Sober House: A Question
A question besides “Why do I watch this sordidry?”, that is, because there’s no good answer to that.
No, my question is: Does anyone else wonder why Jen is in charge of that house if she’s so consistently overmatched by every crisis? I don’t judge her; I could never do that job. But I don’t try to do that job, and nobody has put me in that job expecting that I can control the situation. Jen just seems too fragile, and too concerned that everyone like her, to act as the house mother effectively. Will definitely knows what he’s doing, knows what’s up, doesn’t take it personally — he’s great. Jen is always on the point of tears. It doesn’t make sense, I don’t think, that the whole thing between her and Adler turned into an emotional dialogue, because the guy broke the rules and brought H into a sober house…I know she’s in recovery too, but she kind of needs to toughen up.
Also: What’s up with my liking Andy Dick a lot so far, and really pulling for him?
Thoughts? Linda’s the only other one who gives a crap (and will likely pay me back for outing her by not commenting; snick), but here we are.
Tags: Andy Dick Jennifer Gimenez Sober House TV
Oh, you know someone else who gives a crap.
I’m totally with you on Andy Dick, by the way.
I had been wondering about Jen, but from her perspective: What’s in it for her that she has to put up with Adler’s bullshit? Or any of theirs? Is this a paid job or just another step in the recovery process for her? Then again, I wonder if this process helps her toughen up by taking all that responsibility so maybe it will eventually work.
I was also wondering whether they wouldn’t have just moved Adler into a different halfway house if this wasn’t a TV show.
I don’t know how to answer this, because I wonder the same thing. I don’t get how a woman who wasn’t emotionally prepared to deal with someone like Adler even got the job.
Unfortunately for me, I watched “Celebrity Rehab” and “Sober House” because I’m interested in what will happen with Rodney King, and he’s just too normal (and, it seems, nice) to make for good TV, so he’s never on. It’s all about the other drama. I’m hoping that means Rodney is doing well, because I like him.
I’m with you on Andy Dick as well.
I work for an outpatient substance abuse treatment facility, so I’ve been fascinated by Celebrity Rehab and Sober House, too. I agree with you re: Jen, but mainly because, if I’m remembering correctly, she “only” has a couple of years sober. It seems to me that she’s still too early in the process to have this level of responsibility. Clearly, a lot of the people who work in the recovery business are in recovery themselves and that perspective can certainly be helpful, but I would think you would want someone with a few more years under her belt to be doing this particular job. Perhaps that would give her the ability to do the things necessary to keep the other housemates safe without caring whether or not they agreed with her methods. Obviously, Steven’s behavior put the rest of the house at risk and, as the person in charge, she has to handle that the best way she can. Of course, maybe I don’t fully understand her role; I was thinking that she was more like a counselor or therapist, someone who was considered a professional, but maybe she is more of a peer, a client on the same level as the others, just with more clean time.
What shocked me was when Will took Steven back to his home after his his initial relapse at the house. Or did I misunderstand that? I thought I heard Will offer and Dr. Drew agree for Steven to go home with Will, since he didn’t need to be in the hospital, but couldn’t stay at the house. It’s entirely possible I heard that wrong, though. Because that seemed like a HUGE boundary issue; I don’t know how bringing a client to your home is a good thing. And I’m not comfortable second-guessing Dr. Drew.
@KAB: I think the issue is that they’re not allowed in the house while they’re fucked up. They aren’t kicked out of the house *program*, necessarily. They just can’t be around the house/other residents while they’re under the influence. That seems to me like a hair you don’t want to split, but again, my experience here consists of watching the show.
I don’t understand why the rules aren”t upheld and Adler and possibly a few others haven’t been tossed out of the house (except, reality show so the normal rules don’t apply and they have to have drah-mah).
I wonder if Jen has ever run a sober house before, or if she’s been tossed into the deep end of the pool without some water wings.
This show makes me wonder if people (at least here) are serious about getting healthy.
I feel the same way, can’t turn away, but feel kind of like watching a train wreck. I watch it when no one is home so they won’t see me watching it.
