’s-be-friends rule?

I’m not the most social person in general — I guess you
can get that from this email — and largely I don’t
mind.I’m at a point where just hanging out with the
spouse and having the occasional coffee with a friend
is just fine.But I haven’t got the first idea
whether inviting a professor to coffee or one of the
pasta dinners would be inappropriate.I’d really
rather not make a tremendous faux pas.

Signed,
Probably Overthinking This

Sars,

What’s the best way to handle a friend who won’t stop talking about something?

I have a friend who is a semi-pro stand-up comic. I’ve been to many of his shows and I think he’s very funny, BUT…every time I talk to him, the first thing out of his mouth is usually some variation of, “I’m doing a show this weekend, are you gonna be there?” and/or “You don’t come to enough of my shows!” often followed by, “Man, you missed a great show last night!”

I understand that he likes performing and it means a lot to him when his friends come to his shows, but I hate it that he doesn’t really talk about anything else. When I try to steer the conversation in another direction, he always manages to bring it back to his shows. Is there a polite way of saying, “Dude, shut up about it already”?

Sincerely,
What’s the deal with clueless people?

Hi Sars,

For the past couple months I’ve had a boy problem, full of angst and drama and sneakiness and whatnot. My good sense has finally won out and I’ve decided to call the whole thing off and take some time away from him.

The question is, in what way does one do that? I know it’s considered bad etiquette to break up with someone over phone or email, but we’re not really dating, and half the problem is that when I do see him, I seem to lose my willpower.However, despite the whole ridiculous mess I do still care about him, and don’t want to be insensitive.

We run in the same circles and will inevitably (casually, infrequently) see each other again. No one else knows what’s been going on, though, so it will be just between us. It’s just a matter of how to have the conversation.

Thanks,
It’s Over, But How?