DVR Break-Up: Shear Torture
Shear Genius has had problems from the beginning. The use of the Project Runway cookie-cutter for competitive reality shows about other lifestyle genres is understandable, but not always successful; with Top Design, the glitch seemed obvious to me, namely that the weekly-challenge format didn’t fit the skill set. Eliminating a designer in each episode is okay, but it would make more sense to give the designers a longer-form assignment — an entire two-bedroom apartment over the course of ten or twelve weeks, say — and assess them based on their cumulative progress. Launch My Line had an idea built into it about a larger ongoing project, although it didn’t quite get the knack of incorporating it.
The time devoted to the assignments isn’t what’s hobbling Shear Genius, but something about it has never quite worked, and perhaps switching to a longer-format structure would help — putting the stylists in a salon-type atmosphere, assigning them clients they have to work with throughout the season, something.
But I won’t stick around to find out, because the charm that used to allow SG to function despite a flawed foundation is now utterly absent. And I don’t get it; I don’t understand who made these decisions. How hard is it to find a host for a reality show about hairstyling who can pronounce the word “stylists” correctly? Jaclyn Smith couldn’t do it; she always dropped the last “s.” Camila Alves renders it roughly as “stallus.”
In fact, Alves is difficult to understand generally. I like a flavorful accent as much as the next girl, but the function of a host is to explain things, and frequently Alves is incomprehensible. “Frizzy” comes out “fray-zay,” “didn’t impress us” sounds like “din impresses,” and you can’t get it from context, either, because she’s so stilted. Fine, English isn’t her first language, but if that’s the issue, this isn’t the job for her. It’s not like she has any other relevant qualifications; she doesn’t seem to have any qualifications, period.”My only expression is ‘Who farted?'” is not good enough at this level.
Then, having replaced Jaclyn Smith, who could at least read most of the cue cards and didn’t act like the stylists had left skidmarks on her sheets, the producers decide to get rid of Rene Fris. Maybe Rene Fris decided to get rid of himself, and I don’t blame him one bit, but did they make a list of the possible mentors and then pick the one with the oatmealiest personality? Fris is cute, he had a little catchphrase, and he made a great Tim Gunn Of Hair. Orlando Pita is a rabbity little guy who barely talks. Why not just eliminate the mentor role completely?
Better yet, why not eliminate Kim Vo completely? And if you can’t eliminate him, could someone, anyone who has ever read a humorous book, attended a stand-up comedy show, or told a joke, please take Vo aside and tell him that we already have a Michael Kors, and he isn’t as funny as he thinks he is either? And that, when Kors’s jokes bomb, he’s at least trying to provide some insight and not just making dicky comments for their own sake? Vo: not funny, ever; not perceptive, ever. A Monchichi with an attitude problem. Leave the punchlines to Jonathan Antin; he’s not that funny either but he’s at least got a rhythm to his delivery.
I could tolerate the wooden host who probably has naked pictures of someone at Magical Elves, the flavorless mentor, and the feather-haired chimp on the judging panel, if the outcomes ever made sense, but they don’t. The hot mess with the blue flowers that looked like a steel-wool pad got rained on, and then it won? Good for Brian, I guess, for getting by with it, but the judges never articulate to my satisfaction why a given style is or isn’t good, is or isn’t avant-garde.
And why give so much weight to customer satisfaction, then turn around and bitch at the stylists for not overruling balky clients?”You should have talked her into a more radical change” — how? You should have talked the producers into not signing up hair models who refuse to change anything. I had no problem with Adee getting the boot, in a general sense — the guy made me nervous — but I’d like to know what the judges would have had him do with that girl. Yeah, he did a shit job with the flat-iron, but she had a lot of hair, she refused even to consider a different style, and…how to put this delicately, I wonder. Let’s say that she doesn’t have the kind of face that’s going to sell a bad coif. The way she wanted it done drew attention to a potatoey nose and weak chin; her face isn’t Adee’s fault.
