Hello Expert!

Can you tell me why, oh why, my popovers do not pop? I’ve tried starting them in a cold oven, and a hot oven. I’ve tried heating up the pan first, I’ve tried using eggs and milk at room temperature and they still insist on lying there, with all the liveliness of dead frogs. What will make them sit up and say “Howdy!”?

Ruth in Canada

Dear Ruth,

Because I believe that the more you understand about the whys and wherefores about cooking, the better cook you will become, let me briefly act as Science Officer on the U.S.S. Popovers of Perfection and explain what exactly it is that makes popovers “pop.”

The leavening (“pop”) in popovers comes from the steam released from the liquid ingredients — in this case, the eggs, the melted butter, and the milk are the liquid ingredients — when they reach their boiling point.In this way, popovers are very much like pâte à choux — the pastry dough used to make éclairs, cream puffs, and beignets — which also gets its height from a hot oven, combined with the steam from the liquid ingredients (again, butter, eggs, and milk) that forces apart the walls of the starch (flour) in the recipe.

How You Feeling? Hot! Hot! Hot!

Everyone’s oven is different and your own oven can have hot and cold spots. For precision’s sake, buy two hanging oven thermometers and test out the temperatures in all areas of your oven. This will help you locate the hot and cold spots, and it will also tell you if your oven is actually heating to the temperature it claims to be.

The popovers are going to bake in a preheated oven of 450 º for the first twenty minutes. This high temperature is crucial to make and hold that initial “pop.” I know you’re curious and impatient and dying to know how the popovers are making out, but you must resist opening the oven to check on them at least for those first twenty minutes. Turn on the oven light to monitor their progress, practice meditation techniques, or tie yourself down, but for goodness sake, DON’T OPEN THE OVEN! Once those twenty minutes are up, reduce the temperature to 350 º for fifteen to twenty minutes to get a lovely moist interior texture with a crisp, golden brown exterior.

My final suggestion for Popovers of Perfection is to preheat your pans (muffin tins really seem to work the best, so don’t feel the need to run out to spend great wadges of cash on specialized pans) in the 450 º oven while you make the batter. Once the batter is made — don’t chill it, keep it at room temperature, or if you’ve made it no more than four days ahead, bring it fully to room temperature — pull out the pans and lightly grease them with vegetable oil spray. Don’t overdo the PAM, though, because excessive saturation will entice the popovers to slouch in their cups and nothing short of Viagra will get them up again. Pour your room temperature batter into the hot pans, filling up the cups only halfway, and put the pans back into the 450 º oven. Again, leave them strictly alone for twenty minutes, then lower the heat to 350 º for fifteen to twenty minutes, after which your popovers should be a rich, burnished brown, and fully “popped.”

Now that you’ve got the science, we can turn to the actual recipe. Whenever you bake anything, precision in your measurements, ratios, and temperatures is of the utmost importance. For this particular recipe, it is key that you use two extra-large eggs to 1 C. whole milk and 1 C. all-purpose flour. And when I say “extra-large,” I mean “extra-large.” I don’t mean “medium,” “large,” “jumbo,” or “so impossibly mammoth a dinosaur clearly laid them.”

All Together Now

My ideal recipe* is:

1 C. all-purpose flour

1/4 tsp. salt

2 extra-large eggs

1 tbs. unsalted butter, melted

1 C. whole milk

Vegetable spray for the tins

1. With the oven rack on the lowest rung, preheat oven to 450 º. Put empty tins in oven.

2. Combine dry ingredients in one bowl.

3. In a separate bowl, whisk wet ingredients together.

4. Pour wet ingredients into dry and whisk until combined.

5. Pull pans from oven, lightly grease, and fill cups halfway with batter.

6. Bake at 450 º for twenty minutes. Lower heat to 350 º for an additional fifteen to twenty minutes. Serve warm.

Yield: one dozen popovers

*Popover recipe from The Best Recipe, by the editors of Cook’s Illustrated Magazine.

Dear Sars,

My husband and I are cat people, as is our mutual best friend.We love cats, but there are a couple of disturbing problems with her and her three cats, and we don’t know how to broach the subject politely.The first problem is common — cat hair everywhere!!She keeps an otherwise immactulate house, but for some reason she doesn’t vacuum her sofa.I know how difficult cat hair can be, but we try to keep ours under control.It’s just embarrassing if you wear black to her house, after you sit on the couch, you will literally be covered with cat hair all down the back.

The other problem is a little more serious.All three of her cats are pretty old.They drool…a LOT.They also seem very thin and scraggly, like she never brushes them.I bought her a brush that my cat loves (the only one he’ll use, it’s very soft), and she didn’t take the hint.It’s been my experience that poor grooming is a sign of poor health, and I’ve gently suggested they could use a check-up.The problem, she just says it’s nothing.What can I do?

Concerned Cat Lover

Dear CCL,

To prevent adding a coat of cat hair to your outfit, either ask your friend if she has a towel you might sit on, or start packing a portable lint roller in your bag (dry cleaners sell very teeny ones that will tuck right into a pocket of your purse).

As for the cats’ overall health, if you’ve asked after their health and she says it’s fine, you can’t really do anything else.It is entirely possible that it’s really nothing.The Hobe hurls more than most cats, for example, but for him, that’s normal — and you can’t really force her to take them to the vet.Keep an eye on them, but leave it alone.

