Dear Sars,

Long-time reader, first-time writer. And it’s the former that’s the problem.

Oh, it’s not that I’m dissing your (high-quality and hilarious) site — it’s that I can’t tear myself away from my computer. I think I have a problem. Scratch that, I know I have a problem. It began, as many things do, in college, when I started a blog as a sounding board for various stresses. But since then, cyberspace has turned into a monster — and no matter how many heads I chop off, the hydra’s still alive and well.

I’ve long since dumped the blog, I’ve tried restricting web time, I’ve even gone cold-turkey (except one 10-minute email check per day) for a while. The longest stretch I’ve gone sans the precious-s-s is about two weeks. I lose myself looking online for over an hour (I look up and the clock has magically changed); I should have realized it was getting out of control when, a month or two after it began, my family began remarking on my increased tendency to squint while reading.

The reason I’ve taken the plunge and written you is as follows: I’m going after my first full-time job out of college, and I know that surfing at work has got to stop. I do it at the dinky little internship I have now, despite all the rules to the contrary. I got into the habit of doing it at work during a whole string of (hideously boring) temp jobs that I took on to pay the bills during my first two years “in transition.” But what will happen if I get caught doing it at my first real job? Nothing good, I imagine.

So, is it just my willpower that’s weak? If so, how can I fix it? If not, what can I do? And is my current employer just looking over my shoulder and waiting to haul me over the coals for checking (and re-checking) dailykos and TWoP at work? Or am I just paranoid?

Oh, and I’m aware of the irony of using the internet in order to decry it, so — well, if you finish that quote, my adoration for you is complete.

Worriedly,
100X the Recommended Daily Dosage of Internet Use; Now with Enhanced Irony

The internet has pretty much integrated itself into the country’s cultural life at this point; not that you have to have it in your life if it’s causing problems, but I think employers understand that there’s downtime during the day, and don’t have a huge problem with some surfing if you’re not neglecting other job tasks or looking at porn.

It is really easy to “lose time” on the internet, though. I look up fairly frequently and realize I’m still at the computer when I don’t need to be. So, I think the solution for you is two-fold: force yourself to be aware of the time you’re spending online; and give yourself alternative activities so you’re not tempted to go, “Well, just five more minutes, who cares.”

Think of the internet as a treat you’re giving yourself, assign a closed-ended amount of time to enjoy it, use the full time, and then get up and do something else. Set a timer, or the alarm on your cell phone; spend half an hour reading your favorite sites, or make a list of those sites (keep it short), run through them, and log off. Answer every email that requires a prompt response, save the others, and log off. (Email is, for me, the biggest unintentional time suck if I don’t deal with all of it at once, twice a day; it can really spread out over the whole day if you let it, so unless you’re expecting a specific important file or response, make “answer email” a list item, cross it off when you’re finished, and close the program.)

And when you’re done with your designated internet time or tasks, go directly to another task or activity. Get up and clean. Get up and make copies. Bring a book to work, and read that during slow periods instead; have a notebook on your desk that you can use to make to-do lists. Have something else to do instead.

The internet has thermodynamic properties that allow it to fill as much time as you give it. Take up needlepoint or decoupage and force it back into its box.

Dear Sars —

I have a family money etiquette question. I have a sister who’s in her forties and is always low on the cash for various reasons. Whenever we go on family vacations, my mom and dad (in their seventies) end up picking her and her son up and driving them wherever we’re going. This usually means they drive ten hours out of their way. The reason? Sister says her car is just way too shitty to make long-distance trips. I don’t buy that — there’s a long history of Sis taking advantage of Mom and Dad whenever possible. Mom and Dad are just too dang nice for their own good.

Anyway — on an upcoming family vacation, I would like to rent my sister a damn car so that Mom and Dad don’t go way the hell out of their way to get her. Can you think of any way to politely handle this? I feel awkward about it since she’s my older sis and I’m basically saying “yo, I know you’re poor and all so here’s a ride so you don’t inconvenience Mom and Dad.”

Thanks Sars,
My sister drives a Yugo (not really)

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Dear Yugo,

Is there a birthday or other occasion you could mark by giving your sister the rental as a “gift”? That would take the sting out of it.

If not…well, if what you want out of the situation is for your parents to be spared the ten-hour side trip, and if the only solution is to rent your sister a car (or to point out that she’s being a selfish freeloader, or something else equally unpalatable in terms of her getting her back up about it), well, that’s the only solution. You have to decide if it’s worth it.

Keep in mind as you decide that your parents are adults too; if they choose to let your sister inconvenience them in this way, it’s unfortunate, but it’s really their own fault. I hear you on the fact that they’re a little old to be taking ten-hour detours to pick up a grown woman, but…their decision.

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Hey Sars —

I’ve put some big life changes into place over the past few months, and now, due to the combination of coffee, cigarettes, some TMJ pain and the divorce-related emotional roller coaster, I seem to have lost 20 pounds in about two months (I’m 5’10”). In jeans (same brand, cut) I’ve gone from a size 12 in May to a 6 that I bought yesterday, which may turn out to be too loose.

My question then is — in your experience (and I know everybody is different), does this kind of weight loss stick around? You’ve mentioned before losing weight when stressed yourself. I’m more of a steady gainer (around 4 lbs a year during my marriage) and I definitely had a stress belly before, so I’m not sure how my body will react when the adrenaline/stimulant diet I seem to be on leaves my bloodstream and I settle into my new single life. Should I return the Theory pants I bought in an optimistic mood and stick to thrift stores for now? Can I keep the pants if I get back into yoga, or is this body change purely chemical, and unmaintainable? I’m totally fine with the latter, but I’m curious.

Also, how quick a weight loss is too quick? I’m pretty sure I’ve pinpointed the causes of the loss, but should I see a doctor if this keeps on through the summer? I need some multivitamins, too, I’ll bet.

What am I, an Olsen Twin?

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Dear Ashley,

In my experience, no, it doesn’t stick around. In my case, that was a good thing; I’m sure some women can look lovely at five ten, 135, but I am not one of them. My hair and skin look like shit, I’m flabby and tired all the time…I was eating to gain at that point in my life, and if you’re putting down enough beer and grilled cheese, you can put the weight back on in only a few months.

But it depends on whether you’re trying to do that (I didn’t want to have to re-buy my clothes in an 8, so I went on a Raging Bull regimen). Your first concern, really, should be whether you’re getting proper nutrition. I think twenty pounds in two months is on the edge of what’s healthy, and losing that much that fast can fuck with everything from your blood iron to your electrolytes to your menstrual cycle. It doesn’t always, but it can.

So, go to the doctor and get checked out, just in case. Start on a multivitamin, and browse around Weight Watchers — no, you’re not trying to lose any more weight, but diet plans can be helpful in terms of getting focused on the food groups and changing your diet to something safer and more nourishing long-term.

And go back to yoga or some other workout, just to get your system tuned up. Your body is a better at knowing what it needs, and telling you, if it’s getting regular exercise; if I’m working out regularly, I’m more attracted to fibers and fruits and water.

But first and foremost, try not to add to your stress by worrying about this. People go through these phases sometimes, and getting anxious about whether you’re Dangerously Thin is not a recipe for reversing the trend. Ask your doctor about it, cut out some smoothie recipes, and see what happens.

[7/27/06]

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Tags:   health and beauty   popcult   the fam