The Vine: June 3, 2009
Hi Sars,
I know that I am not the only one out there grappling with the awkwardness of losing colleagues to layoffs and “workforce reductions” right now but I haven’t been able to find a good answer to my question, which I am hoping you and/or your readers can advise.
My team at work is all based on the west coast and we all work in the same office building, with the exception of one teammate who works from her home office on the east coast, who I will call EST. EST is a very nice lady, but she never quite seemed to “fit” into our team (who I think is over-cliquey, but that’s a whole other issue) and while everyone was nice to her, no one ever really became friends with her the way they did with the rest of the group who work inside the same office.
Unfortunately, EST was laid off recently as part of a budgetary cutback action (along with hundreds of other people) and she is in the process of transitioning her workload and will be with our group for another few weeks.
When I found out about EST’s situation, I called her up and offered my condolences and even sent out her résumé to some friends in our industry that might have jobs available for her. However, I seem to be the only one on the team — including the manager — who has said anything (professionally or personally) to EST. Everyone else seems hardly affected since they didn’t know her well. I didn’t know her any better than anyone else (I met her only once in person, for a quick lunch when I was in her area on a personal vacation and I rarely worked one-on-one with her), but I seem to be the only one who feels bad for EST.
Anyway, I think that for her years of service and her dedication to our team, we should do something for her. Whether it’s a bouquet of flowers or gift basket, I think a token of appreciation would be really nice. But no one else seems to care much about doing anything and I feel like it would be out of line for me to coordinate something for our team, since our manager didn’t instigate it. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes or try and “guilt-trip” them into participating, this is really something just from my heart. But I also feel like if I send her a nice card and some flowers or something on my own that my team will interpret it as I am showing them up and trying to make them look bad.
Is there any nice way to handle this? I am torn because if she and I had a closer relationship, I could sort of justify it by saying “she’s my friend and I am sending flowers” but since we’re not particularly close I fear that my west coast colleagues will think I am trying to make them look bad (which is dangerous for all kinds of political reasons).
One final question: can anyone recommend a really good “sorry you got laid off” gift? I think flowers are kind of safe/universal, but would something like a gift certificate be better? Maybe something like Fandango? Kind of a “forget your cares and go to the show” thing? Or is any kind of monetary exchange just tacky?
Thank you!
I can’t believe I just called movies “the show.” I am turning into my mother.
Dear Show,
You mention repeatedly that you’re not particularly close with EST — isn’t that the end of the story?I think your question here is motivated in large part by feelings of pity for EST that she isn’t closer with you and the team, and that horse is out of the barn; she didn’t work with you guys in person, really, and nobody became close with her, and that’s unfortunate, I guess, but it’s the workplace.Bonding isn’t required, and I feel like you want to get her a present almost as an apology for the fact that bonding didn’t happen.
You’ve sent her c.v. around, which is good of you; I don’t think you have to do anything else.If you’d like to send a note thanking her for all her work, and include a small gift card to Starbucks or AMC theaters or something, go for it (I don’t think I understand why the rest of the team would find out about it, if EST is leaving and they don’t really deal with her socially anyway).
But if nobody else on the team really cares, well, you can’t make them, and you can’t make EST think they do.It is what it is.You can leave it now.
Dear Sars,
I have a grammatical question for you regarding apostrophes being used to pluralize acronyms.
At my workplace we use a lot of acronyms. An example of what I would use is Work Activities = WAs and Work Activity = WA. I was editing a document with a work colleague who wanted to alter the punctuation of a similar acronym, to show Work Activities = WA’s.
I disagreed and enjoyed half a minute of silence, then a changed topic. Later I heard this colleague laughing about it with another (oh, the fate of the eavesdropper), as they both believe I’m wrong.
I’m not pigheaded enough to go running back to them with the answer (assuming I’m right) but I am pigheaded enough to want to know for myself if I’ve been doing this the right or wrong way.
