Where to begin? Well, let’s start with “it sucked” and go from there, because…iiiiit suuuuucked, people. It’s over two hours long, and it’s an hour-and-a-half movie, if that, but every Richard Pryor twitch and mug got left in, and while he’s not funny, the problem is really that he doesn’t belong in this movie — he’s not earnest enough. Some plot points whip by and explain nothing, others die and begin to decompose on screen, and the whole thing just drags. The villains aren’t compelling. The plot is nonsensical, and moves too slowly to be forgiven that fact. Evil Superman is fun, but that part doesn’t last long enough, the effects of the tar-kryptonite aren’t clear, and how he manages to fight with himself in a junkyard (seriously!) and then become Good Again isn’t clear either. I mean, it’s a Superman movie, so I don’t require Mametian plotting, but come on. And what’s up with the Leaning Tower of Pisa gag? Straightening it is…evil? The guy calling Superman a turd in Italian is funny, but…huh? (2/23/04)

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