Dear Sars —

I’ve been in a play-by-email RPG since March. The other girls in the RPG
are all very nice, and I like roleplaying with them a lot, but there is one
problem.

They spell like three-year-olds. (And some of them are older than me and out
of college, which is what’s scary.)

Although I’ve gotten good at translating their posts, I’m tired of
remembering that in their minds “mistress” means “mysterious,” and so forth.
I don’t want to offend them, which is why I’ve waited so damn long, but
sometimes I really want to blast every single one of them with an editorial
diatribe.

Is there a polite way to tell someone that their spelling really sucks?

Thank you.

The Phantom Proofreader

Dear Phantom,

Not really.You could try telling them as gently as you can manage that, because their spelling is so confusing, you have a hard time understanding what they mean a lot of the time.

Or you could go the passive-aggressive route and feign not knowing what, say, “mistress” means in context — just shoot back a “???” and, when they respond with an explanation, say something like, “Ohhh, you mean MYSTERIOUS,” and hope they get the hint.

But past a certain age, bad spellers are often hint-proof.You just have to translate as best you can.

Yo.

I read one of your older articles that dealt with anorexia on a fairly general level — you noted that a lot of celebrities have it, a lot of your former classmates had it, and that it’s not pretty, fun, or healthy.I study psychiatry, so I’m not going to quibble about DSM-IV definitions, but I think that I probably have some sort of eating disorder resembling anorexia. Or at least, this is what my former primary-care nurse said, and what some ED specialist I talked to on the phone said. I know that the usual and obvious response to this is to get a therapist.In my town, there is only one therapist who is known to deal competently with eating disorders, and I am on her wait-list.

In the meantime, things are getting pretty scary.I hate food; I hate eating; I hate my body.I hate the way food makes me lose control over myself.I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this; I’ve recently moved to a new town, and all of my friends are 1500 miles away.Also, a lot of them have had eating disorders of their own at a more normal age, and don’t want to talk about it or listen to me talk about it.

So the question is vague: what am I supposed to do?I’m not in physical danger, so I don’t think a hospital is appropriate; besides, they cost thousands of dollars, and I have a cat to take care of and four classes to teach.You’ve seen EDs.What should I do in the meantime before I can see this therapist to get RID of this?I would go into another long rant about how much I hate eating and food here, but I’ve already done it…

I just don’t know what to do.And, to top it off, I have fairly large bones, so despite the fact that I dropped thirty pounds in a month and a half, I’m STILL not thin!So I get a lot of reinforcement of, “Oh, you look good” from passers-by, co-workers, students, et cetera.

Not Thin, But Still Diseased

Dear Not Thin,

You seem to want help; that’s a big step here.What you do until you can get that help on a professional basis depends on how long the wait-list is — does the therapist expect to take you within a month or two?Because I would advise going to a different counselor in the meantime, or finding a group or a hotline in the Yellow Pages; if she’s got a six-month wait, that’s not going to work.

And I’d also tell you the same thing I’ve told other Vine folk dealing with EDs or panic attacks or depression, which is just to do the best you can one day at a time.Focus on doing what’s best for your body long-term — eating healthily, building muscle mass and not fat, getting exercise.I know you don’t want to eat, but do the best you can, and if you have a day where you can’t bring yourself to eat even a baby carrot, well, that’s that one day and you’ll get past it.Take vitamins, drink Ensure, and try to maintain until you can get in to see a therapist.

I think you have some self-esteem issues, and I think the recent move probably brought them to the fore in this form; eating disorders are about control and about sublimating the things that scare you and infuriate you into a rigid diet.It happens; don’t beat yourself up, and try to find a professional who can help you sooner rather than later.

Sars,

Here is my situation.Not too long ago, I moved in with A.She bought a
house and was looking for someone to rent the third floor.I am in grad
school and have less than a year to finish, so I am not looking for a
permanent residence.It seemed like a good idea all around.

She is also an ex-girlfriend, several times removed.

The day of settlement, friends of ours come over, and B brings someone not
of our suburban tribe, C.C and I chat, flirt, et cetera…just enjoying
ourselves.Everyone in the equation is single.Not a problem, right?

A week or so later, I am hanging out with C and she tells me that A has
been grilling B, asking if I have been in contact with C.It is unfair
to put B in that situation, but that is beside my quandary.I’m also
trying to put aside thoughts that she is acting jealous, but it is a thought
that keeps coming back.Why else would she not ask me if she wanted to
know?

We consider each other good friends (she has called me repeatedly her best
friend) and I am a bit upset that she couldn’t ask me directly about this.

Do you think I should I confront A about this?

Alphabetically,
A-B-C my problem?

Dear Yes,

Oy.B can take care of herself (or himself, whatever), and if she doesn’t want to hear it from A, she can tell A to take it up with you directly.So, I think you should keep mum and not reward the behavior with any more drama — and that includes either B or C reporting the drama to you.Tell them to tell A to talk to you if she’s got a problem.

She is acting jealous, but if you confront her, she’ll probably deny it, and you’ll feel guilty and then resent her — don’t bother.If A wants, or wants to know, something, she’s a home-owning adult; let her ask.

[11/20/03]

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