My Googling only seems to reveal “both ways are used, but some prefer this way, but then again, in other cases…”
I can understand using a full stop to show the omission of a letter in an acronym but I really hate the use of an apostrophe for pluralizing. It’s depressing when apostrophes are used incorrectly for “standard” words, so why change the rules for acronyms? I guess my question is, is there an official rule other than personal preference?
Pigheaded if I do and pigheaded if I don’t
Dear Pig,
First: if someone else doesn’t go ahead and write the epic poem “O, The Fate Of The Eavesdropper,” I will be forced to do so, and I do not have the time, so could a reader get on that, please and thank you.
Second: my personal preference is to grit my teeth every time I see “Oakland A’s” or any other abbreviation or acronym pluralized with an apostrophe.I know why it’s done — the intent, I believe, is to set off the acronym visually to avoid confusion — but I cannot stand it.
Garner does not have a specific note on it (in the older edition; I can’t seem to find my newer edition, which, speaking of gritting my teeth), so I’ll have to rule without him.
An acronym is a noun.A plural noun does not take an apostrophe, ever.Just because every grocery store in existence does it on the specials board doesn’t make it right.
Hey Sars,
I have a friend problem I’m not sure how to resolve.I started college in 2001 and after a five-year break, I’m back at school to finish up my bachelor’s.I don’t exactly fit in with all the younger kids, but I’ve found a couple good friends and I have plenty of folks to hang with outside of school.One of these friends is a really sweet girl, but she’s a bit sheltered and immature.This wasn’t a big problem until recently.
For about a month, she wasn’t exactly silent treatment-ing me, but she was acting…weird.I finally got sick of it and asked her what the problem was, and she said that first of all, we’d been drifting as new friends and activities came into the picture (not untrue), but also that she was upset about my reaction to her announcement that she and the guy she was seeing were Official Boyfriend and Girlfriend.Never mind that she informed me of this status change in the middle of a class, never mind that she wouldn’t even have met the guy unless I brought her out on a weekday night, never mind that we have talked many times about how I view relationships.
I have told her that I don’t really get the whole rigid hierarchy of dating/seeing/boyfriend-girlfriend, and it’s come up numerous times just in casual discussion of relationships.Admittedly, I probably could have handled it better — I did note that labels weren’t important to me at the time — but seriously, you’re going to act like I ran over your puppy for a month because I didn’t get excited enough about something?I have told her that I am stoked she’s in a healthy adult relationship, whatever she wants to call it, and I truly am…she’s a good girl and deserves better than the douchebags she’s wound up with in recent history.
In any case, we talked about it and the mood improved.I did decide that I wasn’t going to exert too much energy into the friendship, because to me the fact that she behaved that way for that reason for a freaking month just indicates that she’ll always attach more importance to her romantic relationships than her friendships, and that’s not something I’m particularly interested in.
The problem was solved for a while, but just recently, I found out there’s another component to the weird behavior.She told one of our mutual friends that she was also upset because she is not in my bridal party, and that I had told her that if I had a big bridal party, she would be in it.This bugs the shit out of me for several reasons.First, I never considered including her in my bridal party, so I don’t see any way it ever would have occurred to me to tell her she would be in it.There’s just no way.
Second, if your participation was predicated on an If Statement, and you are not participating, then clearly the conditions of said If Statement did not come to fruition.Third, why not say something about this when we were talking about why you’re in a weird mood?
What really chaps my ass is that I get the sense, between the whole Not Being Excited Enough About A Relationship I’m Not Involved In incident and now this bizarre bridal party thing, that this has nothing to do with wanting to be a good friend and support me on my wedding day, and everything to do with wanting validation that she is officially one of my Specialest Friends and being able to share the attention of the day by wearing the pretty dress and all that jazz.It just feels very selfish to me and it actually has made me so upset I don’t even want to see her or talk to her.