The show doesn’t know whether it wants the stylists to incorporate the head games with stubborn clients into their overall performance, and it’s inconsistent with how that’s judged. If the marks include how happy the client is with the hairstyle, well, you can’t really expect Adee to overrule the girl with a complicated updo and send her out sobbing and pissed. Is it about the hair, or is it about the job? Either is fine, both is fine, but: decide. Decide what the show is actually about.
Or don’t. I’m out.
Tags: Camila Alves DVR Break-Up It's Log Jaclyn Smith Jonathan Antin Kim Vo Michael Kors Monchichi Monchichi oh so soft and EAT A BEE Orlando Pita Rene Fris Tim Gunn TV
I decided last week to break up with Sheer Genius as well. I *really* hate Alves and her accent — very distracting. And qualifications for the job? As a model, she’s had her hair done a lot. Really? I know Smith didn’t really have huge street cred either, but still. I think I would have preferred Antin as the host. He’s bitchy and all, but at least he has been in the biz for years and years. And if you want a cool mentor, go find the pink-haired girl from Antin’s old show — she was a cool stylist and seemed to have a good personality. Also, I dearly loved Rene and miss him terribly. “Go shake it!”
Kim Vo’s face has disturbed me more this season than last. And, if you’re going to have Jonathan Antin on the show, for f’s sake, let him be full-on Jonathan Antin. Camilla Alves is a trainwreck — worse than Katie Lee Joel on Season 1 of “Top Chef.” As RHoA’s Dwight Eubanks would say, “Dreadful….”
I have had a superlatively crappy day thus far, and want to leave a thank-you here and now for the tag “Monchichi Monchichi oh so soft and EAT A BEE”, because now I have love in my heart and a song, a brutal happy song about BEES, in my mind.
In case the reference went over your head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=od3cNTl40VI
I agree that Camila Alves’ accent is distracting to the point of annoyance. I’m generally pretty good with quickly diciphering thick accents, but I spend a lot of time wondering “what the hell did she just say?” and then realizing that it doesn’t matter at all. I may need to drop Shear Genius off of my DVR list. I haven’t gotten to that point yet, but I care less and less about the outcome of shows and the whole season. Yawn.
“…when Kors’s jokes bomb, he’s at least trying to provide some insight and not just making dicky comments for their own sake[.]”
This is an important thing to remember, for ANYONE who goes to the snark well. There’s a difference between Tough Love and Just Being A Dick, and while you can trade on the latter for a while it will eventually bite you in the ass.
I agree with everything. But I can’t break up with the show, in small part because I just enrolled in beauty school, so it’s like “whoa, will I have to learn how to do THAT to someone’s head?” But I no longer worry if I’ve missed a night, which is sadly what Lifetime has turned my Project Runway passion into. (In fairness, PR and I started cooling off a while ago, around Christian Siriano. I disagree passionately with Nina Garcia about pretty much everything.)
And yeah. Could someone, if we’re going to insist on Alves as the host, insist on some diction lessons for her? As a model, you just have to look pretty. As a host, you have to be intelligible. It’s a job requirement, so just do it.
I agree; broke up with this show after the first ep this season.
can I also point out that the catch line this season is awful?! it’s awful. Has it always been this awful? “remember stylists, hair…is important”
What? really?grr.
You made VERY good points for why I too should cancel my season pass for this show. I miss Rene something fierce, and Alves is the worst fucking host ever.
But somehow…look I’ll be honest, I love Jonathan Antin. And if Bravo isn’t going to give me what I want (the return of “Blow Out”) then I’ll take my Antin anyway I can get him. I’m still giggling over him being “border-line pissed off” over that Canadian stylist’s hair. Hee hee
Yes, I know I have a problem.
It is truly amazing how bad Camilla Alves is. Do you see the way the contestants look at her when she explains things? You can tell they haven’t a fucking clue what she is saying … they stand there smiling and nodding their heads. Remember in the beginning of Project Runway and the first season of Top Chef when you could tell that over half of Heidi’s and Katie Lee Robot’s speeches were ADRed? With this awful Alves person the producers don’t even bother … I guess they realize that no matter how many times they have her attempt to say something, no one will ever be able to understand her.
