Sars,

I have had similar trouble with this book.I read it as a kid too, but I had a vague idea of the name.Recently I tracked it down, only to find that it is out of print.It’s called Children of the Dust by Louise Lawrence.Here’s the synopsis off Amazon:

Nuclear missiles are flying toward their targets. One family is separated: the father finds his way to an underground shelter while his wife and three children seal themselves in their living room. But only Catherine, the eight year old, stays completely inside, away from radiation, hiding under a blanket-covered table. And only she will survive. Her older sister, before she dies, takes Catherine to Johnson, an eccentric survivalist. Meanwhile, in a government bunker, Bill Harnden, the father, mates and has another daughter, Ophelia. As the years pass, a few survivors try to establish an agricultural foundation for a new society above ground, while in the shelter machines preserve a society unable to function in a new world. When the leaders of the shelter decide to commandeer the livestock of the outsiders, Bill and Ophelia go to warn them. In Johnson’s camp, now a small village, Bill finds that his daughter Catherine is the mother of the first of a new breed of genetic mutants who are covered with fine white fur and have strange white eyes and psychic abilities. By the next generation, it is clear that the society underground cannot last, and Ophelia’s son Simon must establish a bond with “homo superior, the children of the dust” so that technological knowledge is not lost forever. Lawrence is a powerful writer who skillfuly conveys the horrors of war and the small things that can break the spirit. However, it is difficult to portray effectively a long-term reaction to atomic destruction. The massive evolutionary changes which she projects occuring in just one generation stretch readers’ credulity. Jean E. Karl’s Strange Tomorrow (Dutton, 1985) is more believable; Robert Swindells’ Brother in the Land (Holiday, 1985) has more depth of feeling. This is interesting, but not the best in a mushrooming field of apocalyptic science fiction.

That sounds enough like the description from Better Geek that I think it has to be the book.

Thanks,
J

Dear J,

The vast majority of readers agreed with you; Children of the Dust was suggested seven times more often than all the other suggestions combined, so let’s skip the list and assume that’s the one.

For future book questions, readers recommended:
Searching www.allsearch.com/booksearch for titles you can’t remember
www.abebooks.com’s Book Sleuth forum*
“Stump the Bookseller!” at www.logan.com/loganberry/stump.html*

Suggestions I got more than once are, as always, asterisked.

Dear Sars,

How do you deal with insensitive friends, particularly when they don’t mean any harm?

I’m finishing up a divorce and starting my life over. It’s hard, I’m depressed, and even the smallest task is a challenge. My friends have been simply amazing. Free places to stay, shoulders to cry on, hugs and rides to Target. However, as I’m the only divorcee in my group of friends, no one has any idea of what’s even remotely appropriate to say to me.

Example: I was feeling really down about being a loser and potentially dying alone in a fridge under the highway, with my decomposed body not to be discovered until a month later. (I try to limit my wallowing, but sometimes it comes out of nowhere.) A friend said, “You just aren’t cut out for marriage. It’s not your fault, it’s in your genes.” Yeeesh. Way to make me feel like a loser.

Another example: I went out for dinner with a friend and her boyfriend. They spent the evening pretty much pawing and licking each other. I mentioned that it was making me uncomfortable. My friend pointed out that she was always the single one, and now it was “her turn” to have someone and that “my turn” was over. (Note: the ex and I were NEVER nauseating in public, but that’s beside the point. The gloating is what bugs me.)

I get this stuff at least once a week, and I’ve mostly been responding with cheery sarcasm and a subject change. But I’m really tired of going home depressed because nobody gets it, and everybody says appalling things that make me feel bad about myself. Is there any way for me to be less sensitive, even though emotions are running pretty high for me right now? Or is it worthwhile to tell my friends to think before they speak?

If You Need Me, I’ll Be Living in a Fridge Under the Interstate

Dear Fridge,

It’s hard for me to say where the line is here.Based on what you’ve told me, your friends are…rude.I mean, you’ve made it plain that you find the PDA inappropriate and that it makes you uncomfortable; regardless of your marital status, that kind of thing is a bit immature and should be stopped if someone has expressed discomfort with it.And a comment like “you just aren’t cut out for marriage” is, in my opinion, too blunt; it would be one thing if you agreed with the sentiment, but it obviously hurt your feelings, which means your friends don’t read you very well.