What I WANT to do is let her have it on the topic of not being a selfish wench, but I also know that the resulting argument would be so stupid and aggravating that my brain would explode, because we’ve got completely different philosophies on the matters at hand.Still, I’m so angry and irritated that I almost can’t stand not saying anything.
What would you do, Sars?Do I just say “the hell with it” and move on?I know now that the friendship is destined to wither away, but this is so hurtful that I almost don’t want to just let it go.
Thanks for your help and also for reading, like, eight pages of whine,
Ballistic Bride
Dear Ball,
I think you’re right — that she does want you to consider her an official Specialest Friend.I think she thinks of you that way, and now she has two pieces of evidence that you don’t: you didn’t fawn over her new relationship, and you didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid.
This isn’t really selfishness on her part, though.Not that she isn’t selfish, but it’s a separate issue from this one, namely that the two of you don’t see the friendship the same way.She considers you close friends; you consider you…friends.Or you did, until the disparity came to light and she started behaving in a way you consider presumptuous, and while I agree that that presumption is a bit annoying, it’s not coming from a bad place.She’s just more invested in the friendship than you are.
Don’t confront her.You say that this is “so hurtful” to you, but then the rest of the letter is basically about how she cares about you and your opinion and you don’t reciprocate, really, so any “discussion” you have with her about it is going to boil down to “your hurt feelings have hurt my feelings,” which…again, yes, it’s tiresome to deal with it, but have some compassion for the girl.She feels rejected.Why amplify those feelings by telling her she has no right to them?Why bother at all if the central conflict is that you…don’t actually care that much?
You have a wedding to plan.Do that; leave this alone.
Tags: friendships grammar workplace
@Show: Also, unless she’s indicated differently, EST may not care that she never bonded with you guys. Maybe she has a rocking group of outside work, East Coast friends and the office is just the office. We had a ton of layoffs at my job back in Feb. I met up with the people I’m actually friends with a lot and attended the group happy hour for our little crew. It’s a really nice thing you want to do, but I think EST will be just fine.
@BB: I agree with what Sars said, it’s really probably not worth it, especially since you say you don’t care very much about this girl. Not that you don’t care at all, but that she’s someone you know for now and that’s all. I will also say, though, that you want to be careful to not be to dismissive of her opinions. I think the Official BF/GF thing is a bit silly, but then again, if I shared what I felt was big news with a friend and their response was “I think that’s dumb, but good for you” it’d be kind of upsetting. As far as the bridal party stuff, I fully agree with you. The moment someone complains about not being in your wedding is the moment you know you were right not to include them.
Garner, identifying three primary uses for an apostrophe, says the following: “Third, it is sometimes used to mark the plural of an acronym, number, or letter — e.g.: CPA’s (now more usually CPAs), 1990’s (now more usually 1990s), and p’s and q’s (still with apotrophes because of the single letters).” (I must observe that according to Garner’s own taxonomy, “CPA” is an initialism, not an acronym, but that’s neither here nor there.)
I agree that the best practice is not to use an apostrophe, but I do think the users of apostrophes have a defensible case when the acronym (or initialism) is not well-known, thereby increasing the likelihood that someone will get confused about what that “s” is doing there (which is probably closest to Garner’s p’s and q’s example). The A’s in particular — without the apostrophe, the team name becomes the As, as in the word “as.” In the letter-writer’s example, using an apostrophe could prevent confusion between whether you mean the plural form of WA or whether you are writing “was” and got a little sloppy with the shift key. (If the writing is being done for an audience that is very familiar with the WA initialism, I would omit the apostrophe, but might include it for an audience that was not familiar with the term.)
@Show: You’re being really nice to EST. The people who work from home/outside the office are often “forgotten” for the reasons you’ve specified, and your small gesture will most likely be very appreciated. I’ve worked from home the last three years and I can tell you that it’s awful to be forgotten half the time (“Oh, that’s right, we need to dial in to this meeting!”, “There are donuts in the break room – except for that person who lives three thousand miles away!”, “We’re having an all-staff meeting, except for those outside this office.”). Being aware of and acknowledging a co-worker is a very nice thing.