I do think they screwed up on the Adler issue, but it kind of reminds me of the fact they are celebrities and get away with stuff folks like us wouldn’t. If I got caught with H or even just marijuana on me I would have not been out on the streets with a slap on the wrist. And he is so clueless, I mean he was seen on camera with it on his person and he has the nerve to say I am innocent, he is clearly just burned his brain and I don’t really feel like he has much of a chance.
I do think that these folks get paid for this, remember Gary Busey mentioning something about his contract when they tried to make him toe the line on Rehab. And I think it is pretty clear that Jen spent her money getting her lips ‘plumped up.’ The difference between the scenes shot at the house and her later interviews show a considerable difference. She is clearly over her head, can’t beleive that with only two years sobrienty they put her in charge of this group.
And yes, I also didn’t want to like Andy Dick, but he is so charming and likeable you can’t resist him.
I agree that, particularly in contrast to Will, Jen seems to be a study in who shouldn’t be in charge here. On a more superficial note, I really wish that she would stop wearing things she thinks are dresses but those of us with eyes can tell her fall firmly in the “shirt” category.
And every time I start to like Andy Dick, I remember that he groped and yanked up an innocent (underage?) woman’s top – and that was only his most recent crime against humanity.
I felt sorry for Amber when that guy she liked texted her to come to that party. I couldn’t figure why no one said to her, “ask him to take you out one on one somewhere, instead of some crazy party.”
I like dr. drew so I’ve watched both celebrity rehabs and now sober house. I don’t get why they don’t have sponsors saying “go bowling instead of going out to Hollywood parties.”
Agree re: Jen’s level of emotion and Andy Dick’s surprising likability.
Go Rodney!
Here’s my question: how can being on a reality show be good for ANYONE’s recovery process? The whole enforced drama, fishbowl aspect of it seems a little self-defeating. I think that pool they’re throwing Jen into might be filled with vodka. I’m not judging – well, I’m not judging you guys. I just … fail to understand. Is their addiction to celebrity the habit they really can’t break?
Also, the idea of Andy Dick being charming and sympathetic is making the world tilt on its axis.
Ooooohhh, Andy Dick. Only if he donated an organ to a child who needed it, and that child were mine, and the organ itself had passed all sorts of rigorous screening, and my hair looked good that day, would I NOT beat him with a chair if I had the chance.
On the VH1 blog, they have commentaries on the episodes from both Jen amd Dr. Drew – um, I don’t even follow the show, but I am now sort of addicted to the commentaries from Dr. Drew. He goes more into the standard procedure behind some of the decisions, and the lines of thinking, and it’s really facinating. Here’s the link: http://blog.vh1.com/utag/series/sober-house/26504/
@Sars, I completely understand that no one can be in the house while under the influence. People in recovery can be triggered by the smallest things – even just being around the place where they used to score can start the body releasing the chemicals that are released when a person actually uses – so obviously being around someone who is high would not be helpful for the rest of the housemates. I get why Steven couldn’t stay *there* but what I don’t understand is why Will and Dr. Drew thought it was OK for Steven to go to Will’s home. Again, I might have misunderstood, but bringing a client to your home is, in my opinion at least, crossing a huge boundary line.
I really feel for Amber. On the one hand, she has some really great insight, like when she said she’s emotionally 21, which I think is the age she started using. There is research that shows that people who abuse drugs and/or alcohol can retard their emotional development (honestly, some of the adults in our program act like bratty teenagers. Because they sort of are.). But, on the other hand she went to that party by herself, knowing that she feels uncomfortable alone in that type of situation and knowing that there was going to be lots of alcohol. I mean, when Andy Dick is telling you you’re wearing your Bad Idea Jeans? LISTEN.
Plus, a text message? Girl, he is just not that into you.
I refuse to watch Sober House because I refuse to root for Andy Dick against my will. REFUSE. I did watch Celebrity Rehab, but got tired of it when it became the Kenicki Show.
