Dear Sars,

First, thanks again for “Yes, You Are,” which continues to rule.Second, I wonder if you could help me squash a molehill that I am turning into an anxiety-causing mountain.

Last year, I landed a sweet volunteer position at a major museum in Chicago.One of the sweetest things about it was my awesome supervisor, “Karen”; we weren’t all buddy-buddy or anything, but I appreciated the opportunities she gave me and the trust she placed in me.

When I applied for the position, I committed myself to the museum for a year, but after I’d worked there for about six months, my stepdad, who had been fighting cancer, had a serious relapse.I dropped everything to run to my parents’ house in Georgia, and I was very grateful to both Karen and my coworkers at my regular job for understanding my need to skip town.

After my stepdad died and I came back to Chicago, I was numb, of course, and I stopped doing everything that didn’t involve making money to pay the rent. I stopped seeing my friends, I stopped going to choir practice, and (you can see this coming) I stopped going to my volunteer job.I left maybe one message with Karen and then I just sort of vanished.

It’s been about a year, and I’m in a much better place, as they say, and I’m starting to turn a critical eye on the way I acted in the immediate aftermath of my stepdad’s death.I feel that while my actions were perhaps understandable, they were still quite unprofessional.Since I’ve changed academic fields, it’s unlikely that I’ll ever meet Karen in a professional context, and since I don’t live in Chicago anymore, I’m not going to run into her at the deli, but I do feel that I acted shabbily, and I want to address it.My mom thinks I’m blowing the whole thing out of proportion, but I can’t stop thinking about it.Do you think it would be weird if I wrote to Karen and apologized for blowing off my responsibilities?I don’t know how I’d possibly word it without it seeming weird.

Rereading this letter, the whole thing seems really trivial, but it’s causing me some hard-core anxiety, so I’m going to ask you anyway. What do you think?

Fretty McObsess

Hey Sars —

I’ve got a small dilemma, wrapped up in a larger
dilemma, and I need the Sars wisdom to tell me whether
to suck it up or say something. Great boyfriend Mike —
sweet, smart, funny, all that good stuff — who is a
little too nice for his own good. Enter his friend,
Beth.

Beth has made absolutely no secret of either her huge
crush on Mike or her dislike for me. Every single day
she finds a reason to call him to invite him to
something, beg for help, listen to her latest drama,
et cetera. Her demands, in my opinion, border on
inappropriate (“Oh, I don’t seem to have a date for my
sorority formal, will you go with me?”) and more than
once she has flown into tantrums about what a bad
friend he is for not catering to her every need. This
is a girl who screamed at him for hours the night she
found out we were dating — that’s the level of crazy
we’re dealing with here.

The little voice in my head says, “They’re friends,
don’t mess with that,” but he doesn’t even seem to
like her very much. He’s always complaining about what
a clingy, self-absorbed drama queen she is. It’s
usually, “Oh god, she’s calling me AGAIN — heeey Beth,
how’s it going?” or, “I really don’t want to go to her
party, but I promised I would.” Even more irritating
than her behavior, really, is the fact that he keeps
enabling it because he’s too nice to tell her to cram
it. I’ve never told him how I feel about her, though,
because the relationship is still fairly new and I
don’t want to seem jealous or issue any her-or-me
ultimatums.

Which brings me to the more immediate problem. Beth is
participating in a date auction for charity, and of
course she’s just so nervous that Mike needs to be
there to bid on her. He asked me if I have a problem
with it, which…well, I wouldn’t, if it were another
friend — but it’s Beth, and I do. The thing is, I feel
like I’m the one who stands to look like an asshole
here if I throw a hissy, because it’s for a good
cause.

So…do I just suck it up because hey, I’m the one
with a great boyfriend? Tell him that actually, I DO
have a problem with the whole thing? Mention that the
date auction is okay, but while we’re on the subject
of Beth, I’d like to say a few things? I don’t want to
seem petty or possessive, but I’m getting tired of
sharing him.

Not Usually the Jealous Type

Dear Sars,

I need frank words. I never really know when I’m being hardheaded, and I need someone outside the situation. I’m 24 years old and live with my parents. It’s actually a great setup. We get along great and my job includes a lot of travel, so last year I was home in total about 120 days out of the year. I also live in a boom town, where it is literally impossible to find housing. Houses are on the market for literally six hours before getting snapped up. Besides, the facts are that I don’t have the money, I’m not home enough to really warrant renting, I don’t want to move out, and my parents have told me that they don’t want to push me, they’d rather that I travel and “enjoy being young.” I buy most of the groceries but don’t pay rent. Every once in a while I’ll fill their car with gas, and they’ve used my car during the longer trips.

So here’s the problem. One of the “perks” of being in a boom town is the unemployment rate is very very low. My parents own a business and they can’t find enough people to fill the jobs. Enter Carly. Carly doesn’t have enough money for childcare, also Carly’s husband works the night shift and needs to sleep during the day, so he can’t take care of them. Apparently there is also a divorce in the works, because of course, things aren’t working out. So in order to snap her up, my parents said they would watch her kids. Two girls, a 18-month-old who screams, and a four-year-old who is bored to tears.

My parents aren’t really babysitting, more providing a home where there are adults present. Carly doesn’t have a lot of toys, and so the kids are bored and I don’t have the time to entertain them. I’ve got two jobs, both have odd hours and basically when I’m home, I need to do laundrey and sleep. Sometimes I wake up at 5 AM, and am home by 7 PM, sometimes I work the red-eye shift and have to sleep in until 5 PM. These kids come over at 10 AM, and leave around 8 PM. When I’m home there are these kids are wandering, screaming, yapping and stressing me and the cats out.

My parents are pissed at me for being opposed to this. Not only are they providing free child care and a precedent to other stylists, but they are barely providing any kind of child care. Also, it’s fallen on me to take care of these kids and as charming as the whole “it’s good practise” line is, I don’t have the patience. I need to decompress, and I’m a person who needs my space. My parents get really offended when I bring it up, my mom cries, and my dad yells. He hasn’t yelled at me since I was 15. I really wish I could move out, but it’s not really a possibility, and my mom seems to think this will only be happening for the next four months.

Am I being a brat? Do you see a solution? The few times I’m home a month, is peace and quiet and personal space too much to ask for? Seriously, why do all hair stylists that my parents hire have such dramatic lives? Should I just hole myself up in the basement watching Arrested Development DVDs until the four months are over, then go back to my normal life?

How I wish I was a Bluth!