@Show: If it would make you feel better to send along a little something to EST, then go ahead. And if doing so would cause drama in your office if it came to light, then why not sign the card “From the West Coast Office” or whatever? You can feel like you tried to do something nice and you’ve included the whole office, so none of them can get shirty with you later. Win-win!
I think Jennifer and Sars are right – EST may not mind that she hasn’t bonded with you guys, but if it would make you feel a bit better to send a small gift with your condolences, then go for it. Although, I think continuing to forward her resume is probably the best gift you can give!
Ah…the bind that forms from the collective hate of the greengrocer’s apostrophe…
Team name? The Hater’s.
Ok, I am guilty of the whole acronyms w/ apostrophes thing, and I always justified it by telling myself it was being used to identify a contraction. As in “WASP’s,” in which case the apostrophe is standing if for “rotestant.” But then, it should probably be written W’A’S’P’s were this the case.
Okay, LW3. Three observations.
1. In fairness, she didn’t confront you about the bridal party thing. She didn’t put that on you; one of your (I would add: stupider) friends decided to pass that along. Her feelings were hurt; she told a friend. I think your level of anger has to take that into account.
2. It appears that you are angry at her for correctly interpreting a manifestation of your lukewarm feelings toward her as an indication that you have lukewarm feelings toward her. She’s hurt. Not by your behavior, but by what she’s learned about the way you feel about her. Your discomfort is understandable, but…there’s really nothing for you to be angry about. You can like or dislike whomever you want, but the people you don’t like that much will sometimes quite understandably find that hurtful. It happens.
3. It’s hard to tell what happened in the relationship story, but if she told you “Hey, Boyfriend and I are official now,” and your basic response was, “Whatever, I don’t care about labels”? Then that’s not about not being enthusiastic enough. That’s about being unkind, and if that’s what you did, then you owed her an apology, it seems to me. The fact that you’d told her before that you don’t care about labels doesn’t entitle you to be rude to her, any more than having previously said you don’t believe in marriage makes it appropriate to respond to an engagement announcement by saying, “Ugh, I don’t believe in marriage.”
Not only do I want to join The Hater’s, I want to collect enough money to put a full-page ad in the New York Times soliciting members.
For Pigheaded, I think what LTG had to say is much to the point. Also, as an oldtimer, I can recall usage guides from the 1960s and before (none of which have survived into my present library, so I’m working on memory here) that specified that apostrophes were used to form plurals of “letters used as word,” for the sake of clarity.
I suspect that with the passage of time, we have gotten more used to acronyms and the like, and also (at least those of us who read software manuals and the like) to references to individual letters as entities. So the old “rule” has become less and less necessary. I would prefer to do without it myself, as I dislike allowing ANY apostrophes into plural-forming. But it can’t be dismissed as totally ignorant; some still active have been taught it, and even passed it along to others. It’s a messy area.
Linda: nail on the head regarding LW3
As far as EST–in our office, it’s common practice for department heads to be in charge of birthday cards/get well flowers for major health issues/etc. but some are more…forgetful than others. In these cases, someone usually wanders up casually to said forgetful manager and mentions “Hey, were we planning to get flowers for X? Because I was going to the flower store anyway so I’d be happy to pick some up…” which usually works beautifully. Could you try that with the manager? Most people will take a chance like that to look thoughtful without having to actually do anything, and everyone wins.
@Show: Have you broached the subject of EST’s departure with your manager? I don’t think the staff is particularly obligated to acknowledge her service but management absolutely should. Especially since you referred to her “years of service.”
You don’t have to be preachy or bossy about it. You can just casually say, “hey, I was wondering if we should do something to thank EST for her work here.” There’s a chance that management did so and just didn’t mention it to the rest of the team. There’s also a chance that your manager is now doing the work of 4 people and hasn’t got time in which case you can offer to pick something up on the company’s behalf. If they’re still not motivated to act, then drop the subject.
