Dear Mr. Bunting,

What would you do with a windfall right now?

I recently got some money from a relative’s life insurance policy. I
don’t have any debts other than my mortgage, which is at a fairly
competitive rate. What would you recommend? Should I pay the mortgage
down or do something else with the money?

Thanks,
We Should All Have Such Problems

Dear All,

By all means, don’t pay the mortgage off; interest rates can only go up from
here.I would use a windfall as follows: 1. Treat yourself and friends to a
night on the town, 2. send some money to a worthy cause, 3. invest a little
in the stock market for your retirement — exchange-traded funds like SPDRs
(stock symbol SPY) give you broad market exposure, with far less cost than a
mutual fund.

DGB

You seem to have some experience in the employment department, so I am
hoping you can pitch some advice my way; I will do my best to be brief.

Over the past three years, my job has grown considerably. I have had to
attend special certification trainings and learn literally hundreds of new
tasks to keep up with my expanding role. By all accounts, I have done a very
good job and the people that I work with like me…blah, blah. In the past
two years, eight of my colleagues have left the company or were laid off, and
I have absorbed their jobs — literally every task that each one did. Last
year, we were not given any bonuses or pay increases, due to the sluggish
economy, but I decided to hang in there and hope that it would eventually
pay off.

Seven months ago, I met with my manager to discuss a pay raise and a
promotion. She agreed that I was deserving and she put the wheels in motion.
Unfortunately, the process was delayed once it reached the senior staff as
they tried to decide what was fair compensation for my job, since it is very
specialized and doesn’t fit any standard categories. Two weeks ago, they
made their final decision. I was given a $1,000 per year raise (roughly 50
cents per hour) that was retroactive for ONE WEEK.

My manager was very
upset, because she had approved for a raise for seven times that amount
(plus she requested that it be retroactive to when she initiated the request
seven months ago), which still is bordering on being “fair compensation.” I
told her that I truly appreciated all of her effort, but I agreed that
$1,000 was not a fair amount — especially since the company is in the best
financial shape that it has been in years and all of the execs took
multi-million dollar bonuses and pay increases this year. She agreed, and we
went to our Human Resources department to find out where we go from here;
they basically told us that there wasn’t much we could do.

I know that it sounds horribly selfish, but I am very offended that I would
only be given a fraction of the raise that I feel I deserve. Not one of the
people who left the company made less than twice my salary — and yet I only
get $1,000 compensation in TWO YEARS for taking on all of their special
projects. I really would like to pack up my desk and disappear…but
unfortunately, I can’t afford to up and quit.

I have sent out resumes and such and gotten some lukewarm responses, so now
I am feeling more depressed than ever. What should I do? Should I stick it
out in this misery and be a “good corporate citizen” and give them two weeks
notice and all that jazz, just to pay the bills? Or should I stick it to
them and walk out and hope that Taco Bell is hiring?

Please, great Sars, lend me your words of wisdom.

Yo Quiero Compensation

Dear Comp,

Hold onto the job until you find something else.The current economy isn’t one that rewards the grand gesture; it’s tempting to stomp out, and after the company has basically taken advantage of your good nature and then “rewarded” you insultingly, I don’t blame you for wanting to.But don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.

Give yourself an end date whether you have a new job or not — say, sixty days — and leave.Don’t burn bridges; get your references in order and do it right.And tell yourself that, the next time you find yourself in the position of picking up eight times your normal workload, you’ll either ask for better money sooner or refuse some of the duties.Companies treat their employees that way because they can, but if they can’t pay for the work, it shouldn’t get done, not by you.

Hey Sars,

My husband and I are friends with another couple. Let’s call them “Greg” and
“Jeannine.”Lately Jeannine has been confiding in me about her suspicion that
Greg is cheating on her.I want to be there for Jeannine, because none of
her family is in the U.S. and I am her only friend in this city (plus I just
like her), but that doesn’t mean that I’m ready to write Greg off or tell
Jeannine to leave him without knowing his side of the story.

Greg overheard us talking one day, and ever since then he’s been acting
shifty around me.Jeannine says he’s uncomfortable because he thinks I
think he’s scum (not true).He may have done a stupid thing and I will
understand if Jeannine doesn’t want to stay with him, but my husband and I
like being friends with both of them and it’s not in our interest for them
to split up.

Anyway, at this point she still loves him and they are trying
to work things out.But Greg is jealous of any time Jeannine and I spend
alone together because he thinks we’re whispering about him.I’d like to
put a stop to all this.Should I just come out and say something to Greg
(if so, what can I say that’s not totally indiscreet?), or should I just
keep on being my friendly nonjudgmental self and trust that things will
straighten themselves out?Should I stop letting Jeannine bend my ear about
Greg and her in-law problems?She seems to have a lot of pent-up
frustration because it comes spilling out as soon as we’re alone.