With that said, I would bet part of the problem is that Jen’s hands are tied. On the Celebrity Rehab at TWOP, a poster claiming to be Shelly’s husband (I believe him, but you never know) said that Shelly’s biggest frustration was production interfering with how she does her job. It’s hard to enforce rules that others (VH1) don’t want enforced. I don’t know Jen’s backstory (is this the first time she’s been sober? Has she been a sober house hostess before?) so I really don’t know, but I do know that VH1 allows the rules to be bent for these drama queens because it’s a TV show. That was another reason I quit watching Celebrity Rehab…there were no consequences for bad behavior.
Just a thought on the boundary issue. I used to be close friends with a special-ed teacher for a state group home. Most of her kids were severely emotionally disturbed, and had been pulled by the state out of abusive homes or away from addicted parents. They were messed up kids, screwed by life in terrible ways. She had a heart for all of them, but especially clicked with one teen boy in particular, so she went though the state channels and became his foster mom for a while.
He eventually opted to go back to the group home (long story) but the point is that she did it officially, and evidently a whole slew of state-appointed guardians, counselors, mental health advisors, and all the other gauntlets one runs when dealing with a ward of the state, all thought that it wasn’t too big a boundary issue to give this kid a more normal home life with his teacher than he’d have living in a locked-down group home with other SED kids. With that perspective, maybe Steven going home with Will wasn’t that big a deal. My friend didn’t stuff this minor child in her van and take him for a ride after school; the two people on the show are voting adults. Maybe it could boil down to an act of kindness?
Most sober houses will kick you out if you get caught using, but I don’t know about if you just have the substance.
@Jaybird: I can’t stop laughing at that.
Anlyn, you’ve sort of confirmed my suspicions. While I think Jen is not prepared for this job, I also think she’s completely hamstrung by the production aspect of it. If it were her decision completely – which it should be, as the house manager – she would have kicked Steven out right away. And certainly after the second relapse. But it’s not up to her, as is made clear every time she talks to Dr. Drew. That completely undermines her authority, and all the addicts sense that, so they don’t respect her and they take advantage of her. It sucks.
I am SO rooting for Andy Dick, which came completely out of nowhere. He and Rodney King seem like the only ones who are ready for this.
Also, David the Boyfriend/Manager of the Year is totally the new Vicki. I want to slug him in the nads.
What is it about Andy Dick being so likable when the whole world knows what a huge d-bag he is? I remember watching “Dude, Where’s My Car?” (shut up) and being charmed by the simple fact that Andy Dick was in a cage.
Maybe that’s the solution. We can lock Andy Dick in a cage in a camera-filled studio somewhere. He can continue to be charming and entertaining, and society will be safe from his antics.
I’m also glad I don’t have cable or satellite, because I would totally be addicted to Celebrity Rehab and Sober House. I heart Dr. Drew, think he’s so intelligent and knowledgeable, and watching him do his thing with fucked up celebrities would be my crack.
You will be shocked to hear that I am behind on this show (remember, my stupid cable went out for a week), and I haven’t even seen Andy Dick. So I have nothing to say on that point.
As to Jen, however, I’d be interested to know whether there’s a standard protocol for selecting sober-house leaders. There’s a sense in which I agree that she seems too fragile, but there are also times when Dr. Drew seems to be using this as part of her recovery, sort of pushing her to develop her own coping skills. In other words, it’s clear that she’s not fully cooked as far as her own rehab (not that anybody ever is, but you know what I mean). But I’m not sure she’s supposed to be. I’m not sure she’s supposed to be in the same place as Shelly and…the other guy. Bob? I love him, but I forget his name.
What’s weird is that in a way, she really struggles, but she’s done a couple of very tough things already. She did really make the call herself to bring the cops in on Adler. I’m sure having someone arrested isn’t easy.
Agreed that Will is her best asset, but I haven’t totally given up on her as a good choice. It really depends on what the rest of her deal is.
Thanks to Len for the link to the Sober House blogs – very interesting reading. From what Drew said in his blog, Will is a peer of the housemates, more of a sponsor in the 12 Step tradition. I thought he and Jen were on the Bob/Shelley level, that they were the professionals charged with providing services. That doesn’t seem to be the case here. So, never mind! ;-)
@VickiAnn: Seriously. He blows.
