The Vine: January 6, 2004
Dear Glark,
This is a really basic question about the vegetarian lifestyle. What are some good cookbooks/websites for the busy vegetarian cook? I would like to incorporate more vegetarian cuisine into my lifestyle; however, it seems like so many of the recipes I find are either 1) bland and scary (plain tofu in a noodle salad), or 2) ingredient- and time-exhaustive. I’m a grad student, and while I would love to spend all afternoon cooking, I don’t have the time or money to be a gourmet cook.
I have some recipes, but I am honestly sick of stir fries and black bean fajitas. HELP!
Sincerely,
Not Tofu-Phobic, Just Bland-Phobic
Dear Phobic Qualifier,
Can do. Rule #1 about eating vegetarian is not to think in terms of the “meatless dish” — that is to say, “traditional recipes – meat = my vegetarian lot in life.” People who think like that make stuff like the cardboard-esque McVeggie Burgers, which succeed in looking like meat but fail in tasting good in the least.
This also tends to lead to the dreaded tofu as meat substitute. Tofu can be mighty tasty, but it takes time sitting in sauce or marinade to get it to the point where it doesn’t taste like foam. Don’t think because you liked whipping up chicken stir fries that you’ll be happy cutting a block of firm tofu into a stir fry for that 15-minute chicken stir-fry experience. You’ll hate it, because it tastes like off-white foam, and all you’ll be thinking is, “Goddammit, this tofu doesn’t taste or feel anything like chicken. I fucking hate tofu.” And before you know it, there’s a firepit in your living room with a wild boar roasting on a spit while you spread warpaint around your crazy bugged-out eyes as you return to your dark mother, Meat.
I don’t want to give the impression that you shouldn’t have a veggie burger when you’re BBQing with friends. Just don’t psych yourself up for a veggie burger that tastes just like The Real Thing, because there’s no such (pardon the pun) animal. Don’t pick the one that promises to look and taste like meat. Pick the crazy-ass-looking one with funky-ass bits of carrot and pine nuts sticking out of it like it just got out of bed. They’re like dill pickle chips. They don’t taste anything like the real thing, but dammit, they are tasty in their own right.
Now that we’ve tackled Glark’s Grand Vegetarian Happiness Theory, let’s talk cookbooks and recipes.
Reject any vegetarian cookbook with any of the following words in the title: “new style”; “fusion”; “commune”; “for meat lovers”; “non-vegetarian”; “tar sands”; “help!”; “Genghis Khan’s”; “medley”; “for the soul”; “modern”; and finally, “cockles.”
There are lots of vegetarian cooking books. There are even lots of “quick meal” vegetarian cookbooks. The rare find is a good low-fat or non-fat “quick meal” vegetarian cookbook. I can heartily recommend Meatless Main Dishes (Great Taste, Low Fat). As bonus, it doesn’t come loaded with all that breakfast and dessert shit no one ever ever ever makes. Don’t be scared by the fact it’s a Time-Life book. It’s great, and it has photos of every dish, which is always a plus in my book.
Another great well-rounded book is Vegetarian Dinner in Minutes, which is roughly chopped up by ethnicity. My last recommendation is The Vegetarian Grill, which is a great hand-holding introduction to using your BBQ for vegetarian goodness.
Here’s a recipe to get you going until you can order a book or two. It’s quick but hearty and filling soup that’s anything but bland. You can make it with all fresh stuff, but I’ve modified it for a quicker preparation using canned goods. It’s still really good with canned stuff and it tastes even better on Day 2 or 3.
Mexican Toasted Garlic Soup
You’ll need:
Quick spray of Pam or atomized olive oil (very little)
A whole head of garlic, separated, peeled, and chopped
1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and chopped (wash your hands afterward!)
2 cans of diced tomatoes, drained
2 cans of Campbell’s low-fat vegetable broth (I say Campbell’s because it’s easy to find, but there are lots of alternatives)
2 cans of Campbell’s condensed tomato soup
Pinch of salt
Fat-free sour cream
Crusty bread
Heat the oil in a skillet until it starts to smoke
Add the garlic and stir over med-high heat for 60 seconds until lightly toasted
Add jalapeno and tomatoes to the skillet for another 60 seconds
Transfer skillet stuff to soup pot
Add the broth and tomato soup (don’t add water to the soup) to the soup pot
Add a pinch of salt
Bring to boil, then simmer for 20-25 minutes until garlic is soft
Serve hot with sour cream, or refrigerate overnight and re-heat the next day
The recipe sounds like it would be a crazy garlicfest, but it mellows nicely as it is toasted.
