The Vine: May 18, 2004
Hey hey!
My shoe question comes from England, and it’s mainly about…size. It matters, I kid you not. It’s in three parts, and they all cover the fact that I will be in America soon and looking to buy pretty pretty shoes and have big big feet.
1) How does one convert American shoe sizes to English shoe sizes?
2) How does one convert male shoe sizes to female shoe sizes, and vice versa? (I’m a transsexual, and this one’s really bugging me.)
3) Where can one buy pretty shoes for girls with exceptionally large feet?
I’m an English male size ten, by the way.
Yours,
Footzilla
AB Chao says:
Dear Footzilla,
I feel for you, lady.Here we go:
1.American men’s shoe sizes are generally (it’s not an exact science,
so your best bet is just to try the shoes on) U.K. sizes, plus one half or
one size up.So, if you’re a U.K. size 10, you’re a U.S. size 10.5 or 11.
2.To figure your women’s shoe size, take your men’s shoe size and add
two — which would make your American female shoe size around a 12.5,
and your English female shoe size a 12.(And if you’re buying European
sizes, which is a whole ‘nother set of conversions, your female size
is…47.I’m not thinking you’ll find Manolos in that.)
3.I wear a size six, so I’m not super-familiar with where to find
pretty shoes for big feet, but I know Steve Madden goes up to a size
13, and a quick search at Nordstrom turned up some very cute
sandals that go up to a 12.I’d recommend starting with the larger
department stores first, and even if you can’t find what you’re looking
for, there are always nice old ladies in the shoe department who can
probably point you in the right direction.
Good luck!I hope you find the prettiest shoes in the whole land.
An Appeal to the Reigning Queen of Grammar and Usage:
Recently our circle of friends has been torn on the correct use of the word
“imply.”
In one camp, we have the folks who maintain that an implication must be
intended — that is to say, you can’t imply something without meaning to
imply it.
On the other side are those who staunchly believe that…well, that you
can imply something without intending to (or at least, your words can imply
something that you didn’t mean).
Which camp is justified here, or is it a common usage vs. antiquated
definition situation?
Thanks,
A House Divided
Dear Divided,
The definition of “imply” is here.As you’ll see, the meaning of “imply” has more to do with the method of expression than with its intent, which the dictionary definition does not address (or, in fact, imply).
I would say that, yes, an implication usually suggests intent on the part of the implier — but it doesn’t have to.That standard is not built into the definition.
In other words, you can imply something without intending to.
Hey, Sars!
Sometimes I hate being a girl.
I know it’s perfectly acceptable to be single at nineteen. I know it’s
actually preferrable to be single at nineteen. I know that when I am ready I
will marry my boyfriend and have many baby ponies in the barn (seriously —
no kids). I know that it will be so much easier to get through law school
without a husband, and I know that I am capable of waiting that long to get
married. I’ve never been in a hurry to tie the knot, and I think that’s a
good thing.
I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. He’s the only person I
can sit down with to talk things through when we have problems. He’s always
there for me and puts up with all my symptoms. And I put up with his. I love
him dearly and sincerely believe he’s the one for me, just like he believes
I’m the one for him. We’re not engaged. We plan on getting married, but
there’s no date, no ring, no real commitment. Which is fine.
But lately it’s been making me sad. Most of my friends are the same age as
me or are a couple years older, but they’re all either married or engaged.
One friend is married and has a baby and is younger than me. I don’t want
the life she has, and I don’t think I ever will, but everytime I hang out
with her, I feel like…like I’m not as good as she is. These things never
really mattered to me until Christmas, which turned out to be the worst
Christmas ever when I thought it was going to be the best. Why? Because my
boyfriend’s brother proposed to his girlfriend. That means ALL of my friends
are either engaged or married. And now I feel like I suck. Why aren’t I
engaged? Where’s my shiny ring? Why doesn’t anyone want to marry me?
Then I
tell myself, “Boy does want to marry you. Just not right now.” And then
something else in me (I think it’s all that estrogen running around from the
birth control pill) says, “If he really loved you, he’d want to marry you
right now and he’d tell you that all you need is love.” And then the other
voice says, “That’s crap. You know it. Shut up. He loves you and you will
get married when it’s the right time.” And they go back and forth and I cry
in my pillow.
Sars, why does this suddenly matter so much to me? I see people getting
married on TV and I think, “I want to pick out my dress. Why does she get to
have all the fun?” I feel like something is wrong with me just because I’m
not engaged, like everybody else has something that makes them someone a guy
wants to marry, and I don’t. This is completely unlike me. I was so happy
riding horses and baking cookies and studying, and now I’ve turned into one
of those psycho bitches who just wants to get married. I don’t want to be
that person! Where did I go?! Is this just something lots of girls go
through? Will it go away? I feel really confused and upset, and there really
isn’t anyone I can talk to about this. My mom would just freak out that I
want to get married, all my friends are so busy staring at their rings
anymore that I don’t even think they hear me, and I don’t want Boy to know
I’m this stupid. I would really appreciate any advice or just kind words of
support you’re so good at offering.
Thanks so much,
The Only Girl In the Entire World Who Doesn’t Have a Diamond Ring
Dear Um, Hardly,
Don’t you have anything else to think about?Your studies?What you want to do with your life — how you plan to fill the time after your fantasy of getting married and living happily ever after is fulfilled and you don’t have that to obsess about anymore?