You are so not alone! I’ve been hooked for quite awhile now, and in fact, I think I blame you because one of your postings got me started. (See, I’m not at the accepting responsibility stage of my addiction yet, apparently….)
Anyway, I’ve been wondering about Jen too. I’m agreed – wouldn’t take a job like this because I know I couldn’t handle it. Watching these people on television and hoping for them and then watching them struggle is rough enough. I wouldn’t want to be any closer to the situation!
That is the beauty of it, though, I guess. Addicts in general aren’t normally people that you find endearing, but some of these folks are so hopeful and earnest that you just can’t NOT like them. That’s part of what kept me watching, I think, the hope of getting some insight into the other side of things.
And Carrie Ann, I’m with you. David needs an ass-kicking, and soon.
Ok, disclaimer: I never watched this kind of stuff until the first season of Celebrity Rehab…and somehow I got completely sucked in. Anyway, earlier today I was reading the blogs on VH1 & in one of them Dr. Drew mentioned that this process has been really beneficial for Jen’s sobriety. So maybe we’re seeing an evolution?
I will say that in last night’s episode, I thought that she seemed too caught up in the drama of Seth’s disappearance – just like those in her charge. She seemed more of a participant than the house mother ought to be.
Oh & was anyone else completely shocked by Steven’s relapse? Not that it happened but as to what it looked like. I feel like “country mouse” butI have never seen anything like that in my life. I think I sat for the entire hour with my mouth open.
Oh & BIG wordy mcword to Nicms about the “shirts” – several times I have thought to myself “Oh dear…that’s really not appropriate!”
Here’s a good article about Jen that I found linked from the VH1 Sober House Message Board:
http://laist.com/2009/02/04/meet_jennifer_gimenez.php
There are a few discussion threads happening here and I want to join in them all! I’m so happy to have found my Sober House-loving peeps! I haven’t seen last night’s ep yet, so my comments don’t have that perspective.
My husband and I really thought that Dr. Drew’s (apparent) decision to keep Steven in the house after his first relapse was really awful, hamstringing Jen the way other posters have mentioned upthread. It felt very TV- like it was being done for the drama and possibly the contracts involved, and not for what was best for Steven (which to me is clearly more inpatient treatment) or for anyone else in the house, Jen included. How can it be good for everyone’s sobriety to live with someone whose addiction is so uncontrolled?
That said, Amber scares and shocks me more than Adler. Her fucked-up-ness is beyond (my) belief. When she started talking about “sober sex” in the last episode, and how she has never had sex without being under the influence, that was…creepy. To me, anyway. And she is self-aware enough to know that she is trying to replace drugs and booze with men- she made a comment to that effect before she went to the party. Why, oh why doesn’t anyone shake her and say, “Do you hear yourself?? This is NOT HEALTHY!” And further, when she got to the party and the guy who invited her ditched her, why didn’t she just, I don’t know, LEAVE? When I go to a party and don’t know anyone, I don’t spend two hours hugging the walls and hoping someone will talk to me, even without the added burden of being surrounded by something to which I am addicted. If you’re uncomfortable, GO HOME!
Andy Dick is a miserable human being. He made my skin crawl the first ep he was in, where he was like, “Of course I was immediately drawn to Amber. She’s stunning! But I won’t make a play for her, because I have to focus on my sobriety.” Ew. Jaybird said it best.
I do wonder why there isn’t more involvement from sponsors, therapists, etc. It really seems to me like many of these folks are not ready for sober living, probably really need more inpatient treatment, and at best need a lot of handholding. It makes me worry that the show, which I like and which I think is trying to do a good thing, is more or less sacrificing these people’s sobriety for narrative and drama, instead of giving them the support and treatment that they really need.
@Jaybird: Hee. “Technically.” Thump. “Bad. Hair. Day.” Crash. “Not. Your.” Whap. “Fault.” Bop. “But. STILL!” Crunch.