And by the way, it’s very classy of you to look out for someone you hardly ever saw or spoke to and believe me, people remember that stuff. Good for you!
@Show, I think you’ve already done the best thing you can do for EST by passing her CV around to potential employers. A new job is what she needs (more than a gift card to anywhere), and your willingness to vouch for her shows her that you liked her work. I think that was the kindest gesture.
Show: I think Sars is right that your phone call and help with the resume for EST is probably enough of a “thanks! I wish you well,” but I wanted to answer the other part of your question re: appropriate gift for an occasion like this. I’m a huge fan of the edible fruit “flower” arrangement. They are really tasty, a lot more fun than flowers, and more suitable for men and women (or any group of people) than flowers would be. Kind of pricy ($50-80 with delivery in my area), but it’s a really nice gesture.
Re: Pig, there’s an aural issue at play here as well. If an acronym ends in a vowel and you want to pluralize it, the resulting word typically loses its long vowel sound at the end once you tack the “S” onto it. I think people sticking in the apostrophes are concerned that you would otherwise end up saying the “oakland as” instead of the “oakland ayz,” for example. It’s still wrong, but I believe that’s what’s behind it.
Thanks for your feedback, everybody! I am not particularly close to any of my co-workers, but I did just want to do something nice for someone who dedicated 15+ years of their life to this company. That was the part that stuck in my craw. She’d given more than a decade & a half of her life to this organization and everyone was comfortable with just sort of saying ‘see ya later’… it felt kind of undignified.
In the end, I did send her a small bouquet of flowers that was inexpensive, but nice. I wanted her to know that someone was thinking of her, but I also didn’t spend $100 or anything that would make it awkward since we’re not *really* friends. I feel really good that I did it (admittedly out of some pity, although I’m not patting myself on the back here) mostly because it wasn’t until a few days until after she was gone that people on my team said ‘oh yeah, it was EST’s last day. I meant to email her or something.’
@Ballistic Bride: What does this: “never mind that she wouldn’t even have met the guy unless I brought her out on a weekday night” have to do with the rest of your story? It sounds like you’re in some way angry at not getting…credit? For taking her to the place where she met the guy she went on to become the Official Girlfriend of, even though you don’t care because you don’t believe in labels?
And I don’t really understand why you’re so angry about her being hurt that you didn’t ask her to be in your bridal party. Like everybody else has said, she clearly thought you were better friends than you were, but since you don’t care that much about her anyway, what’s it to you that she’s disappointed?
I don’t understand why you find this “so hurtful” or how any of this makes her a “selfish wench”. You hurt her feelings, whether accidentally or not, but at the worst that makes her a little deluded and not great at reading people.
@LW3 On the same lines of what Linda said, I think the boyfriend/girlfriend announcement thing comes down to the difference in ages and stages of life. You are about to be a married woman; being official boyfriend/girlfriend probably doesn’t seem like a big deal to you anymore. I’m in my mid-thirties, and I wouldn’t expect my friends of similar age to jump up and down over that announcement either. But when I was in my early 20s in college? That would have been a big deal. And, if you were really her friend, you get excited for the things that make her excited. You may think its not actually a life altering announcement, and it isn’t, but it is to her, so you feign excitement and roll your eyes on the inside.
In any case, it seems to me to come down to, whatever the chronological difference in age is, the difference in stages of life makes you two not really compatible as friends. Chalk it up to that, and let it go.
@Show: I kind of agree with Sars, in that, if you didn’t get close to her before, I don’t see why you feel the need to make a big gesture now. However, if that’s what you want to do then do it and the hell with what everybody else thinks. There’s no reason they even need to know. but if they found out, who cares? If people want to get pissy and jealous because someone does something nice for someone else, that says a lot about them and how much their opinions should count.
Linda, your third point came to my mind too. I was surprised to see the letter-writer was getting married at all cuz, you know, that’s one of the biggest relationship labels I can think of.