Not a Therapist, I Just Play One on TV

Dear Play,

It sort of depends on the definition of “shifty” here.Unless he’s behaving outright rudely, I would just leave it alone; if he has a problem with Jeannine confiding in you, he can and should take that up with Jeannine.

On the other hand, if the four of you spend a lot of time together as a group…I don’t know.The same principle applies, though, really; if he’s got an issue with you, he needs to speak to you about it directly.

You might mention to Jeannine that you think Greg is uncomfortable with her confiding in you, and that she might consider talking to him about that so it’s not awkward for you as a foursome…but it might just happen that you and she become The Friends and it’s not as much of a double-date thing anymore.But you can’t unknow what she’s told you, so I would do and say nothing for now and see how it plays out.

Hey Sars,

So, I just finished my first year of college.
Last summer, I met this girl.We and I were together all summer. I am
also a girl, but that’s actually not really relevant. We broke up at
the end of the summer — more accurately, I broke up with her, because
I was not interested in starting college attached to someone at home
(she’s a year younger). I was clear about this from the beginning.
This was hard on both of us, but especially her.

But a month and a
half into the year, I met another girl, and we started to date. New
Girl and I were together all year, seven months.She broke up with me
at the end of the year because she didn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship. (I know, I know.)I’m still sad about this,
but all things considered, it was the right decision.

So now I’m back
at home, and I’m still attracted to First Girl, and she likes me
back.And I don’t know what to do.I like her so much, and I’m so
attracted to her, more than I’ve ever been.And First Girl has
decided to go to the same college as me, though I’ve done everything I
can to make sure her reasons for this don’t have to do with me (I told
her we wouldn’t get back together if she came, that she’d see me with
other girls — I was trying to be honest/harsh.Anyway, it’s a really
good match for her and the best school academically that she got
into).

So, First Girl and I could date, and continue the
relationship.We wouldn’t even have to be apart summers.The reasons
not to: I hurt her badly in the past (though she says she wouldn’t
change anything if she could) and I don’t want to hurt her again.I
really, really don’t want to hurt her — I care about her so much.
Also, I’m not totally over New Girl.But I wasn’t completely over FG
when NG and I first got together, and that was never a problem.I’m
not too worried about FG making her own life at school, because we’ll
live in different dorms and that will be fine.But I’m worried that
if we get back together and break up again, we’ll never be friends
again, and I value our friendship.

Also, NG and I had sex, and it was
my first time, and I kind of feel bad about coming back to FG with
that in my past, while she’s not even kissed anyone in the meantime.
Mostly, I don’t want to hurt FG, but I like her and she likes me.And
I don’t know what to do.

Thanks, Sars, and feel free to edit for length if you use this, because
my plan of writing a succinct summary? Did not happen.

Girls, girls, girls

Dear Girls,

Why not just see how things go, instead of hedging your bets on a breakup that hasn’t even happened yet?You broke up with FG the first time because you assumed things wouldn’t work out; why do it again when it didn’t really pay off then?

You say you don’t want to hurt her, and that’s not a bad thing, but the way you talk about her is a little condescending.She can take care of herself; she can make her own decisions.I mean, be aware of her feelings, sure, but just because you’ve had sex when FG (as far as you know) hasn’t doesn’t mean the responsibility for the entire relationship is on your shoulders.A relationship is two people.Find out what she wants, too.

Sars, you goddess of grammar,

Help a fellow stickler for usage out, would you?I’ve noticed an alarming
recent trend to use the verb “grow” in such phrases as “to grow your
business” or “we’re growing our company.”It’s driving me up a freaking
wall, as well as setting off my Bad English alert, and I’m having the
hardest time articulating the reason.Is it a transitive/intransitive (not
to mention organic) disagreement?My thinking is that plants can grow,
babies can grow, or you can grow flowers, but for the love of all things
holy, you cannot transitively grow an inorganic object like a company.

What’s your take on the subject?Is this another offensive trespass being
perpetuated by the corporate world, or do they have the right of it?

Sincerely,
A Gardening Grammar Guardian

Dear GGG,

The 11C lists it first as an intransitive verb…but the second definition is transitive: “to cause to grow.”Also listed is “to promote the development of,” and the example Webster’s uses specifically cites starting a business.

Garner describes it as “trendy in business jargon” and advises avoiding it, but he doesn’t say it’s incorrect, and I agree — it’s not wrong, it’s just twee.

[12/9/03]

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