I coach colorguard myself, so I know how hard it is to find music that
works.I have two suggestions. Check out some of Trans-Siberian
Orchestra’s non-Christmas stuff.They have some classical medlies that are
pretty awesome.Personally, I’ve always wanted to write a show to “Vienna”
but it’s not long enough for Sound of Silence and the mood doesn’t fit,
either.

My other suggestion would be to check out movie soundtracks.Is there a
scene with the White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia that has suitable
music?Is there another movie that has appropriate music?For the cold,
icy mood, I’d check out horror and suspense movies.

Hope this helps!

I’ve Been In This Boat Before, And It’s Not Fun

Dear Boat,

Thanks the suggestions — I know there’s a remix of Darth Vader’s Imperial theme out there that comes in at around five minutes, but I forgot to mention it in my original response.

Other readers also suggested checking out the Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack; various other ideas appear below.If I got them more than once, they’re asterisked, as always.

Metallica, “The Call of the Ktulu”
“O Fortuna” from Carl Orff’s “Carmina Burana”
“Dies Irae” from Verdi’s “Requiem”
Moby, “God Moving Over the Face of the Water”
Talvin Singh, “Traveller (Kid Loco’s Once Upon A Time In The East Mix)”
The Doors/Albinoni, “Adagio for Strings in G minor”
Philip Glass, “Cloudscape” or “Prophecies”
Michael Nyman, “The Processional” (from the The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover soundtrack)
Trans-Siberian Orchestra, “Wizards in Winter”*
The first “Celtic Christmas” CD
Mogwai, “Hunted by a Freak”
Spirited Away soundtrack, “Yubaba”
Stravinsky, “L’histoire du soldat”
Passengers, Original Soundtracks 1
Blast, “Medea”
Bjork, “Pagan Poetry”
Judas Priest, “Heads Are Gonna Roll” or “Out in the Cold”
AC/DC, “Hell’s Bells”
The Edward Scissorhands soundtrack*
Lord of the Rings soundtrack
Harry Potter soundtrack
Tomas Andersson, “Washing Up (Tiga Remix)”
Drama Society feat. Turner, “Crying Hero (Tiga Remix)”
Pink Floyd, “One of These Days”
Gilbert and Sullivan’s Iolanthe, “Entrance and March of the Peers”

Thomas Newman
Bond
Sigur Ros
Prokofiev
Khachaturian
Thievery Corporation
Hotel Costes
Art of Noise*
EBN
Man or Astroman
Loreena McKennit
Jesse Cook
Enya
Sissel Kyrkjebo

Dear Sars,

I am in the midst of writing thank-you notes for gifts received for my recent wedding.One gift (cash) was from my cousin and his wife.However, just yesterday I was told that my cousin has moved out and they are getting a divorce.What do I do?Do I send one note addressed to both of them, separate notes to each, or none at all?(I don’t want to be the wedding lemon juice in their wedding papercut, if you know what I mean.)Thanks for any help you can give.

Wish I Would Have Mailed These Damn Things Last Week

Dear Wish,

You can’t blow off the note, but sending a joint note is probably not the thing to do here, either.I would get their respective addresses and send two separate notes; you can assume that they gave the gift jointly, and therefore should both be acknowledged, but you don’t have to acknowledge them jointly under the circumstances.

Hi Sars!

I am 34 years old and happily married.My childhood was pretty rotten but after years of therapy I seem to be able to establish and maintain healthy (enough!) relationships.My mom played a pretty significant role in the abuse and neglect of my formative years, but as an adult we have established a friendship, although for my sanity I live several states away from her and we only visit a few times a year.

Mom has been married and divorced four times and has children from each marriage.After her last divorce she started dating the landscaper, “Mike,” who is married to his wife “Martha” for over 30 years.In addition to being married, Mike introduced my 55+ mother to pot which she has been recreationally enjoying on an almost daily basis.After five years of dating, Mike is divorcing Martha and Mom is looking forward to Marriage #5 within the next year.That is all fine and dandy, nothing I can do and it is not my life.Needless to say, I don’t approve of Mike’s actions and I think it is indicative of the type of man he is, but my mother is in her late 50s and it’s not like she is naive.I want my mother to be happy and for some reason Mike seems to fit the bill.

Finally, the issue.My mother has visited me and Spouse every year for the last five years.She both comes alone or with a younger sibling and has always been welcome to stay in my home.My house has a spare bedroom and a pull-out sofa so space isn’t the issue. This year, however, my mother would like to bring Mike in order to introduce him to me.Mom has assumed that she and Mike will stay in our spare room and has not even asked about the accommodations, just started planning the trip.The problem is, neither Spouse nor I feel comfortable with this at all.Also, the three times a year Spouse and I travel to see Mom we always stay in a nearby hotel.To be fair, it is expensive staying in a hotel in my area while Mom’s area is very inexpensive and I am in a much more comfortable financial position than my mom.

Sars, I love my mom and have never lost that little-kid need to make her happy, but I really feel uncomfortable with this new man staying in my home, especially having never met him.The other side of me thinks that if my mom loves and accepts him, I should as well.It isn’t as though I feel he is going to harm me or damage my home, it is simply a comfort issue.

What are your thoughts?How do I tell Mom that she needs to stay in a hotel with Mike without hurting her feelings?Should I offer to pay for the hotel since I am the one changing our normal yearly visit routine?Should I just accept the man in her life and let them stay for a long weekend?

Sincerely,
Why can’t I ever be the kid?

Dear Kid,

Tell your mom — soon, before she makes plans she can’t change without a cancellation penalty — that you’re sorry, but she won’t be able to stay with you.Resist the urge to explain why or to make up excuses; just say in a pleasant tone that it just won’t be possible, you’re very sorry.

It’s your home; Mike isn’t someone you know at all, really.I think you’re perfectly within your rights to want to keep some distance here, and you aren’t really required to explain that to anyone, even to your mom, who based on what you’ve told me seems perhaps a bit dense as far as what is appropriate, the realities of emotional situations, et cetera.

If you can afford it and if it will smooth things over, offer to treat her and Mike to a hotel near your home.But if you don’t want them staying with you, don’t have them stay with you, and don’t back down.I can see why she might have assumed they could…you know, assume, but she really shouldn’t have.

[10/25/06]

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