I have been meaning to write with that exact issue of apostrophes.
I came to a job where a document was created with a merge from a database and they made Portable Floatation Devices (you know, life jackets) into PFD’s.
I finally had to go change it in the database and fix it on every old report I reuse.
Hater’s Unite! I tend to fall back on Eats, Shoots, and Leaves for my punctuation needs, and the Greengrocer’s Apostrophe is a big ol’ no no boo boo no way, no how FORGET IT wrong usage of said apostrophe.
And Show, you are the awesome. When I left a job that I had been at for over six years, it was barely acknowleged. They got a cake that we all had a peice of, and when I walked out the door it was “Oh, yeah…well, see ya, whatever” from people I had seen five days a week for years. Not the memory I wanted to leave with.
@LTG – thanks for the official clarification!
@Rinaldo
“But it can’t be dismissed as totally ignorant; some still active have been taught it, and even passed it along to others. It’s a messy area.”
That would be me. We even had to find examples in magazines of different punctuation uses and cut them out for a grade and this was one of the things we had to find an example of. I haven’t actually passed it on but I do use it.
Wow. It sounds to me like Ball’s relationship with this woman was predicated on what Ball perceived as a power imbalance Ball felt she was older and wiser and leading her friend to better boyfriends and whatnot. Now the friend is realizing that Ball looks down on her and she’s hurt, but it seems like Ball thinks the friend isn’t entitled because Ball was so generous to play with her in the first place.
In short: Ball should back off and let the woman get a decent close friend, since she doesn’t really seem interested in being one.
Hater’s rock! thsi has bothered me for years but I never had enough aggravation to actually look it up or send something in. Thanks to all who took the effort and clarified. I’ll have to judge siliently now those who use the apostrophe.
Not acronym-related, but I saw a handwritten sign in someone’s yard over the weekend that read, “Egg’s”. I really wanted to pull over and redline that shit.
“I’ll have to judge silently now those who use the apostrophe.”
Well, only those who use it with single or multiple initials, for which there’s some historic sanction. But those who use it to pluralize words can still be judged as loudly as we want.
@show, that was great that you sent the flowers. Just to add, I don’t think it would have been out of line at all to ask the other West Coast staff to sign a card. I work in a large, human-resource intensive organization (400 staff, and over 1000 volunteers), and we are signing cards all of the time. I’m not BFF with all of those people, but I have no problem signing a birthday, get well, condolence, best wishes card for any of these folks. (I sort of feel like signing a card is the least you can do.)
Regarding the gift: In my dept, our office manager is really good about getting birthday cards for folks, and passing them around. I’ve taken on the task of making sure that she gets a birthday card, and on Administrative Professional’s Day I usually get a card and some small, under $10 gift like a plant or candles. I’ve emailed co-workers and said “I got this gift from us, if anyone wants to chip in a buck.” Some people do, and some people don’t, but I don’t think anyone feels too put upon to be asked. So that could be another route to go if you ever need to get a gift for someone who isn’t part of the “clique.”
There are two businesses (I don’t have the heart to type that as “business’s” even in jest) that I pass on my way to work every day. Both have signs which, for all I know, have apostrophes sprinkled over them more or less at random. One is a takeout joint called “Wings & Philly’s” and the other is a seedy little place (I think it’s a peeler bar) called “Barbarella’s Diamond’s.” Ack! They’re like bookends of WRONG! I have to avert my eyes if I don’t want to be hyperventilating by the time I get to the office.
I’ve even started to see apostrophes appear in words where the third person singular (i.e. “Sandman hyperventilate’s when he see’s example’s of apostrophosis.) Ack ack!
So, I’ll gladly join the Hater’s, but one of you is gonna have to hold my hand while I put my head between my knees.
I’d like to join the Hater’s too.
“Team name? The Hater’s.”
I’m in! Leigh, I hope I run into you someday, you always crack me up & this made me laugh like a donkey. HeeHaw!