But on the other hand, the living-in-a-fridge business seems a little melodramatic to me — okay, you might die alone, but 1) everyone dies alone, if you think about it, and 2) the fact that your romantic life isn’t working out right now doesn’t really correlate to homelessness.Sure, you’ve earned some wallowing, but if your friends are behaving this inappropriately, on this regular a basis?You say you “get this stuff at least once a week” — which I have to say I don’t quite understand.Either your friends really aren’t compassionate people, at all, or…the fridge-under-the-interstate attitude is starting to wear on them, to the point where they’re deliberately saying nasty things to get you to snap out of it.

I can’t really tell which it is.A divorce is a tough thing to go through, no doubt, but the fact that “nobody gets it” may be a function of the sense on your friends’ part that this issue is always the focus when you’re around.Now, whether they’re right to feel that way, again, I don’t know — but if you want your friends to act more sympathetically, you need to tell them straight out that you don’t appreciate the unvarnished comments or the PDA, and if they elect not to change the behavior, maybe it’s time to make a fresh start in the friend department as well.

But if it’s every single one of your friends…maybe that’s something to think about.Maybe it’s time to talk to a counselor about these feelings of hopelessness and sadness, and get some help coming to terms with the decision.You should feel secure in the choices you’ve made, at the very least, and I think a major part of the problem here is the fact that you feel judged and like you’ve failed, and if you can get past that, a lot of this stuff with your friends will either fall into place or stop mattering to you.Just something to consider.

Hey Sars,

Silly question here: my recently-cohabitating
boyfriend and I have plans to attend a wedding, which he was invited
to by a college buddy, in about a month. We RSVPed, and he recently
(as in yesterday) got an email from the bride informing him that she
meant to only invite him, as in order to save her parents some money
she wasn’t going to allow her high-school/college friends to bring
guests. She added a caveat that he could bring a serious date — wife,
fiance, serious girlfriend (we’ll have been dating for a year the week
after the wedding, and as I mentioned we just moved in together, so we
do fall into the “serious” category) — but seemed a little hesitant and
kept pushing the money-saving issue.

My boyfriend’s left the decision on whether to take the “I GUESS you
CAN bring a date IF…” offer up to me, so my question is this: am I
horrible if I go? I’ve been looking forward to going for a while now,
but this is the third wedding we’ll have been to this summer, so it’s
not like I’m lacking in the other people’s nuptials department. Still;
I was looking forward to dressing up for the (uberformal) reception,
which is being held in a really ritzy hotel in the city we all live in.
I realize it’s her wedding and in the grand scheme of things my wishes
aren’t terribly important in this matter, so would it be horribly
selfish of me if I insist on going, as originally planned?

Thanks,
Also Looking Forward To The Open Bar

Dear Bar,

This is really your boyfriend’s bad, kind of, because if the invitation didn’t say “and guest,” he shouldn’t have assumed you were included — but the bottom line is that, well, you weren’t included.The bride only offered to let your boyfriend bring you because she’s been put in an awkward position, but she made it pretty clear that it’s an imposition, and if it were me, and I knew the substance of that conversation, I wouldn’t want anything to do with it.

Again, this isn’t really anyone’s fault; your boyfriend didn’t know better, and it’s certainly not on you here, but…there was a whole conversation about how it would basically be better if you didn’t come, and it doesn’t sound to me like you even know the bride socially.Do you really still want to go, knowing that it was enough of an issue that the bride had to correct your boyfriend on it?Can’t you dress up on your own and go for a cocktail at the hotel bar some other time?

You’ll do as you like; I don’t think it’s a gigantic deal, and honestly, with everything else going on that day, nobody’s really going to notice unless you get horribly drunk and make an ass of yourself.You won’t go to hell for showing up, certainly.But if the bride has hinted as strongly as she is able that your attendance is not part of the plan, perhaps taking said hint is the thing to do.

[9/5/06]

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