I think Jen’s in a bit over her head and there aren’t enough boundaries between her and the patients,, but in a real crisis – Steven getting so high and going crazy – she made the right call. She should have dealt with the entire Seth mess in the last episode by turning off the computer and telling everyone to go to bed.
Laura, I was horrified and freaked out by Steven’s relapse. I’ve seen people on drugs before, although not heroin, and certainly not that damned high. It scared the hell out of me. Jen had no choice but to call the police. And he shouldn’t have been let back in the house. From what I saw, he needs to back in in-patient care.
RE: sacrificing people’s sobriety for the sake of drama, why in hell didn’t a crew member pull Amber out of that bedroom at the party? That was not just sacrificing her sobriety, it was sacrificing her safety.
I have followed Celeb rehab and now sober house every week. I know the stories and I now believe this is more about celebs getting their faces back in the lime-light than actually kicking a serious addiction. I mean please. Steven Adler, who had the world by the nuts as Guns-N-Roses drummer. and a very good one, chosses heroin, cocaine, valium, whatever, over his career and family.. Shifty lets the BS of Mary Carey’s man get him to the point where he takes off on a 3 day bender of alcohol and Crack, oh and leaves messages for the sober-house crew to look at and instructions to find him. PLEASE. 3 days at Sober-house and they all head to a night-club..yah sure.. Amber Smith is all infatuated with some jerk-off hockey player who ignores her at a party, she gets drunk and winds up in bed with the moron?? Addiction might not be her only medical problem if she drops her laundry for some knob who asks her out, and decides to do the nasty.
It appears to me Rodney King and Andy Dick want help, the rest want the spotlight. I will watch. I’m a pot smoker, never any hard drugs or alcohol ever. Yes I did the musician thing for years, had all sorts of offers, try this, shoot that…hahahahahahahA….NOT… Certainly glad I said no, after veiwing this crew of not so sober screw-ups.
I think Jen is a well-meaning person who was just not ready for this job. As I’ve said in a couple of places, when she took everybody along to the porn star’s house to look for Shifty, she pretty much gave up her claim to good judgment. My guess is that Dr. Drew would not have sanctioned anyone but a very well-trained person going off to look for Shifty — if anyone at all, indeed, should have — and certainly not EVERY-freaking-BODY.
You don’t indulge Shifty’s stuff by chasing him all over the place off his little “scavenger hunt” video. Eventually, you have to say, “Nobody’s hunting for you. Come home or don’t.” As Dr. Drew’s final VO said, I’m pretty sure Shifty will eventually kill himself one way or another; I just don’t see him getting well.
Wow, was I shocked by how much Jen got into the drama this last episode. How on earth was that good for anyone? And in the group meeting, going “We don’t know if Seth is dead or alive” — does she really think he dropped dead in the few hours or whatever between when he was healthy enough to leave the hospital and then?
I am happy to see that Rodney seems to be doing well. I admit I teared up a bit when Dr. Drew took him to the place where the beating happened.
My question is: What was going on with the scene where Jen was in bed and Seth was with her?
Just wondering….
The thing with Jen is that she isn’t in this situation only to benefit the addicts living in the sober house. She has been placed in the environment for her own personal gain as well. She has to see recovery from an outside point of view and she needs to be challenged with this sort of conflict in order to grow. She isn’t neccesarilly there to help the others through recovery, thats why you rarely see her counseling them. She has to learn how to deal with people in challenging situations. I’m sure that before Will became a strong, independent person he was exactly like Jennifer and had to be prematurely placed in a tough situation in order to grow into the person who “doesn’t take things personally”. Jen just has to learn that the things people do aren’t always intended to be malicious, and that even when they are, she has to get over it. What better way to teach her than throw her in the situation that will challenge her the most?