We need T-shirts!
Yeah, I wrote that ANGRY. I agree that there’s an imbalance in the level of interest and I think all the advice is generally sound. I don’t think I explained the friend dynamics very well. We were really close a year ago and have since drifted a bit for a variety of reasons, so part of why I got so damn irked was that all of a sudden this is an issue more or less out of the blue when we hadn’t been super close for a bit.
In re: the level of response to the Officialling, it wasn’t a case of my saying “oh, who gives a shit.” She told me the news right in the middle of something, when there really wasn’t much way to respond with enthusiasm or otherwise. I’ve been psyched for her all along the way to their making it official and have told her so, particularly because it sucks to see your friend get tromped on by a series of jerks, and to see her get together with someone who actually GETS her awesomeness is really great. It just seemed to me that acting so strangely because I didn’t get a certain level of excited about something I’ve been enthusiastic about throughout was bizarre.
Thanks for the advice, Sars and everyone else!
I do find it kinda funny that someone who’s not so hung up on labels is getting married, and refers to herself as “Ballistic Bride”.
So labels don’t matter until nuptuals are involved? Did you go from stranger to engaged?
I have to say, I think BB comes across as the selfish person here. If you and your fiancé mentioned your wedding plans to someone and s/he replied, “God, what a stupid waste of money – I don’t believe in weddings,†your feelings would likely be hurt, because that’s rude. Her announcement that she has a new boyfriend was important TO HER; it’s not about you. You don’t have to care about “a relationship [you’re] not involved in,†but you should be polite about it – a simple, “Oh, cool!†would have probably been fine. Also, you make a point of mentioning that she met the guy through you (directly or indirectly) – I suspect she thought you would have a reaction because of that. I agree that you shouldn’t confront her, though, because it just seems … mean. “Stop being upset that I don’t like you†isn’t going to go anywhere good.
It is an office Eavesdropper
And she heareth one of three…
yeah, I’m done.
Linda said exactly what I was thinking about Ballistic Bride. Excellent assessment, Linda.
@Jen S – I couldn’t agree more with you about Show. I was recently laid off from my job (as a full time telecommuter) of 5 years, and I was treated like I had the plague. The big boss met me at a public restaurant and told me I was laid off, effective immediately. Oh, he was soooo sorry, he thought I was the bee’s knees, it was so unfortunate, blah blah fishcakes. But when I got home & back on my computer, I discovered that I was locked out of everything, including email. I had never been treated that way before; when I was laid off in the past I was given about 8 weeks before it was effective. This just felt so…slimy. I felt like a criminal.
Thankfully I have a great network of friends in the industry, and have been keeping my head well above water with independent consulting while looking for a new job. Show, passing around EST’s CV is probably the greatest thing you can do for her, and sending her a small token is absolutely above & beyond. You’re amazing.
Oh, and definitely sign me up as a charter member of The Hater’s.
It is an office Eavesdropper
And she heareth one of three…
Snicker “I can’t believe she did that”
As they huddled round a pot of coffee
Associated Press style is essentially as LTG presented: No apostrophe to pluralize acronyms, initials, numbers, years, etc. 1990s, CDs, PCBs. But a single letter gets an apostrophe: Mind your p’s and q’s; he got all A’s and B’s in school.
That’s the only time you can use an apostrophe to make a plural. Ever.
On a similar issue, the writers where I work are so confused about its and it’s that they give up and write its’ — which is crazy and makes no sense. Aargh.
Ball: I hope you understand that I don’t mean this nasty when I say that your entire tone in talking about your friend is UNRECOGNIZABLE compared to your letter. Meaning one of two things, to me:
1. You were really mad and have cooled off wildly since then, even though you were sure you wouldn’t, in which case: pay attention to that; or
2. You thought your position in this story was going to sound a LOT more sympathetic to people than it actually did, and the responses have made you feel a little chagrined, in which case: pay attention to that.
