Sars:

I’m a somewhat regular bike commuter to my new job and the trick I’ve discovered is to simply bike in with my hair wet.That way, since I don’t have access to a shower, I can take off the helmet, brush my hair and do whatever I want with it.It eliminates the helmet hair and keeps me cooler on the ride to boot.

K

Other suggestions for avoiding helmet head appear below; if I got it more than once, it’s asterisked.

Wear a bandanna or do-rag underneath to circumvent strap/helmet-innards marks*
Braid it up, put the helmet on over, and let the braids out upon arrival — voila, wavy hairstyle (also works with a bun or pinned twists)*
Keep an arsenal of hair accessories in your bag/pack at all times
Make sure your hair is clean, because its “memory” is shorter then
Put your hair up in a bun or twist when you get to work
The Buff: www.buffusa.com
Fabric-covered scrunchies to avoid ponytail dents

Dear Sars,

I’m about to enter my senior year of college and I’m sick to death of college guys. Many of the guys don’t want to grow up yet, and don’t seem to be getting ready for inevitable. As many of the questions that come to you, this involves a guy, but with a very sticky work situation.

I’m currently working for mid-size insurance company, in which I am the intern for two departments, both of which work very closely for the CEO. My boss and the CEO go way back, and were friends before they were who they are now. Likewise, my dad is an executive vice president, so people that I work for also work with my father. Basically, my actions could reflect either poorly or positively on my dad’s reputation. The good interns are never remembered. The bad ones are infamously immortalized. I wouldn’t like to be number two.

I know this is confusing, but follow me here.

I’m seriously crushing on a new guy, who is about four years older than me, single, nice, cute, and has an Australian accent which only helps matters. Aaaaaand he’s the CEO executive assistant which means potentially hands-off in a very big way. I’ve already worked on projects with him in the few short weeks I’ve been here, and will probably have to work with him more in the future. This whole “office romance” is something completely foreign to me, since I’ve never been in this situation before.

So basically, it’s all really complicated so here is the summary — my boss is buds with CEO dude, I like CEO dude’s right hand man. I don’t want to lose my internship, nor make my dad look bad. My dad works with my boss plenty, who works with right hand guy who works for CEO dude. The complications of all these interpersonal relationships make MY head swim, much less yours. So the question –- what the hell am I supposed to do? Say something, or just let it die.

Thanks,
Aussie accents make me weak in the knees

Dear Don’t Think With Your Knees,

You are “supposed to” do nothing.Romantic relationships at work aren’t frowned upon for no reason, and the cons of getting involved with the Aussie far outweigh the pros, in my opinion.

Sometimes these things do work out, but sometimes they don’t, in a soap-operatic way, and given that an affair with this guy could jeopardize not just your father’s standing but your own future job prospects, I’d confine it to a crush — one not acted upon or acknowledged — and look for prospective boyfriends elsewhere.

Sars —

Four years ago I got my dream job. I was working with a team of intelligent, creative and inspiring women (and a few great guys to boot). I developed a solid reputation in the field and received consistent support and feedback from my direct boss and her boss (who hired me). I loved my job and became so good at certain parts of it, my bosses created a new position tailored to my strengths. Fast forward to last year — my boss’ boss retired. She swore up and down nothing would change, that the system was such that our jobs would remain the same, perhaps with some minor tweaking.

Enter NewBoss — the antithesis of my previous bosses. Six months after her appearance, my boss was basically forced out and now NewBoss is my only boss. I now loathe the job I used to adore. After my first meeting with NewBoss, she called me insubordinate, accused me of posturing, and basically told me I wouldn’t amount to anything. Imagine my stunned silence. Every step I take is a misstep. NewBoss moved me from one team to another, telling me she needed my skills to fill a gap. Fine. I do what I think is best and you would have thought I suggested feeding arsenic to puppies. Those traits that earned me my reputation and positive feedback from my bosses and clients now result in scathing emails from my NewBoss. I’ve actually talked to my union rep for the first time in my entire professional life and was told, basically, to deal with it. This is how NewBoss operates. My husband, my usual source of logical, rational advice, keeps telling me to play the game. Apologize, genuflect, and don’t worry about it, this is why the real world operates. I have projects that I don’t want to abandon and it’s not financially feasible for me to throw in the towel.

To make things even more enjoyable, NewBoss insists on talking about her children and her family with me, usually when she sees me after sending an email that critiques a recent decision I’d made. These mixed messages arrive in my brain (a happily childless, semi-anti-social brain) as her way of telling me she still wants me to like her as a person. Either that, or she’s just Sybillish. If I’m really doing things wrong, I’m absolutely willing to change. It doesn’t make sense to operate ineffectively or inefficiently.

My problem — how do I resolve this dissonance between the messages from NewBoss and those of my previous bosses? How do I have a conversation with this woman to find out what’s really going on without making things worse?

Sincerely,
An apparently insubordinate know-nothing

Dear Insub,

Actually, I think you…don’t.If nobody else besides NewBoss has a complaint with the way you work — if clients aren’t bitching, if NewBoss’s superiors haven’t said anything to you — and if NewBoss isn’t either inclined to or in a position to shitcan you for these shortcomings, then the problem isn’t you, it’s her.You can “listen” to her tell you all the things you’ve done wrong (read: make a shopping list in your head while nodding and looking somber), and you can lay some shit on her about working together productively and “thanks for the feedback, this has been helpful,” blah blah…but beyond that?Fuck it.She’s not really looking to improve your performance, and it seems like she can’t get you fired or she would have done it already, so resolving the dissonance is unnecessary.Do the minimum required to get her off your back, and beyond that, ignore her.

You can’t always resolve these things; sometimes people just don’t work well together, or are assholes.I suppose you could ask for a meeting, and talk to her about getting on the same page more, but if she were the kind of boss who would be responsive to that, you wouldn’t be having to deal with this schizo management style where every conversation is a power play.She’ll probably just get defensive and hit you with even more accusations.

I don’t entirely agree with your husband about this being “the game”; most organizations do have some institutional bullshit you have to put up with, true, but this is more of a personality conflict.With that said, if you’re doing your best work, if clients don’t have a problem with you, and if NewBoss isn’t going to get rid of you, just keep your head down, do the job, and let her do whatever insecure thing she’s doing without engaging it too much.

I would document your meetings with her and her comments to you, in case she’s setting you up in some way.I assume your meeting with your union rep involved documentation of that sort, but if you haven’t already, start making notes of these things, in case.Protect yourself.But don’t try to “fix” this; it’s not something you can fix, really.

[9/20/06]

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