I love Sober House and was sad to see it end tonight. As far as Jen…..I really recommend going and reading the weekly blog interviews with her and Dr. Drew on VH1’s site. She wasn’t there as a counselor. She was a house mother plain and simple. She was there to enforce rules of the house and nothing else. Dr. Drew made the comment in one of his interviews that sober houses are generally run by recovering addicts. Now whether she has the recovery time under her belt needed for this responsibility….who’s to say. But I really think she did a tremendous job. And that first night with Seth, she did make everyone go to bed when they wanted to head out that night and look for him. And the next day when they all headed out looking for him, I thought, was a good eye opener for a lot of them. It’s good to see the drama and fear that they cause as addicts. To experience it from the other side. Anyway…I loved the show (and Celebrity Rehab) and think that Dr. Drew is an angel. I too was surprisingly taken with Andy Dick. Him, Rodney and Nikki were my favorites in terms of hopes for recovery. The others just provided drama and didn’t seem as serious. Dr. Drew said that Amber’s mother has moved in with her and that she’s (the mother) is struggling in her recovery. So I don’t anticipate a good success story there. Seth is just a mess. I liked him a lot, but I truly believe he’ll end up dead. Steven too. Mary? Not sure about her. She seems to really want to change her life and I truly believe she tries hard but she seems to influenced by those around her to really succeed. My only problems with these shows is the “how did it all turn out” question. I’ve already googled “Sober House-where are they now?” question to no avail. Ha…I get a little too wrapped up in these people’s lives I think.
I came here looking for spoilers as one other person did. Does anyone know where they are? This had to be filmed months ago. Are they going to make us wait for a reuniun show?
People are not one dimmensional. That is why it’s fine to like them sober, or grieve for them when in their addiction, and like or hate them in either state, or not care. None of us are one dimmensional. People are not either good or bad!
Steven has had brain damage, that is why things are so very hard for him.
I don’t see him as making it. Seth can go awhile, but OMG, when he went on his binge, I could not fathom a body taking all those drugs and surviving. It amazes me how well these people come off drugs, when they are suppose to have deep seeded emotinal illnesses too. I don’t know what meds they have them on.
I agree none, or possibly one or two were ready for sober living. And so it was abused, to fit the length of the show and the charachters in it.
I get very annoyed when people put Drew on a pedastal, because it is one facet of his charachter to seek celebrity, and I feel he was unproffessional with his charges when they abused and he did not put them back in the hospital. He also didn’t address living situations as realisitically as I would like him too. After care is so important for these folks.
I too came to like Andy, and never heard of him before. I worry about how long Seth will last and gagged when Jen was favoring him and petting one in her bed. I overall liked her more than disliked her in the show. It’s nice to have a mom in the home. But these folks are so dependent on the house and the cam I do worry.
They might stay clean long enough to make it to the reunion, after that I worry.
Amber, she didn’t seem to fit in. She was arrogant to me often, on and off. She seems very frightened and like she is holding on so tightly. I don’t know how she copes? I usually get people and I don’t quite get her yet.
She is in danger tho. Some might last longer than others. I don’t see her lasting that long.
Mary, she says the right things and then is so manipulative, by blaming the house with her bf. A pity she didn’t work this out with Drew, since he had so much footage of it to hear about from the crew. She too needed a realistic job, and to learn to change her downgrade seriously. Otherwise I feel she has made huge changes. Same with the idol girl. But worry how long she will last too. I have to give a lot to Mary and the idol girl for doing as well as they have.
Poor Rodney. Such a quiet man on cam. So grateful, got to love him for that. This is all so new to him, I wish…
I feel they all need a lot more support and after care. I think Seth and Steven should live in a long term facility, with Seth only going out heavily monitored for concerts to keep his raison detre alive.
I don’t know.
I do know these people all need much much longer and more intense after care with real rules or most are toast.
Unfortuanate. Drew hardly has all the answers.
I wonder if Seth really did have a small heart attack. A person can have one and not know it, and it can happen often. But I’m suprised they let him just go?
I also would like to mention, cuz the show does not, that just like anorexia is symptom of another mental illness, so is addiction. The degree of the addiction depends on the degree of the pathology. And this is what needs to be treated if it can. Of course the person has to get off the drugs, but the underlying problem needs to be addressed and does not seem to be.
Another yay, not Dr. Drew.
(yes I know he alludes to truama, but he doesn’t go outside that box, or do therapy for it in my view)