It’s a big world and a long life, and there’s more in it and to it than getting married.I mean, marriage is great, don’t get me wrong, but you’d better find something else to care about along the way.Start knitting.Get cable.Volunteer.Better yet, go see a counselor and figure out why you’ve placed such a high premium on getting engaged, why you compare yourself to other people all the time on this one issue and think you come up short, why you have so little perspective on marriage.
Because, leaving aside the fact that you’re nineteen and really have no call to get so wound up about this before the government even lets you drink alcohol…marriages end, sometimes, and even when they don’t, they take work, and like I said, you don’t sit around gazing into each other’s eyes.You’ve got jobs to go to and gutters to clean and book clubs to bake cookies for.Getting married is not going to fix what’s going on in your head.
Go to a therapist and get some help prying your self-esteem away from whether or not you have a diamond.If your friends don’t do anything but stare at their rocks, for the love of Mike, get new friends, because boring!And while you’re up, take a look at my left hand.Do you see a ring on that finger?Do you think I suck because I haven’t gotten married yet?Then why would you think it about yourself?
O Great All-Knowing Sars,
Half of my dormitory floor is pitted against me in a
question of grammar.My pride and some money is
riding on this.My floormates argue that the
expression “pish-posh” is correct, while I claim (I
hope correctly) that it is “pish-tosh.”I have always
said “pish-tosh” and have rarely heard the other
version.Merriam-Webster defines “pish” as an
interjection used to express disdain, “tosh” as utter
nonsense, and “posh” as elegant or refined.To me, the
phrase “pish-tosh” just makes a great deal more sense.
I will defer to your expertise, though; if you say I
am wrong, I will gladly eat crow all around.
Thank you very much.
This Argument Really Is Tosh
Dear Agreed,
Google came back with ten times the number of results for “pish-posh” as it did for “pish-tosh,” according to this, both expressions are in play.
I suspect that “pish-posh” is more of a British usage, but none of my books has it listed, and I have nothing to back that up with.On the other hand, I have never once heard anyone say “pish-posh.”It’s always “pish-tosh.”I don’t know if that’s authoritative enough to settle a money bet, but it’ll have to do.
Dear Sars,
Without going into huge reams of detail, my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years. We’ll call him “T.” Prior to going out with me, he was living with a woman, we’ll call her “L,” for about 10 years. He left her to be with me. We weren’t having an affair, we’d all been friends for years, and feelings just gradually changed.
Now L, as she had every right to be, was very hurt and very difficult to be around for a long time. She and T decided to remain friends, against my better judgment, but, fine, none of my business. There was quite a lot of arguments, making up, falling out, recriminations, et cetera, but we got through it. She’s now married to a lovely bloke and T was their best man. I was part of the wedding party. So…what’s the problem?
L is a difficult woman. I am fond of her and she can be great, but she can also be moody, argumentative and generally misinterprets anything said to her, probably because she’s very insecure. Therefore if she does something which annoys you, it’s generally better to just let it go than try to explain why it’s a problem, because she will only misunderstand and probably go off into a tantrum, or a sulk, or just be terribly upset. I make her sound awful, but honestly, most of the time she’s not.
But there’s this thing she’s been doing, and it’s driving me nuts. Say we are sitting round having a conversation — her, me, T and her husband.The conversation turns to food, and I make some comment on T’s preferences. L will immediately leap in, either contradicting me, or telling me that she knows T’s preferences and expanding on them.
It sounds like a stupid little thing and in a way it is, except that she always does it. I mean ALWAYS. I cannot mention my boyfriend (soon to be husband) without her managing to allude in some way to their relationship and how she knows him better than I do, whether he is present or not. It’s got to the point where other people have commented on it, and I know her husband (who is a lovely bloke and ten times better for her than T was) has noticed and it bothers him.
I know that she was badly hurt by the breakup. Although there was never any question of my “stealing him from her,” obviously I must bear some responsibility for that pain, and I know that it will take a long time for things to be normal between us, if indeed they ever are. But I am getting to the point where I avoid mentioning T if she is in the conversation, because I know automatically what the response will be, and also because it upsets her husband. All four of us tend to hang out quite a lot, and I’d really rather not just stop seeing her because this one thing irritates me.
So, I guess what I’m asking is — can you think of a way I can say, calmly, tactfully, and above all without possibility of misinterpretation, “Yes, we are all aware that you and T were in a relationship, but it’s over now, perhaps you should be talking about YOUR husband more”?
Thanks,
Yes, I know he likes bacon
Dear Bacon,
Not really.I mean, yes, you can say it tactfully; you can take her aside at some point and tell her it annoys you, but she’s probably going to make it into A Big Thing instead of just taking it under advisement and easing up on the territory-marking.
So, you’ve got three choices.You can ask her husband if he’s said anything to her about it, and hint that perhaps he should, because if he tells her it hurts his feelings when she’s always in such a hurry to remind everyone about how well she knows T, she might actually hear it.You can embarrass her the next time she does it: “Yeah, we know you’re the expert on T, you’ve made it clear a hundred different times, but a lot’s changed since he left you.”Or you can continue to avoid T’s habits and preferences in conversation in order to keep the peace, which is probably the smartest option.
It really depends on how much you actually value L’s friendship.If you don’t think you can just tell her, “Look, we get it, and it bugs, so…quit it,” maybe it’s time for the four of you to move on from each other.Let her husband deal with her neurotic ass.
Tags: boys (and girls) friendships grammar retail