Hi Sars,
I should probably preface this by saying that the problem I’m dealing with has been mulled over by a great many people and no one seems to have a good idea of how to deal with it. Thus, I’m coming to you for a bit of advice.
I went to a single adults social event one night and met six different girls. None of us knew each other before this time except for two of them, and we all immediately saw that we had a ton in common and began to spend time together every weekend. I, especially, became close with one of these girls, who we’ll call “J.” In the meantime, another one of the girls, who we’ll call “M,” began to call both J and I often, and we’d usually invite her to go along with us wherever we were going.
This whole situation would be fine, except that it turns out M has issues. She seems to have no sense of etiquette whatsoever, often throwing out insulting comments about where people live (telling J that her taste in decorations was “interestingly mediocre,” and that she thought leopard print was “so over” and seeing it in J’s living room proved it to be true). J isn’t the first one in our little group of friends that she has done this to.
Well, after a couple more insulting nights where M spent most of her time reminding everyone how much prettier and fun she is than the rest of us, we all decided to throw in the towel, including J. Obviously, with most of us being new to each other, this subject was broached carefully, but we all realized that the best thing to do was ditch M entirely.
Simple, right? Well, not so much. Unfortunately, a few days before this decision was made, J introduced all of us girls to her younger brother, who we’ll call “W.” J told me a while back that W tends to pick girls who will be mean to him as girlfriends. Well, you’ve probably guessed where this story is heading: M and W are dating, and M is running the show entirely now.
This whole situation has put J in an awkward situation. Even J’s mother hates M and is pissed at her for introducing W to M. That’s how bad this girl is. However, W also tends to suddenly develop an unbelievable attachment to his girlfriends that his family hates. Everyone has been pretty direct with J up until this point, saying that any of us would be happy to tell M (who still tries calling 5-6 times a day) the truth. However, J is afraid that anyone being mean to M would make W only grow more attached, and that there is a possibility M could end up her sister-in-law due to the rejection. We all see her point, but M doesn’t take hints and is still calling about 20 times a week. Everyone is itching to tell M to lay off, but we also don’t want this whole thing to become an even bigger problem for J.
Any advice?
Wanting to Ditch the Bitch
Dear Ditch,
Whether J’s invertebrate brother winds up marrying The Non-Divine Miss M is not your problem, and I think you need to say so to J — you sympathize with her, and you don’t want to make more problems for her family, but you didn’t introduce J to M, and you didn’t remove W’s spine, so your responsibility here is pretty much nil.
But before you turn it into a whole soap opera, you need to speak to M directly about the nasty comments, specifically that she needs to stop it with that shit or you won’t hang out with her anymore, because they hurt your feelings. Don’t worry about the rest of the group or J or what they do about her; the next time she calls, pick up the phone and talk to her, tell her the truth about why you’ve been avoiding her, and let the chips fall where they may.
O Tomato Goddess,
I’m sixteen. And the Boy (yeah, you knew this was about one) is driving me
crazy. Long and nonsensical ramble ahead.
Little Bit Of The Background: I moved to my high school a year and a bit ago, at
the beginning of grade ten. Boy and I became casual friends. Mutual friends
told me that he thought I was pretty, but to be honest, Boy finds many, many
girls to be pretty, so I didn’t think anything of it. I had a semi-crush on
Boy all year, never assuming that it would progress beyond friendship. And,
uh, I’m still not sure if it has or not. But I get ahead of myself.
Okay, So, The Buildup: Boy broke up with his girlfriend of about four months
in May. I was there for him and as a result, we became closer friends…kind of. We would text message each other at all hours and talk constantly
in passive little ways like this. We didn’t see each other much out of
school, and if we did, always in a group where we both happened to be there.
This All Has A Point, Really: Over the summer, he and I were both away and
didn’t talk to each other much. When we arrived back at school for junior
year, we resumed the friendship, except we began to see each other a lot
more, generally still in a group setting. Eventually he and I started to see
each other one-on-one; I would go to his house to watch movies, we would go
to McDonald’s. Little things like that, all more friendship-driven than
romance-driven, I’m sure, but my crush had gone from a semi- to an all-out
infatuation. Teenage-style, of course. We texted each other a lot and were
pretty close, I’d say.
Here Is The Alleged Point: A couple of weeks ago, he and I went out with a
mutual friend. And Boy was all. Freaking. Over. Me. Except no kissing. Just
holding my hand, putting his arm around me, snuggling, hugging. If you’d
seen us together, you’d have thought, “Teenage couple!” I went home elated,
sure that This Was It. He had realized that we were Meant For Each Other.
Teenage-style, of course.
