I am the whitest whitey that ever whited, and I usually just mix a sunless tanner made for light complexions with my usual face lotion.That gives me some color without making me look orange, and it’s pretty easy on my skin.I really like the L’Oreal sunless tanners, but I think anything would work.

LD

Dear LD,

Thanks!Other suggestions appear below; if I got it more than once, it’s asterisked.

Murad
Oil of Olay’s Touch of Sun*
Aveda’s Sun Source
Bare Escentuals All Over Face Color
Clinique’s True Bronze
L’Oreal Sublime Glow*
Clinique Self-Sun Body Quick Bronze Self-Tanner Mousse (not the wieldiest product name ever, is it?hee)
Origins Sunny Disposition
Jergens Natural Glow*
Bath and Body Works’ True Blue Spa line
Rimmel bronzer
Mystic Tan
Neutrogena Micromist
Clarins sunless tanners*
Neutrogena Summer Glow
www.sunless.com for suggestions

A couple of years ago you linked to NaNoWriMo, the organization that assists and encourages writers to pen a fifty-thousand-word novel in thirty days.I had never written any work of fiction close to that length, but I joined, and won.

I’ve participated in NaNoWriMo for two years now, and I’ve loved it.I love the feeling of productivity that I’ve felt for the past two Novembers, but I have had trouble replicating that productivity the other eleven months of the year.I’ve been looking for a writers’ group, but I’ve been having a hell of a tough time finding a group that I feel comfortable with.

For starters, most writers’ groups I’ve found are genre-oriented.I don’t write fantasy, or sci-fi, or chicklit, or children’s lit, or romance, which eliminates 90 percent of local writers’ groups.I don’t write about elves or spaceships, and I have trouble relating to writers who do.I’m also not looking for a traditional critique group.I’d prefer a group to share ideas for novels, assist in language and usage issues, and generally motivate the whole writing ordeal.

I thought about forming my own writers’ group.It wouldn’t be complicated; I have a friend who owns a coffee shop, and I’m fairly competent at marketing, but I worry about who would show up.If a dozen hobbitphiles show up for the first meeting, I really wouldn’t know what to do.It’s not that I have anything against fantasy writing, it’s just that I would prefer to journey with like-minded writers.

I know that you prefer writing non-fiction, which must have been an anomaly in the Princeton Creative Writing department, so I was hoping you could offer advice.How do I find writers on the same page?

Groupless

Dear Groupless,

Congratulations on winning NaNoWriMo!

If you’d rather not bother starting your own group, you might have better luck finding similar-minded writers online; you could try Googling “writer support non-genre fiction” or something like that and see what comes up.

If you do choose to start your own group, I don’t see any reason why you can’t advertise it the way you’ve described it to me in your third paragraph — or why you can’t ask for writing samples ahead of time to see if the writers you attract are a good fit with what you have in mind.Post something on Craigslist, or put up a flyer in your friend’s cafe, and make it clear that you’re looking for certain kinds of writers and certain types of discussion.It’s your group; if someone isn’t right for it, you’re not obligated to include him/her.

I actually wrote in the poetry “division” in college (Princeton’s creative writing program didn’t offer a non-fiction option), but regardless of what I was working on — poems, a humor piece for the alternative paper, whatever — I myself found it more useful to identify one person who got my work, even if their work was very different, and bounce things off that person.Writers’ groups serve the same function for some people, but if you’re the planner, you might find that the administrative aspect is getting in the way of your work.If that’s the case, but you’ve met a few like-minded souls at the group, you could disband it and work with them one-on-one going forward — or use the group for some writing things and a “muse” or writing advisor for others.

It’s not really a one-size-fits-all deal; you can make it your own.

Dear Sars,

My wife and I are having a problem with her mother. (Yes, a mother-in-law
[MIL] problem, but nothing Jackie Mason prepared me for.) We see my wife’s
parents for a weekly dinner, and in the last few months, MIL has started
talking with her mouth full. To the tune of actually shoveling food into her
mouth mid-sentence and talking with so much crammed in there that her words
are obscured, every single time we eat with her.

It’s gotten so bad that I can’t actually look in MIL’s direction during the
meal. My wife commented that she’s started feeling really on edge during
these dinner visits, and she thinks it’s due to said talking/chewing.She
contends that she could never tell MIL about this problem, because MIL would
just get hurt/angry/defensive. Her only idea is to tell her dad and hope
that dad talks to MIL, but we’re not convinced that’s a great idea.

I know it’s nowhere near my place to say anything, and furthermore, I really
appreciate the effort MIL goes to in making us a nice dinner and having us
over. But as well as the awkwardness we’re suffering, I’m also worried about
what’s happening nowadays when MIL sees her friends for dinner or is eating
at a wedding or other event (which happens a lot, as MIL has a huge social
network). I would hate to think that MIL’s friends are starting to feel as
awkward and grossed out as we are, without MIL knowing.

What do you think?

Multitasking Is Great, but This Is Ridiculous

Dear Ridic,

I don’t think mentioning it to your wife’s father is the worst idea; maybe there’s some…medical reason?That she’s started doing this?If she’s always talked through a mouthful of food, I’d have a slightly different take on it, but if it’s recent, there might be a cause and you just don’t know about it.

If it’s just something she’s started doing for no apparent reason, though, it’s time to try some gentle correction.”Could you repeat that?I couldn’t understand what you were saying because you were chewing.”Lather, rinse, repeat.Keep pointing out that this habit makes it impossible to understand her.Leave the “ew” part out of it and focus on the practical side.

If that doesn’t have the desired effect, you have two choices: you can start getting more pointed with the mentions (“Forgive me, MIL, but when you talk and eat at the same time, it’s really distracting and makes me uncomfortable”); or you can start finding ways to socialize with your in-laws that don’t involve food.Go over there earlier in the day, and stick to coffee; invite them to a movie or to go for a walk or something, some activity where either there’s eating with no talking or there’s talking with no eating.

But it’s kind of icky and she should really know better, so maybe the best way to go is to say something to your FIL and see if he can’t handle it for you.

[10/18/06]

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