@amber: Seriously. What IS that? They’re stylists. They went on a show to prove they’re the BEST stylists. You think they…don’t think hair is important already?
I actually liked SG its first season — the choice of Jaclyn Smith made a fair amount of sense (Charlie’s Angels–>hair–>Farrah, she crazy–>how about Jaclyn–>fine!) and Rene, while not all that intelligible himself, was good eye candy and seemed to have some credible reason for being there. Sally H was a good and tough judge, and the guest judges contributed something, besides just pimping out their branded hair extensions or what-have-you. Second season … well, it was still better than Top Design, so I watched … and now THIS. I echo your questions: WHO over at Bravo managed to say with a straight face in a meeting that Camila Alves was suited to be the host of ANYTHING? And Orlando Pita, knowledgeable though he may be, was going to exude the proper warmth of a mentor? You can’t replace every ingredient in a chocolate cake and still have a chocolate cake (example A: The Fashion Show.) Not that Shear Genius was ever, well, GENIUS, but it properly filled its place as That Show We Watch While Project Runway Isn’t On.
What I like about shows like Project Runway (when it is good) is that I learn a little something about the art/craft involved. I want to know why this, that, or the other choice is considered good or bad by those who know the craft. You actually see a bit of this in Tabatha’s Salon Takeover … when she whips out the scissors to give a little lesson in hair thinning, or whatever. I will never be a hairstylist (everyone can breathe easy!) but I want to know what makes it a high-level profession worthy of respect (which I believe it is.) When a stylist can capture the look of a generation in a Dorothy Hamill cut, or a Jennifer Aniston cut … that means that they have the potential ability to tap into the deeper zeitgeist … just the way a fashion designer can. Can they do it every day? Of course not. But the good ones have a certain vision: this is how we should look. This is how we should dress. We want to see the world the way artists see it. These shows, as nutty as they are, bring us a little closer to that vision sometimes.
On a more prosaic level, when I get home, I just want to watch something that is charming and amusing — involving enough to be worth watching week to week — not so slapped-together that I feel like watching is a chore. And, I’m sorry, watching Camila Alves is a chore. I have no issue with English not being someone’s first language … but that says to me, you are probably not first in line to be a television host… especially when there’s nothing else in your corner besides having an attractive face. She seems nice enough. I can’t understand her. That’s a problem.
And Vo: he seems like he’s been frozen in a scream.
@amber…word. I think the sad thing is Alves thought that up herself. Hell, her husband probably thought it up while playing the bongos naked and told her to use it. It’s that dumb.
@DuchessKitty…WORD again! I’m sticking around too because I love Jonathan Antin. LOVE! And if Blow Out is never coming back, I’ll take what I can get of him.
Was anyone else thrilled to see Tabatha? I hate her show, but I love her and was so glad she was on. Why can’t she be the host?
THANK YOU for mentioning the vapid catchphrase. WTF? But I’m still watching the show because I get hooked that way. It’s an annoyance that I tolerate.
I also screamed “TABATHA!” when I saw her on the show. I like her show, love her. It would vastly improve Shear Genius if she were the host, but I’d hate to lose Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, which I think would happen.
Sars, Brian won with his facial-mud-mask-posing-as-a-bud hairdo, not the (highly-praised and 2nd place) blue flowered rat’s nest that April whipped up. I am with you on wishing they would explain WHY something is successful or not. What I saw in this episode was a few hairdos that I think I (sooo NOT anything resembling a stylist) could carry out…and they LOVED them. Also agree that if they are going to add, and I quote, “the MOST important factor, client satisfaction” into the equation then by Jove the MOST important factor should be client satisfaction. While Adee never really impressed me I don’t think he deserved to be sent home over Brig. (Just her name annoys me, sorry to all the Brigs out there.)
“And stylists remember: hair is important.” Major GAG.
“Huh!? Who WHA!? What the *@#! did SHE SAY!???? Thats what happens when Camilla Alves talks. Can someone please tell her to shut the bleep up so I can watch my favorite show in peace?!?!?! She sounds like a drunken lady marmalade!