But alas, this was not to be. The next day, he just treated me like nothing
had changed, even talking about other girls he likes and shit. So I thought,
whatever, maybe he was drunk or something, forget about him. And I did…until that Friday. When it happened AGAIN. We went out, he and I were
cuddling hardcore. Holding hands as we walked along the street, arms around
each other, caressing, snuggle, snuggle, freakin’ snuggle. So like a fool, I
thought, Finally! But…well…no. No kissing, no asking out. So once
again, I thought, MOVE ON!
But then this started happening every single time we went out anywhere when
it was just the two of us. To different extremes: sometimes I actually had
to push his hands away from my boobs (…heh. Still no kissing, though);
other times he just put his arm around my waist. And still, there is
nothing. He doesn’t act like he likes me at school; he hasn’t told anyone he
likes me (and this is a Boy who cannot keep his mouth shut about girls he
likes).
So here’s my question. Finally, right? What the hell is going on? Does he like me or not? I don’t get it. It’s not
as though I’m particularly inexperienced with the Teenage Romance genre.
I’ve had several boyfriends. I can usually tell when guys like me. But even
though my senses are in overdrive when it’s Snuggle Time with Boy, when
we’re with others, or when it’s a Non-Snuggle Time with Boy, I have no
clue. Is he just fucking me around? Do I have any claim on him?
Yeah, I know what I should do. Ask him. But…I’m scared to. A) Because Boy
is notoriously bad at “all that emotional shit.” B) I’m a total wuss. And
C) …I really like Boy, Sars. Really, really. And if I asked him and he
said no, he didn’t like me like that, I would shrivel up and die for at
least a few months. Teenage-style. Of course.
So please, Warrior of Wisdom Woman…give me a clue. Because I really need
one.
Love,
So, Like, Am I Your Pillow Or What?
Dear Pillow,
Oh, mixed messages — you scamps, you!
You can analyze that kind of flip-floppy behavior until the cows come home, and it’s comforting to do so, because you can tell yourself that he’s just scared or whatever, which makes it less of a mindfuck — but at a certain point, it stops mattering why he’s messing with your head, because the bottom line is that he’s messing with your head.
And the head-messing-with seems preferable, because it seems like at least you’ve got a shot that way, but it ends up having the same deleterious effect as an “I don’t like you that way” — you second-guess yourself constantly, you wonder what’s wrong with you that he can’t make up his mind, et cetera. It just wears you down, and if you keep permitting it, he’ll keep doing it; he might not mean to, but he will, and it’s not up to you to make up his mind for him.
You don’t have to ask him whether he wants you like that; you do have to tell him that you like the snuggling well enough, but it’s spinning your head, and if it’s not going to go any further than it has, it has to stop. You can tell him how you feel if you want to, but you can also just tell him that his behavior is confusing you. If he decides he doesn’t like you that way as a result, well, the hell with him.
Hello, Sarah!
I have a question regarding online journals/weblogs, and I’m not exactly sure where to go with it. I thought I would see if you had an answer or know where I might find one and point me in the right direction.
Recently, I’ve become interested in the world of online journaling. I’ve started my own little journal, which currently boasts a whopping handful of entries, and I’m reading books on HTML so that I might teach myself how to spruce up the nice but plain template that the diary site has provided.
My questions to you deal with linking to other people’s web pages. I bop around the web and read a lot of other people’s journals, both for pleasure and for design concepts or inspiration. I read a lot of pages that I admire and enjoy, and I’ve noticed that many pages have a list of links to the sites of friends or personal favorite sites. What is the proper protocol to observe when you want to put a link to someone’s page on your journal site, especially if you do not know the someone that well?
I’ve run across a few sites that have a blurb posted along the lines of, “Please email and ask me before you link to my site.” However, most of the ones I read do not specify one way or the other. Is it preferred, even expected, that a person wishing to display a link to Queenie’s Royal Site on their journal’s homepage would email Queenie first, regardless of whether she says so up front? Or, if Queenie doesn’t indicate a need for preliminary contact, does that mean she doesn’t care who links to her site?
It would seem to me that a brief request by email to the person whose site to which you’d like to link would be the courteous thing to do. I just wanted to ask someone more experienced in such matters so that I can step on as few toes as possible in my traipsing across the internet journaling world.
Thank you so much for your time,
Courteously Curious
Dear CC,
I would say that, if the publisher of the site doesn’t have a specific policy posted, it’s fine to just link; worst-case scenario, you put a link up and the publisher contacts you to ask that you take it down. But emailing can’t hurt either, so I’d go ahead and do that. I don’t mind who links to me as long as it’s not a neo-Nazi site, but I don’t mind an email inquiry either.
