The Crushed Film Festival presents: Ready to Rumble and Boiler Room
by Joe Reid
The Movie(s): Ready to Rumble and Boiler Room
The Crush Object: Scott Caan
The Story: Rumble: Two glorified retards (Caan and David Arquette) set out to help their favorite pro wrestler (Oliver Platt) win his title back. Boiler: Giovanni Ribisi is a slacker who gets a job at a shady brokerage firm full of obnoxious young jocks (Vin Diesel, Nicky Katt, Caan, and Ben Affleck as Alec Baldwin’s character from Glengarry Glen Ross).
These are seriously bad movies, and both products of turn-of-the-century fads that seem almost quaint nine years later. Rumble reflected the pro-wrestling boom in the late 1990s (this was back when we were all first smelling what the Rock was cooking), but since it was a Time Warner project, it ended up being a cameo machine for various and sundry WCW wrestlers of the era (ladies and gentleman, that esteemed screen presence Diamond Dallas Page!).
Boiler Room, of course, reflected the go-go economic boom of the late ’90s, wallowing in the kind of stock-brokers-as-frat-boy-assholes characterizations that have endured through today and Dating a Banker Anonymous. The swagger on display, while intentionally off-putting at the time, would probably send recession-plagued moviegoers into people-killing rage these days. Nobody’s gonna stand for your Gecko bullshit now, Nicky Katt.
The Backstory: So the year was 1999, that vaunted time when American Beauty, The Matrix, Magnolia, and The Blair Witch Project (among many others) revitalized the film industry. It was also the year Varsity Blues revitalized the hot-young-things-have-sex-and-do-some-other-stuff genre. That flick changed the game, and I’m not even exaggerating. I’m also not exaggerating when I say that I audibly gasped the first time I saw Scott Caan without his shirt on. …Or without his pants on. (And yet the universe couldn’t stop talking about Ali Larter and her goddamn Cool Whip bikini? What a cold, unfeeling rock on which we live.) So from then on, I was condemned to following Scott Caan around from bad movie to bad movie. Thankfully, he managed to get the two worst (uh…these two) out of his system right away. 2001 would bring better movies, Ocean’s Eleven, and the blossoming of my Scott Caan crush into more than just physical ogling.
The Embarrassment Level: I don’t think a Scott Caan crush is anything to be embarrassed about, but it does make me feel creepy to say that I watched Ready to Rumble and Boiler Room almost exclusively because he shows his ass (you have to go to the deleted scenes on the Boiler Room DVD to see it, but it’s there). Mitigating factor: it is one hell of an ass. Give this a 4 out of 10.
Joe R assesses asses and much much more at Low Resolution.
Tags: Ali Larter Ben Affleck David Arquette Diamond Dallas Page Joe R movies Nicky Katt Oliver Platt Scott Caan The Crushed Film Festival The Rock Vin Diesel
Not Vin Diesel as the Crush Object? Really? He has a twin, ya know…does that change your mind?
Okay, the both of ’em are all mine then. Thanks!
(I *love* these reviews! Thanks!)
Wow, Scott Caan? I always thought he had the kind of gigantic fivehead and stumpy limbs that meant something was a little off.
There’s a real person named Nicky Katt?
These reviews are quite awesome.
Juuuuust a minute there, little lady. You mean there’s a Vin Diesel and a TWIN DIESEL??? It’ll be a cold day in hell before you get them all to yourself, missy!
But I respect your taste, ma’am, so I call sharesies.
From here on out, I am going to refer to the late 1990s as “back when we were all first smelling what the Rock was cooking.” HA!
Also, when we first moved to NJ, my husband got a job in NYC that was eerily Boiler-Room-like, right down to the one morning he got to work and they were all “Surprise! We’re moving offices! Put all your crap in a box, NOW!” He quit shortly afterwards.
@L.H. “There’s a real person named Nicky Katt?”
Yes there is, and apparantly he’s both Quinten Tarantino AND Robert Rodriguez’s whipping post, on account of all the crap he takes in all their movies. And that guy in The Dark Knight who’s driving the police vehicle right before The Joker brings upon them a legion on crap? The hot guy who could make kevlar sizzle? That’s Nicky Katt. I’ve kinda had a crush on him since Way of the Gun which was, crazily enough, a man fest of epic proportions.
The Bloody Munchkin: Re: Nicky Katt — have met, was really nice.
I saw Boiler Room because of my longstanding love for Ben Affleck. (Yeah, I know people seem to hate him, but I’ve never understood why.) And I agree, BR’s not that great.
Anne: Re: Nicky Katt — “have met, was really nice.”
Swoon! Crush quotient shot up exponentially!
I kind of want Nicky Katt and Ollie Platt to do a buddy cop/caper movie together now. Just ’cause. Maybe a musical. Oliver Platt took astonishing amounts of crap in the movie Casanova. His character is the buffoonish toy of a truly irresponsible script, but I can’t help but admire Platt’s iron commitment to the role. He needs to get some better parts. Or a better agent – right after he does that Platt-Katt musical cops and robbers thing. Somebody needs to make that happen.
@ Sandman: Agreed! The Katt-Platt pairing is almost enticing as the movie involving a Bruce Campbell/Sean Patrick Flannery love pairing BlueChaos came up which involved angry mutant squirrels….
http://witwn2.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/squirrel/#comments
I’d watch it.
I also have a huge crush on Scott Caan, and a random Google search resulted in this gem, which I have bookmarked for posterity:
http://jackie-fitties.blogspot.com/2007/12/rugged-actor-scott-caan.html
Enjoy!