Hi Sars,

This is for the Vine Reader moving to Brooklyn, looking for a cheap gym.

The city parks may be a very good idea.Many parks have indoor “fitness centers”; you do have to pay a membership fee, but it’s one flat fee for the whole year, and you can use any one of the fitness centers in the city.I think right now it’s $50 for the year for most parks; if you want to also use the ones with an indoor pool, it’s $75 for the year.

I use the one by me, in the Lower East Side; it’s got a decent collection of fitness equipment, about 4-5 exercise bikes, a couple stair machines, and a weight room.They also have aerobics and wrestling classes.They also have decent hours; Monday through Friday, open until 9, Saturday until 5:30.Several of the parks that don’t have indoor pools may have outdoor pools, that are usually open to the public for free; they often have earlier-morning or early-evening lap-swimming-only hours if you want to actually get exercise in, rather than going during the day and dealing with 186 kids all trying to do cannonballs and play Marco Polo all over the place.The only drawback to the outdoor pools is that they’re only open a couple months out of the year.

There is a fitness center in Williamsburg — the Metropolitan Pool and Fitness Center.It is one with an indoor pool, but I think that’s open year-round.It also has the basic fitness room, and even a computer room for classes in case you want to brush up on Quark after you’ve worked out, I suppose.

Using the city park actually got me working out for the first time in my life.It’s been perfect for me.

KW

Thanks!Other readers suggested the city gyms, as well as:

The 14th Street Y in Manhattan (only a couple stops from Williamsburg on the L train)
The gym on the corner of Metropolitan and Union
Checking out the sites www.freewilliamsburg.com and www.billburg.com for suggestions

Dear Sars,

In the past year, my older sister and (former) best friend got
engaged, two of my best friends and about five of my close friends got
pregnant or had babies. Yay, right?

Well, in approximately the same time span, I have had a run of fairly
bad luck. I lost my best friend because his fiance hated me on sight
for reasons unknown to me since I didn’t know her from Eve before they
started dating (and she never gave me a chance to know her, anyway).
The job I thought would be a great opportunity turns out isn’t so
fantastic. My closest extended relative was diagnosed with terminal
cancer. Some issues with my parents have sort of boiled over, and I
broke up with my boyfriend of six years, with whom I thought I’d be
spending the rest of my life.

I know that into each life some rain must fall, and even though it
seems like everything is going beautifully for the people around me,
some of them also must be thinking that everything is going wrong and
they’re the unluckiest people in the world.

Still, if one more person buys a round of drinks to share some good
news but doesn’t have one herself, I’m going to run out the door
sobbing. I would love to get out of my own self-pity and just be happy
for my friends, but I’m having a really difficult time doing it. I
think part of this is that I feel a little resentful that when I
turned to my closest friends when things got difficult (and I mean
just a few words of support, not a cheer-up weekend in Vegas), they
were too busy dealing with their own life changes to bother much about
mine. I suppose it’s natural for people to do that occasionally and it
is probably nothing personal, but it still sucks.

So my question to you is, do you have any strategies for being (or at
least appearing) happy for the people you care about when all you want
to do is crawl under a rock and die when you hear their good news?

Thanks,
K

Well, you just…do it.You think how you’d want them to feel about your good news, when/if you have some; you try to separate their happiness from your relative current lack of it, and don’t compare yourself or your life to them or their lives.And at another time, when it’s not a celebration, you tell them you need someone to listen for a few minutes while you vent, and if they can’t do that for you, you reassess.

Because sometimes it’s just your turn in the shithouse.It’s your turn to feel alone and like you’re getting nowhere.Everyone goes through this, your friends with good news and big life changes included — and I would add that things like promotions and weddings and new babies are generally positives, but “big life change” is just that, “big” and “change.”You don’t know every thought they have, and a friend who’s having a baby is happy and excited, but probably also nervous and worried sometimes.And maybe misses white wine, and maybe is sick of nibbling Saltines and having to sleep 11 hours to function.You know what I mean?

I’m not saying you have to talk down your friends’ happy news to make it palatable for yourself; I’m saying keep it in perspective, remember that it’s not a competition and nobody’s judging you.And it’s okay to ask them to be there for you — yes, planning a wedding or a nursery is time-consuming and can be stressful, but it doesn’t actually take every minute of the day, and if your friends can’t make a little time to support you, maybe it’s time to move on.

Dear Sars,

I’m in a bit of a sticky situation.I recently broke up with my girlfriend of about a year, and things aren’t going very smoothly.Although I still feel a certain amount of affection toward her, her drug problem and inability to keep from kissing people with whom I have a professional relationship kicked my self-preservation instinct into gear, and I’m moving on.

If it were only that easy.I’m ignoring her phone calls, text messages and emails, but I still see her on a nearly daily basis.I don’t work with her, but part of her job has her meeting with people down the hall from my office, and she works part-time at my gym, conveniently during the only time of day when I can go to the gym.For the record, I was there first.She didn’t even apply for the job there until I’d been a member for over a year.I’d switch gyms, but I live in an extremely small town without much choice, and for the first time in my life I’ve found a personal trainer I can work with.That means that both during my work day and at the gym, I’m going to run into her.I’ll probably also run into her at the grocery store as well, since we live in such a small town.

The only bright spot is that she isn’t out, so that means that she is highly unlikely to make a scene in public.That doesn’t stop her from giving me “the look,” which is usually enough to make me extremely sad that there can’t be a future between us.She’s an addict and isn’t going to change.I get that in my head, but I’m still waiting for my heart to catch up.Every time I see her, it is almost as if I’m back at square one.I have to remind myself that it is over, and that is painful.I’ve had fantasies about getting her fired from her job, but that is just far too vindictive, and she could probably do the same to me.

I can’t quit my job, because I have a contract.I could barricade myself in my office, but that doesn’t seem like a productive environment in which to work.I don’t want to have to completely change my life in order to get away from her.Short of breaking my contract and moving to another town altogether, do you have any advice?

Signed,
Health club custody battle waiting to happen

It’s a gym.Yeah, yeah, the personal trainer.It’s…a gym.People kept fit for many years without going to gyms; maybe it’s time to work out retro-style instead, because if it’s so important to you to remove this woman from your life that you’re daydreaming about getting her fired, it’s important enough to quit the gym and reduce your contact with her.

“But then she wins!”Not really.I don’t have to tell you that addicts are manipulators, that it’s what the addiction does to survive.The only way she doesn’t win is if you refuse to engage her, and the best way to do that is to avoid her to the best of your ability — and if that means leaving town and starting over so you can make sure that gets done, fuck how it looks.Leave.

You have to decide what’s important to you, and act based on that.Leave aside how hard the choice is, or the part after the choice.What’s more important to you, your job, or leaving your ex behind?What’s more important to you, doing Pilates correctly or peace of mind?

Contracts can be renegotiated, and they sell workout DVDs on Amazon.Yes, these seem like drastic measures, but you have to decide if the times are drastic enough to call for those.If they aren’t, trust that things will get better and continue to keep a quiet, professional distance.If they are, pack it up, or drive to a gym in a neighboring town instead.

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