Sars,
I’m currently working as a freelancer, and I want to handle this problem
professionally and effectively. I’m at a bit of a loss and thought I’d get
your take, if I could. I think you’re uniquely qualified on this subject,
aside from your general fabulousness.
I’ve had a relationship for two years now with a casual friend of mine,
Sabrina, who runs her own freelance proofreading and editing business.
She’s gotten me lucrative jobs, but paid me irregularly for those jobs. It
was always a sideline for me, money I didn’t count on, and overall I trust
that she is personally honest and does pay me when she can. I have never
felt that she’s trying to take advantage of me or rip me off.
A couple of months ago, an opportunity arose for a full-time job. It was a
great opportunity in every way; my only concern was her heretofore
irregular payment system. I would have to quit my other jobs to take this
one on, and it would become my sole source of income. I expressed that
concern to her, and she told me that I was working for a company that was
stable and would surely pay her regularly, and so she would pay me
regularly, and I should take the job, because it was a great opportunity.
Took the job; love the job. It could very well be a great opportunity. The
only problem is, I have been working here two months, and have only been
paid once, for one week of work.
Her first excuse was that it would take a while for the first check to come
to me. Finally it did, and then there was supposed to be a second one,
which I haven’t gotten. We spoke last week, and she explained that the
company I work for hadn’t paid her at all. “It’s only been like a month,
right?” Uh-oh. I got very concerned that she didn’t even have any concept
of the timeline here. She said that if she didn’t get a check within a
week, she’d call the company to find out what was going on. I think I see
the problem, which is that she’s completely not aggressive at all about
getting paid.
She owes me over $4,000 at this point, the bills are piling up, and I’m
having anxiety dreams every night over this. The check that is “on its way”
only represents one week of work, and will barely cover my rent. (Not that
my budget should have any bearing on this.) Regardless of my financial
situation, I think she’s behaving unprofessionally.
I tried to express some of this to her by phone and by email, as calmly as
I could while still conveying the seriousness of the situation, and she was
by turns understanding and defensive; now she seems a little miffed. Her
last email (and I don’t know if we should quote this on the internet…)
says, “As we have talked about, this is a freelance situation, and as we
talked about, it is subject to a freelance timeline, which I am trying to
adjust to meet your needs. Paying you early on freelance invoices is not a
gesture, it is a business payment I am trying to get to you earlier than all
my other freelancers get paid. Usually, when you do freelance work, the time
period for payment is two to even three months.”
First of all, this email is in a very different tone from her usual “honey”
and “sweetie” stuff, so I know she’s getting annoyed. Secondly, I don’t
have any record of the conversation we had by phone when I was interviewing
for this job, but I KNOW she did not tell me I would have to wait two to
three months to get paid, or else I certainly would have taken that into
account before I took this job. It was my understanding that it would be a
matter of weeks, not months, before I began getting consistent paychecks.
The other consideration is that I am not under contract to Sabrina in any
way. I could conceivably go to my boss here at the company and explain
the situation, and get them to pay me directly. (I already raised the idea
with Sabrina, in terms of “maybe I could make direct arrangements to be
paid my hourly rate, and you can bill for your fee separately,” but she
said that wouldn’t work.) Going behind her back was my idea as a last
resort, but I really don’t know how I would come across to my current bosses
if I even raised the possibility. It seems like that would be very
unprofessional, and I want to maintain a good relationship so I can possibly
get a full-time job from them when this job is over.
Do I give it some more time? Do I try talking to her again? Do I go to my
bosses for help? What do you suggest?
Bad at Being a Grownup
Dear Grownup,
Sabrina does have a point about the freelance timeline; I’ve waited many moons for checks to show up, and it’s important to get the pay period hammered out up front, in writing, before you start working.
On the other hand, I pay freelancers myself, and my cash flow really isn’t their problem — which might sound nonsensical, but if they did the work I contracted them for, I have to pay them, and whether I’m having trouble marshalling the funds to do that is my issue, not theirs.
Express to Sabrina that you understand her position, but you’d like to get a payment term in writing — thirty days, sixty days, on receipt, whatever — for your work from here on out. You’d also like her to make good on the invoices you’ve already submitted, within thirty days, or you will have to go over her head and ask the bosses for the money directly; it’s nothing personal, but you have bills to pay. You say you don’t want to jeopardize your standing with the actual bosses, but if it’s true that they drag their feet this much paying Sabrina, you might not want to work for them in the future anyway.
It’s unpleasant, but it’s not unprofessional. “I don’t have the money” is not considered a valid excuse by most grownups, and you shouldn’t accept it either.
Tags: boys (and girls) etiquette friendships workplace