In general, though, good on you for not turning defensive or correct-y, and more than anything, if you’re not still filled with seething rage, that’s a good thing.
Apostrophes with plurals: no. Chicago has them only with single letters (like the A’s) as of the 14th edition, but I haven’t checked it recently. GPO and AP style say no. Plural (in general) means add
“s” or “es”–no punctuation.
FYI, Sars aside, I have never known an editor to reference Garner. For things like punctuation, which (in part) evolved out of issues with typesetting, get a style guide that was creating specifically to formalize printed text, such as GPO, AP, or Chicago. Otherwise it’s like looking in Strunk and White for advice on the use of en dashes in three-word compound modifiers. (Not useful.)
@Show
Speaking as one who was laid of, there aren’t any good gifts. It is not the same as celebrating for a co-worker who is moving on to a better job.
I had a “going away party” and was given a festive sombrero, presented to me with a happy song at some restaurant. I remember hating that hat.
If you lived neat EST, I think going out, drinking, and insulting management’s shortsightedness might have been a nice gift. Since you don’t live near her, and you aren’t close friends, sending her cv along to others, and offering to be a reference are nice and useful actions.
For what it’s worth, I always thought that the apostrophe in “A’s” was standing in for the rest official name, “Athletics,” the way an apostrophe stands instead of the “o” making “did not” into “didn’t.” But I’m an English major who HATES extra apostrophes and received a Christmas card from my sister-in-law sent from “the Smith’s” so please carry on with the interesting discussion/examples.
PJ: I can never remember the rule about whether a name ending in ‘s’ needs an extra ‘s’ for the possessive (Gibbs’ or Gibbs’s?) but I’d like to add a suggestion for the Hater’s list: the people who spell it Gibb’s.
Show, I kind of got a bit of a ‘I’m trying hard not to say that I think my colleagues are crass and insensitive, although I think they are and I’m much better than them’ attitude from your letter. If you want to make nice and supportive gestures to EST, that’s great – but most people would probably struggle to feel too emotionally attached to colleagues that they rarely saw or dealt with, so I don’t think your colleagues’ attitudes are particularly unusual.
If they hardly seem to care about EST going, why would they care about whether or not you choose to send her some flowers or whatever? And how would they know, anyway? If you want to do the nice thing, do it. I’m sure that EST would appreciate it.
If you want to get something for EST, then it is quite within typical work etiquette to say “i am taking a collection to get EST a little going away gift, let me know if you want to contribute.” Your boss is the one who layed her off, he/she is not going to get her a present or instigate anything!
“O, The Fate Of The Eavesdropper”
O, the fate of the eavesdropper,
Into whose ears there doth swell
The joy and pain of forbidden knowledge
A bell one cannot knell. (*yeah, sincere apologies for this line …)
O, the lonesome eavesdropper,
Alone with words untold
Must choose: ‘to speak, or not to speak’
For their tale to unfold.
O eavesdropping soul upon a trek
To triumph, if she be bold,
Or could there be another fate?
To be left in the cold?
What shall be this hearer’s end,
A conquering hero?
Or might the eavesdropper be damned,
Alone with naught but woe?
I emailed a poem to Sars but it’s total drek compared to Diane’s! Good one, Diane!!!
I third(?) the confusion about Ballistic Bride not believing in labels, yet getting married/calling herself Ballistic Bride. Are she and her fiance in an open relationship or something?
Sars, I just moved last weekend. I feel your pain with the missing Garner. We’ve been here five days and the TV remote is still MIA.
Coincidentally, yesterday I met some new neighbors whose name is on a decorative sign in their front yard: “The Riley’s!”
(@Margaret – Thank you so much! I’ve had a specialty in novelty dreck for some years now … I once held the title of Dorky-Assed Lyricist at an online community, and have been paid for at least three years’ worth of execrable Christmastime poems at a job I once worked.)
@ Erin W: Well, it is their yard.