I don’t know what Irn means by non-preachy, but a dear athiest friend of mine recently joined a group called SOS. In his words, it is “an organization for those who don’t want to put their problem in the hands of a higher power.”

The website for the organization is: http://www.sossobriety.org/.

He found a meeting within walking distance of his house and was delighted with his good fortune. I hope it turns out the same for Irn. My friend has been alcohol-free for a month now. I hope that works out for Irn, too.

I love the Abba Song, too

Dear Abba,

Thanks for the tip.Other suggestions appear below:

Livejournal’s “sobriety” community
Yahoo’s “Friends of Bill” chat room
Google “friends of bill” or “sobriety message board”
soberrecovery.com
www.rational.org
Salon’s Table Talk community: tabletalk.salon.com/webx?14@@.773a7ac5/0
Lamplighters: http://www.aa-lamplighters.org/public/faq.htm

Dear Sars —

Behold, a paraphrased email exchange between the Partner of the Treasurer (PoT) of our condo association (three units in the building), and me.I’m the Secretary of the association.The Actual Treasurer (AT) and I are signators on the association’s bank account.

PoT:I can’t find the bank statements for the past two months — do you have them?

Me:They were delivered to our unit by mistake — my husband left them under the front door to your unit on X date two weeks ago.

PoT:I can’t find them, can you go to the bank and get copies for me?I am not a signator.

Me:Can we call and get copies re-sent?Or can we go to the bank’s online center and access them (here I provided handy-dandy link to bank’s website)?I will not be available during bank hours until end of next month.

PoT:If you could call them for me, that would be great.

Me:[No email response for a couple of hours — these were all sent to and from my work email — whilst seething and actual working commenced.I figured I’d talk to her in person since I was a bit angry and didn’t want to email anything I’d regret.]

PoT:[verbatim] Are you going to get the statements or does AT have to go the bank?

Me:[verbatim, unable to wait to talk in person]Sorry I didn’t respond right away, I’m under deadline today.It seems that this task is the Treasurer’s responsibility, but I believe that there are a myriad of ways to handle it that don’t involve physically going to the bank.

This is our first owned property — I’ve never been on association before, let alone an officer.We’ve had one meeting in which we pointed at one another and said, “President,” “Treasurer,” “Secretary.”Roles have never been further defined.Six people (five adults and my one-year-old son) live in the building.Who’s the beeyatch in the above exchange, and if it was me, how do I make amends?

Thanks,
Secretary

Dear Sec,

PoT is the beeyatch.You aren’t an errand girl, for starters, and if AT has a problem going to the bank, s/he can take it up with you in person; I don’t think I understand why PoT is getting so stroppy at all, much less acting like you work for her.Does she not have a working phone herself?Why is this your problem?

I think you handled it fine.If she wants amends made, apologize (insincerely) for giving her tone, but stress that, when it comes to association business, AT should call or email you directly to sort this kind of thing out — and if PoT contacts you again with this kind of busywork, tell her you’ll handle it with AT directly, and do so.Just go around her.It’s not her beeswax, strictly speaking.

Sars:

I know it’s not proper etiquette to give your boss a gift, thank-you or otherwise.However, I work for family (aunt and uncle to be specific.)I’ve worked for them in the past, starting back in high school, and worked on and off through my college years.I recently moved back home, and after sitting around on my butt for nearly three months (pretending to look for a job), Aunt calls me and asks if I want to do some work.I jumped at the opportunity, and since have found a day-time job, but continue to work for them at night.

Now, I’m working an additional 25 hours a week for them, on top of the 40 I work at my day job.They’ve told everyone how wonderful it is that I work for them, a load is lifted, et cetera.Regardless, I feel like I owe them something.They technically didn’t have to hire me, or even ask if I’d like to work for them again.It could’ve been just the couple of days, see ya, we don’t have any more work for you to do.They’ve been very accommodating, even with my volunteer work and trainings.They’ve kind of let me set my own schedule, allowed me to ask for certain jobs to do and given them to me, et cetera.

Question is, is it proper to give them a gift?And if so, what?A gift certificate for dinner or spa? Or maybe just a cookie bouquet, something small and simple?

Signed, Don’t Wanna Be An Ungrateful Mooch

Dear Mooch,

I think you can bend this rule given that it’s family — why not invite them both out to a nice dinner, your treat?It’s less gifty than a certificate or an actual item, plus it gives you a chance to raise a glass to their supportiveness, and have some nice conversation as well.

[8/31/06]

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