The Vine: August 2, 2006
Re: Shampoo’s travel issues, I think she’s looking at it backwards.
I’ve traveled extensively for business too, and I just can’t understand the concept of packing so much that you need multiple large pieces of luggage. Travelsmith (http://www.travelsmith.com) and Tilley (http://www.tilley.com) both make terrific clothes designed to pack for travel — my Tilley blazer has been all over the world with me, as have several pair of Travelsmith pants. Heck, I did a three-week business trip to Bermuda a few years ago with one carry-on suitcase and my laptop bag. It’s much easier to get around with less, as Shampoo herself notes. I wholeheartedly recommend Doug Dyment’s great site One Bag (http://www.onebag.com) for tips on packing light(er).
Sure, as a man I have slightly different clothing needs than Shampoo does, but in a lot of cases women’s business suits aren’t wool and will therefore wrinkle less when packed. (Hanging them in the bathroom when you shower will steam out any wrinkles that may appear.) If you’re moving from place to place on a trip you can actually pack fewer things because people won’t see you wearing the same things every day, but even if you’re staying put the whole time, who cares? The people in the destination city know you’re traveling, so if you wear the same shirt twice in a week it won’t be a big deal. And it’s routine for me to wash out underwear in the sink every other night.
(Of course, if Shampoo is in the fashion business all bets are off and I take back almost everything I wrote above.)
If it’s Tuesday morning, this must be O’Hare; if it’s Tuesday afternoon, it must be Tulsa
Dear O’Hare,
Thanks for the links. Other suggestions appear below; ones I got more than once are asterisked.
Lands’ End
Portable steamer
The Atlantic Infinity EX Upright Suiter (try ebags.com)
Any suitcase with a travel insert
99-cent travel-sized toiletries at Target
Vera Bradley Travel Pouch
One pair of black shoes, one pair of brown shoes, and that’s it*
TravelPro suitcases*
L.L. Bean
Pad your clothing with tissue paper to avoid wrinkles
Pack the laptop in a tote that’s large enough to hold other stuff/double as a purse*
Protocol luggage
www.travelite.org/basics/whatshere.html
www.eaglecreek.com’s Pack-It folders*
Dear Sars,
I received a “Remember me?” email from a guy I last saw in elementary school. Oh, it gets better. We haven’t been in the same classroom since 1989. I remember talking to him maybe twice. He was quite the nerd and I didn’t exactly sit at the cool girls table, but that’s all we’ve ever had in common. I changed schools (unrelated to him) in 1993. We would live in the same town for the next seven years but not (to my knowledge) ever cross paths again. I seem to remember someone who went to junior high with him, then high school with me, saying that he mentioned me from time to time. I laughed it off because who keeps up with elementary school chums?
He somehow got a hold of my phone number and called me before we graduated high school. The essence of the conversation was him offering to loan me a couple of Wicca books, and trying to impress me by saying that he wore a trench coat to school. (This was the year after Columbine shooting.) I was in the process of moving and didn’t have time to talk. I promptly forgot about the entire conversation until the email arrived. His electronic signature now includes a bible verse so I’ll assume the Wicca was a phase. (I guess I’m making a big deal out of his email signature because I have no other information about him.)
Sars, I don’t remember much about this guy and what I do is through a mirror dimly. We haven’t seen each other for a decade and a half, and that’s saying something for people who aren’t yet old enough to rent a car. I have no idea who he thinks I am, what he remembers, or expects of me. I suppose I could just lie, but depending on where he got my email address that could be difficult to pull off. My best guess is that he found my email through my high school’s alumnae site.
Do I email this guy and lie, or say, “You’ve found me.” And then what? We went to the same school for four years, yeah, but it was elementary school. To put it mildly, I’ve slept since then. I can’t imagine what he thinks about me after all these years. I also can’t imagine that he remembers anything with any accuracy, because I surely can’t.
I Googled his name and it didn’t appear on any most wanted-lists. That’s a good sign, right?
Not the girl that got away
Dear Girl,
You want my permission to blow off this email, right? No problem. Permission granted. Delete it unanswered.
I’m sure he’s probably harmless, but you barely remember him; what you do remember suggests that he’s a weirdo; his reasons for contacting you now are, well, obscure.
And sure, you could become great friends, but…you were never great friends before. You sound uncomfortable with the situation; enough said. Don’t bother responding. He’ll live.
Sars,
My question is of the “friendships have a lifespan” variety. When I was a toddler, my parents became friendly with another young couple who had a daughter about my age, who I’ll call “Jane.” The families bonded, and everybody was all buddy-buddy, until they moved out of state. We all stayed in touch and visited back and forth occasionally, and I remained friendly with Jane. I even served as her maid of honor. Unfortunately, my father became very ill, and I had to fly home right after the ceremony. We drifted apart somewhat, as I was dealing with my father’s illness, and she was a young newlywed.
About a year later, my father passed away, and I heard nothing from her. I was upset and a little hurt, but really had too much other drama to deal with than to make a stink about it. She would write with news about her kids, her parents and siblings, etc. I sent gifts for her childrens’ births that were never acknowledged, and she picked up her mother “Fran”‘s odious habit of sending out form letters for holidays and major life milestones. Our mothers stayed in sporadic touch, but we essentially downgraded to annual cards from me, and odious form letters from her.
Then, a few years ago, Jane and Fran and assorted and sundry kids were in the area, and wanted me to take them on a tour of the sights. It was very vague; let’s meet on Monday or Tuesday and bang around the city. Like a bozo, I agreed to this plan, only to have them blow me off completely and then leave a nasty voicemail when they realized I hadn’t sat around my apartment for two days waiting for marching orders. At that point, I wrote the friendship off, though I have continued to send the annual card, out of polite habit more than anything else, though I no longer rate even a form response. Fran, however, has continued to send the form letters, now of the odious email variety, and that’s about the size of it.
A few days ago, I received a rather snarky email from Fran, detailing the failure of me and mine to be good friends or frequent correspondents. Apparently, my mom, who recently changed jobs, had the unmitigated gall not to inform Fran of her new email address, and Fran needed to let me know what a big disappointment we all are. I forwarded the email to my mom, told Fran that I had done so, and hope that I’m right the fuck out of this now.
Here’s the question — if Miss Manners Fran writes me again, am I now completely free to tell her to go fuck herself, her rude daughter, and anyone else she can think of? I don’t want to mess with my mom’s friendship, but my tolerance for rude bullshit has been reached and exceeded. Help.
Not a Fan of the Odious Form Letter, Obviously
Dear Fan,
I think you’re better off treating her with the same regard with which she’s treated you — i.e. not regarding her at all. If she writes again, delete it and get on with your day. She’s not a person whose friendship or opinion you value; your friendship with her daughter is a dead issue; if you really want to stay out of it, do exactly that and ignore her.
And why, while I’m up, are you still sending cards to Jane? To show her up for being a bitchy, careless friend? She’s a horse’s ass, but you’re not going to get an acknowledgment of that, so unless you want to get back on the form-letter dist list — and you don’t — save the postage and cut her off completely.
[8/2/06]
Tags: Ask The Readers etiquette friendships
